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Make resolutions to stop, but don't
Panic when no alcohol is available
Have blackouts - a very dangerous phenomena
Use alcohol as a social crutch
Admit you can't drink in moderation
Fear the future
Next year? Worse than this year. And even worse the year after that; and the one after that, and the one after that, and so on until you have lost everything, including your self-respect for the many things you will have lowered yourself to do in order to obtain alcohol.
There are more features to alcoholism than are presented in the above list. But don't worry, you will eventually experience them all. And when you do you will be at the very bottom of a very deep, very dark pit with UP the only place to go because you will have sunk to the very bottom of human existence.
I suggest you rent the movie "The Days of Wine and Roses" and also get yourself to an AA meeting. You don't have to say anything there, or even to admit you're an alcoholic. Just go and listen. I believe if you do this, you will discover a place where no sane person wants to go. You have the strength inside you to emerge victorious from this confrontation with your demons. I do hope you can find it.
Regardless of having the feeling you are hurting no other person, do you really feel that way? Are you trying to convince us or yourself you're not hurting anyone else. Perhaps the reason you don't wish to involve your mother or go to AA is then you would be admitting? Your feelings and questions are perfectly normal; nevertheless, you are not the only person to feel this way. That's why there is an AA. They all have been there. Perhaps you aren't giving your mother credit where credit is due - your mother sounds like she would be there for you. Good luck. Run, don't walk, do it now, AA.
I do believe you have a problem with Alcohol. Having "Black Outs" is one of the most common problems Alcoholics have. I have been in the AA Program for over 8 and 1/2 years now. I never drank to be social. I always drank to get drunk. Has your drinking caused you problems with family, your job, or school? If so, I do hope you contact your local AA in the white pages of the telephone book. They will be able to help you and yes dependence upon Alcohol is part of the Disease. There is help if you sincerely want it. Good luck in your venture. It is never to young or to old to be Alcoholic.
Sincerely,
Elaine, a fellow Alcoholic.
Vikki--- I seen your question and I have a drinking problem have the same problems that you have written.I beleive sorry I know I will always have them,liquor does different things to me than a lot of other people.I am now 52 and stopped drinking in 91 I have wished so often I had stopped earlier rather then have gone through hell.Please honey talk to somone that maybe you might know that has been there.I can tell you this your drinking will only get worse please catch it early and realize the situation your in.
Regards William
AA charges no fees or dues, there are no pledges to sign, no promises to make to anyone. Anyway....how much are you managing to squeak out of your mothers support for the booze? Anyway, having been in recovery for almost 2yrs. I can tell you alot about your yets (the things that you could never even imagine doing for or on alcohol). I did those and more. I came from a very well off (but dysfunctional) family....and I ended up having sex with men for booze and dope. The really cool thing is that you don't have to go there. And, no one ever said that you don't have to stop drinking forever....or even totally. Just don't have a drink today. Then, when you get up tommarrow...don't drink, and if you have to, break that down even further....don't drink for the next hour....or the next half hour....or the next 5 seconds....then when yuo've done that, repeat that....and you'll have a whole day when you're done. Find AA....or NA. They're both in the phone book. AA deals with alcohol only...NA deals with addiction in any form, not just drugs. Good luck...find a meeting...and don't drink just for today.
Bob
I drink moderately because as for now I'm just a student depending on my parents pocket.
Learn to control the other the side of you, I'm not an expert in advicing to those People who are a Alcoholic but I'm saying this on my own experience.
I hope that all teenager like me can CONTROL THERE AFFECTION TO THE ADULT LIQUID!
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Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
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One additional response I would make is to your assertion that "the only person I'm hurting is myself." I know this will sound rude and judgmental, but I honestly don't mean it that way. That "only myself" comment shows that you're in a very self-centered place at the moment. Even though it may be perceived as rude, I don't feel bad about telling you that because: a) I was as self-centered as they come by the time all the wheels fell off my wagon (even though I didn't think so); b) being self-centered is simply part of being an active alcoholic or addict; and c) it's a thing we must all come to understand and change if we are to Recover.
There is no such thing as only hurting yourself. I don't know anything about you, but I already know that your mother is being deprived of the daughter she was meant to have, because of your drinking. How many others are missing the part that Vikki should be playing in their lives because Vikki is too busy drinking?
I have been taught that "being self-centered doesn't mean that you think alot of yourself, it means that you think of yourself alot." What we need to replace self-centeredness with is humility, which is quite a different thing than the humiliation (often self-imposed) by which we often attempt to launch our Recovery. I've seen a catchy little phrase for humility too: "Humility doesn't mean thinking less of yourself, it means thinking of yourself less."
CATUF
Day-847
You may want to attend a teen AA meeting because NOT everyone has to hit rock bottom to get sober. but others do! What a shame! Please just check out a few speaker meetings and see what you think. GOD BLESS and good luck
MY name is JILL and I am an alcoholic
please keep us posted
To Vickki just quit and show 'em all! Truth is for me alcohol is also a stimulant because of the alergy I have to it. My first drink after not drinking for a while, I usually have a little bit of the shakes until a couple more drinks level that out. I did drink everybody else under the table too.
You would do much better in life to run as fast and as far away as you can from it.
Frank and Catuff all you can do is try. The sad truth is that I never listened and ended up in prison and on down the list to whatever else you can think of. It is as they say, cunning baffling and powerful.
Vikki I think AA meetings are great. For me, I just can't stand sitting in those meetings and maybe that's why I've had all of the trouble that I've had in my life, (I go to Church now and that does it for me).
Best
Fish