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I have a mood question...
by jennyfla, Apr 27, 2001 12:00AM
I am an addict (and not proud of it). I am addicted to oxy's along with my husband who is addicted to oxy's and methadone. I would LOVE to get off of these horrible pills because i feel like they are robbing me of my inner soul. I have 3 beautiful children and the guilt and shame that i feel towards myself should be enough to enable me to get away from this addiction. I am afraid of what I/we are doing to our children. I'm like 1/2 a mommy, although i feel i do a good job, there must be so much more of me that i could give to them if it wasn't for this awful addiction.
I used to be able to take the pills only at night (snorting), and get away with not needing them until nitetime again. Now, i'm starting to feel the withdrawl upon waking. I usually make myself suffer a bit before i give in.
My question is my moods. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning (i work full-time, so i force myself to), and this happens even on the weekends. Now, once i've been up for 1/2-1 hour, i'm ok. What is going on here? Has this ever happened to anyone before?
I told my husband I would ask this question about liver damage. My husband is a mod-hvy drinker, plus shooting oxy's. Can you please tell him that using oxy's, definately does effect the liver, especially when combined with alcohol. He thinks the main danager only lies with pain meds and tylanol, but i don't think so.
Thank you for listening to me. We've been together for 20-years now, and have had our ups and downs, but this is like nothing I have ever experienced. Also, my husband went into an excellent 28-day rehab back 2-years ago, but unfortuately, because he didn't work the program, and apparently was not ready, it didn't work. And I'm no better myself!
Thank you for listening, and i've enjoyed reading the posts on this forum. I hope to become a part of it, and i hope that i might be able to help some of you, as you have helped me with your wonderful knowledge. I'm especially interested in the detox and easing withdrawal symptoms tips, excellent info.
Thanks for listening.
Lv Jenny
I used to be able to take the pills only at night (snorting), and get away with not needing them until nitetime again. Now, i'm starting to feel the withdrawl upon waking. I usually make myself suffer a bit before i give in.
My question is my moods. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning (i work full-time, so i force myself to), and this happens even on the weekends. Now, once i've been up for 1/2-1 hour, i'm ok. What is going on here? Has this ever happened to anyone before?
I told my husband I would ask this question about liver damage. My husband is a mod-hvy drinker, plus shooting oxy's. Can you please tell him that using oxy's, definately does effect the liver, especially when combined with alcohol. He thinks the main danager only lies with pain meds and tylanol, but i don't think so.
Thank you for listening to me. We've been together for 20-years now, and have had our ups and downs, but this is like nothing I have ever experienced. Also, my husband went into an excellent 28-day rehab back 2-years ago, but unfortuately, because he didn't work the program, and apparently was not ready, it didn't work. And I'm no better myself!
Thank you for listening, and i've enjoyed reading the posts on this forum. I hope to become a part of it, and i hope that i might be able to help some of you, as you have helped me with your wonderful knowledge. I'm especially interested in the detox and easing withdrawal symptoms tips, excellent info.
Thanks for listening.
Lv Jenny
My husband is very much like your husband with the moods, and the f*ing ***** comments, and the anger. He is addicted to oxys and methadone, so in answer to methadone question, no, there's no difference in my book, only difference is it lasts longer, so the periods between the angry moods are spaced out a bit more.
I am also an addict, and it's gotten worse lately. I am extremely co-dependent, and have my own list of issues I guess i choose not to face. The main one, being my husband. When i'm high, it doesn't hurt so much to be in this life. I'm afraid if i free myself from addiction, the space between us with be so huge, it will NOT be a happy place to be. Like it's one now (HA!!!!!!) While i was pregnant, mid-'99 through beginning of '00, i didn't drink or drug, quit cold-turkey on the day of my pregnancy test. I wasn't using drugs to the point of feeling the withdrawal effects, but stopping drinking and cigerettes had me in a depression for about 1-month. Then i focused on the new life inside me (my 3rd child). We were living in a motel at the time with our 2 children, we had a house-fire in April '99 and had to move out for 4-months. The housefire was caused by my husband's carelessness while taking perscription clonzapam for anxiety after rehab, and drinking 2-beers. He didn't turn the stove off properly, and the kitchen caught fire, etc. etc. He got out ok, barely, and i was at the beach with the kids. WOW, what a shocker!!! He had been in a 28-day program at one of the best rehabs in the country just gettin out 2-months prior. He stopped going to meetings, therefore, struggled incredibly with his wanting to use again. Well, while trying to put out the fire, he slipped on the tile and was taken to the er, and boom, what do you think they gave him, pain pills. He was in rehab for pain pills, herion, oxys. Wammo!!! He got caught up in it again. The stress of the house being burned was so