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Crack
by Alyssa, Jan 23, 2000 12:00AM
My husband uses crack. He also drinks frequently and smokes marijuana (daily). He has been using crack for about two years. He has admitted he has a problem. But he soesn't stop using. He's gone for a month and then went back. We seperated over his addiction(s) and he seemed to be getting better after getting much worse. So we are back together now since Spetember and he was using about once a month. Now it's every time he has the money to do it.
He says he wants to quit and that he has no controlover himself. I thought that admitting you have a problemis the first step to recovery? He doesn't do anything to help himself stop. His latest idea as to how he is going to quit is he's not going to work. So if he has no money then he has no access to the drug. Can this approach work, if he is sincere in his desire to stop? Or is it a way of manipulating me so he can continue but also keep his family?
And once they stop, like for years, I understand they may still get the cravings for it. So does it ever end? Can someone really get off of it forever?
He says he wants to quit and that he has no controlover himself. I thought that admitting you have a problemis the first step to recovery? He doesn't do anything to help himself stop. His latest idea as to how he is going to quit is he's not going to work. So if he has no money then he has no access to the drug. Can this approach work, if he is sincere in his desire to stop? Or is it a way of manipulating me so he can continue but also keep his family?
And once they stop, like for years, I understand they may still get the cravings for it. So does it ever end? Can someone really get off of it forever?
Yes your right admitting the problem is the first step, ( and you and him are not alone in this world), but can I ask you a qestion?......if I told you I had an eating problem ( I don't I'm 110 pds)....but if I did and said to you, that I need to not work or bring in an income, not just for me but my family, so I would have no money to "over abuse on eating" would that make sense to you?......
Yes he has made the right step as far as I can see, admitting he is powerless/ and has a problem, now what?....next?.....my son was 4 when I left my husband who was a junkie, and I went on to build a nice life for us both, he is 25 now, my best girlfriend whos husband was also a junkie, sought help thru NA, Narcotics....and AA, her and I were married at the same time, she has 3 beautiful children know, and thru the program he has been 17 yrs sober, and there marriage is solid as a rock, and they will be celebrating there 29th here soon, so it depends on you, and your relationship, and where you choose to draw the line.....I choose out, but I knew for me it was the best choice, as he was very abusive, but yours maybe different, and if your seeking help, theres plently out there for you, may you find it, and be forever happy.
Kathy
1. NO MONEY, GET HIM TO AGREE THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET HIS CHECK, EMPLOYER INVOLVED, NO ACSESS TO BANK, NAME OFF CHECKING, NO CARDS IN HIS NAME OR AVALIBLE, HIDE THESE ITEMS ALSO, NO MONEY NO BUYING.
2. NO DRINGING, NO POT, NO CRACK, YOU CANT DO ONE AND IT NOT LEAD TO ANOTHER.
3. NO FREINDS AROUND WHO ARE INVOLVED IN DRINKING OR DRUGS, STAY AWAY FROM THEM.
4. GET HELP, AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY COMES FROM OTHER ISSUES, DEPRESSION, HIDDING FROM LIFE, OR MANY OTHER THINGS FIND A PSYCIATRST TO HELP HIM WITH THE TRUE UNDERLINING PROBLEMS HE IS HIDING FROM BY ABUSE.
5. DISCOVER LIFE WITH OUT DRUGS OR DRINKING, DO FUN THINGS TOGETHER, HIKING, CAMPING, FISHING, PARK, OR ANYTHING. HE HAS TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH OUT DRUGS, WHEN THE DRUGS ARE GONE THE FUN OF LIFE IS EVIDENT BELEAVE ME.
6. HE HAS TO COME CLEAN, HE NEEDS TO ADMIT HIS ADDICTION TO YOU, FAMILY, FREINDS, THEY WILL HELP IF HE IS WILLING TO HELP HIM SELF, BUT REMIMBER THERE WILL BE FALL BACKS. DONT GIVE UP.
7. AND IF YOU OR FAMILY HAVE NEVER BEEN AN ADICT TO DRUG LIKE CRACK YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT POWERS YOU ARE FIGHTING, AND IT IS STONGER THAN ANYTHING I KNOW, IT IS HARD THAN ANYTHING YOU KNOW.
YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS GOING THROUGH SO GET INFORMATION, BOOKS, AND PEOPLE WHO NOW.
8 HE HAS TO REALY WANT TO QUIT, I MEAN REALY, AND THESE STEPS CAN HELP.
I AM TWO YEARS FREE OF CRACK, AND THAT TOOK TWO YEARS OF FIGHTING BY ME, MY WIFE, AND MY FAMILY. AND MANY FALL DOWNS.
THANK HIM FOR THE GOOD HE DOES, YOU HAVE TO BUILD THE GOOD IN HIM AGAIN, MY WIFE SAVED MY LIFE. YOU WILL HAVE TO BE STRONG, AND LOVE HIM ALOT TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS, YOU LOCAL COUNTY HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR THE PHONE BOOK UNDER DRUGS FOR AGENCYS THAT CAN HELP.
TELL HIM HE CAN DO IT, AND SAID SO. I DID AND DID THEM ALL, LIFE IS EASIER AND FUNNER WITH OUT DRUGS AND YOU WILL AGREE WHEN YOU REACH THE POINT I AM AT FIGHT IT AND GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU WIFE FOR CAREING FOR YOU THAT MUCH THATS REAL LOVE.
I was doing it every day for 2 years straight and then occasionally,If you never had to overcome an addiction its hard for you to be able to understand.Your husband is gonna have to hit rock bottom probably a few times.Before he actually quits.Just be patient if you can and realize it took him along time to become an addict,it will be twice as long getting overt it.Please email me if you want to talk.I think I can help.
Tony R sky @aol.com
1. he drops me off from work at night, and doesnt pick me up in the morning
2. After he get paid from work he is missing in action for up to 2 weeks at a time
3. He works in construction and is constantly laid off/looses his job due to absentee
4. He has stole money from me in the past about 6,000
5. He sold one of his cars that his mother gave him, and doesnt want to talk about it he sees the car in the street and gets upset that he cant touch it
6. He has secret friends that I cant meet, the ones I saw on the other side of town looks like crack heads
7. He comes home from hanging out very skinny in appearance.
8. His hands are always hard and burnt. ( HE TELLS ME ITS FROM CONSTRUCTION)
9. He talks about coke heads as if they are disgusting
10. He denies doing coke now, he tells me he just drives around in his mercedez benz all day and night drinking and smoking weed
11. He talks as if he is better than his associates that have problems with crack
12. He gets offended when I ask him if he uses crack
13. Sometimes when I look at him he looks very depressed and sad, when I ask him whats wrong he says nothing to me
14. He keeps telling me he wants to move out of NY
15. He is in and out of jail for possession of crack/coccaine. twice this year (i dont know if its crack or coccaine)
16. He has no goals, I try to get him to take a vacation and its like pulling teeth
17. He lost his very best friend 6 yrs to heroin addiction and is hurt about that
18. three of his friends died on overdoses this year alone, and suicide attempts
19. He tells me he is suicidal, and when i say Im tired of living my life worrying about him he doesnt try to make me feel less depressed, he makes me more depressed. He is no support to me.
20. His family only says that he does coke and its not crack
21. Alot of people in his family are coke and crack addicts, his step father died of coke overdose, and his biological father died of HIV AIDS and was into coke too
22. He knows all the crack spots
23. Alot of drug dealers call his phone, he keeps his cell hidden from me
24. He spends alot of time with his worthless crack head uncles, in which his family has abandonded, he is the only one who connects with them
25. He talks bad about his crack head uncles, calling them loosers and good for nothing
26. He always brags about my job cuz I make a lot of money, tries to live off of me, I dont make that much and he doesnt contribute to any bills.
27. When he comes home he cooks and cleans a lot, but cant help me with the bills. He swears uop and down that he never cheats on me.
28. He has a gay coccaine addict friend that is more functional then him he is ablet o hold down a job, I dont like him b/c he tried to come on to me and him. But my BF still hangs out with him, and tells me he is a good friend and when he dont have money his gay friend helps him out
WHAT IS THIS,!!!I GIVE UP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF ALL HIS BEHAIVOR PLEASEEE HELP ME SOMEONE!!!!
