Member Comments are provided by individuals and reflect their personal opinions only. Under NO circumstances should you act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum. ALWAYS check with your personal physician before taking any action regarding your health! MedHelp International and our partners, sponsors and affiliates have no obligation to monitor any comments posted on this site, or the content and/or accuracy of such exchanges. MedHelp International does not endorse the views of any user.
Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
This community is a place to share information and support with others who are trying to stop using drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other addictive substances. Discuss with others, the symptoms of addiction, addiction recovery, ways to quit like tapering and cold turkey, and withdrawal symptoms. If you are interested in general "chat", please visit our Addiction Social Community.
Helping a Vicodin addict
by jam, May 05, 2000 12:00AM
My boyfriend has been batting vicodin addiction for over 1 year. At one point a few months ago, he stopped and got his life back on track after being unemployed, depresseed and addicted for 1 year. He continuously lied about the addiction and doctors visits even though it was completely obvious what he was doing. I really thought that he got his life on track, but he hasn't. He has started back up..seeking out doctors, getting the drug on the internet, etc. He tells me to "mind my own business" and let him handle this. Being that we live together, sharing not only our lives, but expenses etc, I feel that this is my business. He will not accept my help, I am willing to help him through this even though he has continuoulsy lied about this and his problem to me. I have lost alot of trust and respect for him at this point however. What do I do now? leave him? stay around and watch this whole cycle again? I love him and do want to share my life with him, but at this point, he is either in denial or just doesn't care what happens. Any advice here?
You are not alone. I am in the same boat as you, and there is hope. It is my husband who is an addict. He has been addicted to painkillers for years and I had no idea... I even married him not knowing! He's lied to me so many times and when I finally confronted him,(I found some pills about 4 months into our marriage) he broke down and admitted that he needed help and wants to quit. I, of course had so many feelings running through my head and heart... I felt cheated, angry, fooled, stupid for not knowing, and finally sympathetic, knowing he needed me to help and support him. I was so angry that he lied to me so many times, including when we said our vows. He married me keeping this big secret.. I didn't even have a choice. Although, given the choice, I still would have married him, I love him too much.
Anyway, he did get help. Once he admitted it, and once he decided that he can't go on taking pills, he needed my support and the support of his family. He wasn't getting the pills from a doctor, but on the street, mostly from a so-called "friend" who was recently arrested on a variety of charges. So, his source was taken away and that made it easier to quit. He also confessed to his whole family... mom, 4 sisters, brother, sister-in-law... who all have been a tremendous source of support for both of us. He also went to his family doctor and has called some counselors, although, he hasn't gone to any professional rehab or meetings or anything like that. He's getting closer to going, though.
It isn't easy. I am still having a very hard time trusting him and forgiving him for lying to me. It's been 2 months and we have had many a fight because of my suspicions and mistrust. But, as I learned from this forum, he needs your support... As long as he wants to quit. You can't do it for him... he has to want it himself. It sounds like he is in denial and isn't ready to give it up just yet. I'm not sure what to tell you to do now... I basically made it clear to my husband that He has to stop...I won't put up with it... I can't live with that. I guess in so many words, it was an ultimatum, however, I never really said the words "I will leave you if you don't stop."
Anyway, I hope I helped you a little. It also helps to confide in someone, if you have a friend or family member to talk to. This forum is also very helpful... read previous posts, there is alot of good information and support. I'll be checking back if you have any questions about my situation that may be helpful.
Good luck.
Rather than wearing out my keyboard, let me just tell you, as a 25-year rx narcotic addict, death, taxes and your husband going back to pain pills are the three things in life we can all count on -- unless he does the full-boat rehab and total-immersion 12-step (AA) program. He's made a good start -- honesty with the family and friends -- but it's not enough by a long shot. He really must do it all or you'll be right back where you started, finding pills, confronting him, etc. etc. etc.
Insist on it, or you will be walking a trail of tears for a long time. Take care.
After my last post to you I found myself thinking of something you said in your post about your husband lying to you and how your trust in him has been compromised. Consider these words:
All human beings have opiate receptors in their brains. Therefore we are all suseptible to narcotic, i.e., opiate addiction. Becoming addicted was not a moral failing on the part of your husband. It was a human failing. Don't hold that against him. As for the dishonesty, believe me, narcotics would have turned Ghandi into a liar and a sneak. Secrecy is part of every addict's life. If your husband has been otherwise faithful and good to you, don't assume that he is somehow not the man you thought he was. Drugs make the best of us say whatever we have to in order to obtain and use. It doesn't mean he isn't a good man. Besides, he has come clean now, which should tell you that you are more important to him than the pills. Don't shame him just for that. I've said this already on this board, but I'll say it again: Shame is why we all get as bad as we do before we finally seek help. Shame is the great killer. Your husband didn't tell you before you married because he was ashamed. He was afraid you wouldn't love him if you knew.
Without shame, there is hope and redemption. As long as he does the right thing, love him for it. Stand by him. He may one day have to do the same for you.
And to Kerri - I married my husband without telling him I was addicted. It wasn't "drugs," it was "medicine from the doctor." We struggled with my problem (note the "we") for 17 years until I finally ended up in rehab. That was almost 5 years ago, and in September, we will celebrate our 22nd anniversary. I never would have made it without his love and support. And believe me - I sure tested it. I am so lucky that he stood by me (and still does) and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Good luck!
Sherri
Not to promote AA, but they could certainly plug you into the whole Treatment/Recovery world, such as it is. There are so many choices. I would start by lining up the detox part of this journey. You've got to get him to accept treatment, first. Good luck to you, aj.