great, what do you think i did? You got it, give me some of those pain pills because this is too much to bear. He found a pain management dr, and he was in heaven. I could deal with everything as long as i was high, and then, blammo again, i became pregnant (which was something i very much wanted for a long time). But was i happy, NO, i missed my pain pills. I stayed strong, and after a while, i started to feel better and i enjoyed the pregnancy. But i waited for the day when i could get something during labor, so i could feel high again. After we had our baby, i was given pain pills for the afterpain of childbirth. Alright, home again!!!!!! By this time, by husband was into bigtime oxy abuse. he has his lorecet script changed to oxys because of the lack of tylonol. He was "home". I started to dabble slowly in it also. I husband also bought methadone from friends, which he took everyday to get him through the low dose periods of the day. So what did i do, money was getting tight, i think i'll find a dr. You would not believe what this man prescribed me, a 5'3" 108lb women!!!! Is he CRAZY!!!!! Money problem is now solved. Left with two very full-blown addicts, with jobs, 3 children to take care of. Two people that have been together for 20 years. No real love between us (it's all dead, plus who needs it when you have the "pills" right?) All emotions are dieing. I try to explain these things to my husband, but he thinks i'm nuts. I try to explain why everything isn't MY fault, why things are the way they are, and everything always comes back to one thing, ADDICTION!!!!!!!! All our problems come back to ADDICTION!!!!!! We've abused alcohol all our lives. We've never even learned how to have a relationship sober. I really wonder if we'd like eachother???? Hummmmm!!!!
I seem to have a tighter grip on reality than he does, but i feel my hold getting looser and looser! I am afraid of losing it all! I love my children with all my 1/2 heart! The other 1/2 is controlled by addiction! I miss feeling things like i used to. I miss loving life, and enjoying waking up in the morning looking forward to the day and looking forward to looking into my 3 children's little hopeful eyes just wondering what this day will bring! My soul has died (i've been told i have the look, back at my husband's rehab over 2-year's ago). I look at past pictures, and wonder where she went.
Sorry to get so off track, but i agree with others on the board, as long as your husband is using, it doesn't matter what, he is still an addict. The only way he will be free is when he decides to give up 'everything' so he can have 'everything' again!
I feel your pain, and your words really hit a cord.
Be good to yourself, and never believe anything he tells you!!!
Lv Jenny
He, like me, finds himself asking "what now?". When do I start feeling happy? I have had some people tell me that life keeps getting better and better even up to a year into recovery. It is just very hard to see now. But life is getting better every day.
One thing that this experience has taught me is that people who successfully recover become stronger people in the end. Sometimes even stronger than if the addiction hadn't occured. Addiction is a hurculean battle that if successfully fought can turn people into giants. Interesting idea.
Take care all...how is life Chad?
Now, to my point - let's say hypothetically that many of us really do have physiologically or genetically serotonin deficits, etc. Like a diabetic who needs insulin etc. Now I am not saying I buy this, but let's assume it's true and we just need the right medication - like Prozac, Wellburtin, Zoloft ( any others you guys know of/ recommend?).
Has anyone every made the successful transition from pain killers to antidepressants. If so, I would like to hear which antidepressants appear to be the most appropriate. I know this requires a medical doctor and an assessment and each case varies, however I find it an interesting question and would love to tap your collective brains for suggestions.
Much Thanks, FLee
I read here the terrible problems staying off once you get off and I wonder if that's easier for people who're dependant as opposed to addicted?
Oh, btw, your posts would be a bunch easier to read if you'd put a space after every comma. I notice you leave that space out. Is something wrong with your keyboard? Could happen, you know. I've seen stranger things.
Thanks,
Frank
The trouble is, I am very dependent on the pills now. I am working with a wonderful psychiatrist (he treated my Grandmother during early stage alzheimers for years-he knows my whole family) who prescribes me the Vicoprofen to treat pain, but with the intention of tapering down. It is working extremely slowly and with setbacks.
We have tried Prozac, Effexor, Paxil, buspar, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is nailing it. No kidding. I had so many other nasty side effects with the others. Zoloft made me feel like I was going to shoot out of my skin-I would shake and tremble visibly. Wellbutrin, however, helps with cravings for everything, without so many side effects. (Cigarettes, Vicoprofen, food). It has increased my energy level and picked up my mood. It also doesn't interfere with my ability to climax-which all the others did terribly.
It isn't perfect, and it can't replace opiods. Opiods and anti-depressants work differently. It is helping, though. It is a sum of many parts that will be required to end the pills someday once and for all.
oh yeah-I take 150 mg once a day-preferably morning.
I hope this helped.
Pixie
Flee
Please explain.
Thanks,
Flee