His symptoms to me seem more intense than coke, I dont do drugs, can someone help me.
Yes you can stop for good. I smoked everyday for 2 years, and havent smoked for the past 3.
I moved to a different state and change all my numbers.
LS
******** Ok, I just read your question again, and shame all over him. Him saying that not working will help? um...no. So you are supposed to suffer the financial burden as well as deal with trying to keep your family together? NO! If anything tell him to hand you his paychecks when he gets them. Becuase I can PROMISE you that even if he has no money, he will find a way. I know people that are crack addicts, i dont hang out with them, but i have heard that they would STEAL CRACK FROM CRACKHEADS to get high, pawn ****....and so whatever else they could to get high.
At this point you need to sit him down and figure out a plan of attack on his addiction. And let him know that you will be there to help, but also make it clear that you are not stupid, and that you are not going to except anything less than his best attempt to beat this. Do not allow yourself to start feeling like your are failing him, becaue that card will get played. At some point this will somehow become your fault. Even though its not.
If he is serious, then he should have no problem sitting with you and figuring out plans of attack to beat it. You both need to be one the same page, and sadly you are going to have to moniter him, his actions, and who he hangs around.
This is something I know a pretty large ammount on. So if you want to talk, let me know. I have never done it, but I know way to many people that have.
So if you have anything you want to know, or any questions, please make a post directed to me and we will talk.
:)
Just be patient, and listen. Dont push your feelings onto him about. But also let him know that
That scared me because he has never said anything like that and included our son in it in that way of talking. Recently he got mad at me and told me that he almost said to himself "forget her and him." personally I have heard of people getting angry with their spouses and saying forget that person, but I don't hear often of people including their children in their anger against their spouses.
we are seperated and have been for 8 months. he rarely called to check on our son. then he lost his job and started calling all the time but only to talk to me until my son answers the phone this way now "i know. you want to speak to mommy."
he had moved a man into our apartment who was supposedly helping him pay the rent when he lost his job. he says that man moved a woman into the apartment. when my husband was down to no money and losing the apartment he asked me to come back with our son so we could see if we could secure a place through social services. I told him i wouldn't come back with a man and woman living in my son's room that i don't know.
He said that when he told them i was coming back, the man staged an argument with the woman and supposedly rose up at my husband. during the argument, the man left and never came back. the woman was supposedly homless. that is why the man moved her in but told my husband that she was there for a couple of days till she got into school. it turns out she lied.
then i felt bad and said well i don't want to be responsible for putting someone on the street. I said she could stay. I would come back anyway. well he took this and ran with it over the past week or so. she was still there until apparently 2 days ago according to him. I have no way of verifying his stories because we live in two different states.
the reason i didn't go back was because i slept on my decision and decided that it was not wise. and then i talked to my brother who thinks that they were all having a chemical party.
like i said, he has gotten worst and not better which is why i left in the first place. he is someone i don't know anymore. so i decided that instead of being alone in another state with him where he could isolate me and my son with the help of this woman, i am better off with my support system here where i am.
he is now saying he is getting kicked out in 3 days and she is gone and he is trying to stay where i am staying, but i am afraid because he is manipulative and very very clever. he says whatever he thinks someone wants to hear. we are losing our home here in the city where me and my son stay. when he left to go to the new state in the first place, he said he wasn't coming back. but then we moved in with him down there when he said things would be better for a new environment but it got worst so i came back.
I recently got employed and i need my mind to work as i work with children. when i am around him, my depression gets out of control. now i am looking for professional help so that i am not fighting any of this stuff without professionals being involved because i am tired of simply consulting with and relying on my family who has been wonderful and the people God has used to help stand me on my feet through all of this.
I want to tell him that I will not be able to continue our relationship without professional help on his part as well. But I fear that he is not ready. he has lost so much but he is unemotional about everything and trivializes the things that he has done as well as not admitting his problems.
his whole family has left him over these issues. he doesn't have a relationship with any of them. and his sister warned me about his ways before we married. i thought that she was being mean because she cussed him out in the middle of the street which i thought was uncalled for so i ignored what she was saying.
he is in his 50's now and he