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MedHelp Member's Question

Heroine Addiction

by kclark, Jul 03, 2001 12:00AM
I have been married two months.  Two days ago my husband told me that he was a heroine addict.  He is 41, and has been using heroine since 1988.  He used for about 4 years, and then received methadone treatment.  He finished treatment after 4 years, the day after he completed treatment his mother (whom he took care of) died, and he turned to heroine.  He did heroine for a month, then went back onto methadone.  He was on methadone when we began dating.  He did not want me to know about his treatment or addiction, so he decreased his dosage quickly and got off a month before we were married.  He was clean for two weeks, and then started using heroine again.



My husband came to me two days ago and told me of his addiction.  Yesterday he willing admitted himself into a detox clinic at a hospital that has an intensive inpatient/outpatient program.  He will be in detox approximately 3 to 6 days.  After detox a treatment plan will be reccommended.



My question is, what course of action do I need to take, to help with the rehabilitation process?  What can I do to help decrease the liklihood of relaspe?  What is the best method of treatment?



I realize that I have a long road ahead of me, and that relaspe is likely.  I want to be able to do what is best without enabling my husband.



You help is much appreicated.
Member Comments (28)

by Bijou, Jul 03, 2001 12:00AM
The fact that he was willing to go in for treatment and DETOX, says alot! He obviously loves you a great deal.Heroin is a powerful drug, it allows you to stay in a perpetual state of numbness, instead of dealing with everyday problems or big,underlying ones. Until,of coarse you can't go up any higher and you just have to take it to stay well and not go into terrible,painful withdrawls. It's easy to just go get high when things go wrong and that's why people find it so hard to stay clean,because in life,THINGS JUST GO WRONG! You can't help it,it's the way you cope with it that counts,and some people just cannot cope.(without drugs) It dosent make them bad people and I think he's going to need all the support and empathy that you can give.TOUGH LOVE DOES NOT WORK ON ADULTS!!! Of coarse he didn't want you to know,he didn't want to lose you or scare you.You say "HEROIN" and people FREAK!but it's really just another addiction like alcohol and some people can quit and make it and some people don't. He sounds like he really wants to get off of it and has made attempts in the past and that's a good thing,with you by his side and your love and commitment to stick it out and help him,I have no doubt that he can do it. Be Strong! I will put you both in my prayers. Bijou....

by cindi, Jul 03, 2001 12:00AM
To: KClark
Hi and wlecome to the forum,,,,,good for your husband.....willingness is a the key to recovery...and I realize that you want to be a part of his recovery.....please understand this...you will not ever understand the situation he is in unless you yourself is an addict...I do not mean this in a negative way....you can read about the diesease of addiction and the recovery process but like I said, unless you are an addict you cannot even begin to understand the process and that's ok...you should not be expected to understand...you support and love is what is important here...support, not enabling, tough love etc...but support and encouragement...I don't want to scare you but sometimes when a person is in a relationship (marriage included) the non addict person at times can develop a feeling of being left out,,as your spouse or significant other will be interacting with other addicts,,at meetings etc....and of course he will have a sponsor that he will share alot of deep feelings with and sometimes this may make the spouse somewhat jealous or again, feeling left out....Please,  do not let this interfere with your marriage...realize that this interaction for him is very important...it may do you a world of good to develope your own relationships with people in your shoes,,,,by attending alanon or naranon meetings...they can help you through any turbulent times...you do not need to walk on eggshells, just love him, encourage him, support him and reassure him....setbacks may happen,,,,this is normal,,,,most importantly,,,remember that he has to live one day at a time, someday, one second at a time...as so you should as well,,,the addiction did not happen overnight,,,nor does recovery,  it is a lifelong committment....a treatment for a disease which has no cure, like diabetes,,,he must do what he needs to do for his own recovery,,,,and you must allow him to do what he needs to do and never stand in his way....graciously step aside if you have to and let this man recover his own way in his own time....i tell you all of this from my own personal experience as a woman who went into treatment and my significant other at the time was the one who was unable to step aside and allow me to recover.....soon afterward I met my now husband who i did meet in recovery,,,,,so I am also married to a recovering addict....I have to watch out for my own needs and work my own program and allow him the courtesy of doing the same.....and yes,  at times it is difficult....but trust me hon,,,you sound like you are off to awonderful start,,you love this man, and he loves you,,,,for what it's worth.....i have a good feeling about all you have said.....please, keep coming back and keep us posted on his progress...good luck to you both and you are in my prayers    love to all     cin

by Francoise, Jul 03, 2001 12:00AM
Try this link:  http://www.ibogaine.desk.nl/



There's tons of information here.



Best of Luck



Francois

by Thomas, Jul 03, 2001 12:00AM
To: kclark
It's refreshing to hear about a man who cares more for his wife than for heroin. I'd give him all the credit in the world for being honest with you (I'm sure he was worried to death that he'd lose your love when he told you -- sounds like a brave, committed man, from what you say. His best bet after his detox is to get on the methadone program long term, even if it means the rest of his life. Methadone will stop his cravings and give him (and you) a chance for a worthwhile, normal life.



The best thing you can do is support him in his methadone program, never use his addiction as a weapon when you fight, never try to use his problem as a way of tearing him down or shaming him. When it comes to addiction, SHAME KILLS. SHAME WILL DRIVE HIM BACK INTO THE ARMS OF HEROIN. What's happened to him happens to millions of people and doesn't mean he's not a normal, decent man capable of loving you as much as anyone else.



Just have faith in him and never shame him for his problem as long as he's following his course of treatment. At the same time, refuse to enable him if he turns to heroin. Let him know that you won't tolerate his using anything but his methadone



Tell him how much his honesty and commitment to recovery means to you. But use every opportunity you can to get away from those places and situations where he used. Help him get into activities and hobbies the two of you can share, aerobic activities that will help cleanse his body, displace the inevitable tension that his disease can create, and when he is in his meetings, you go to your meetings (narcanon or even alanon for the family of addicts - in these meetings you'll make countless friends and allies that will help you understand his disease and help you understand that it isn't your fault he has this common disease. Be proud that he wants recovery and wants you more than he wants his drugs. Encourage him to stay on the methadone, if necessary, for the rest of his life. It's a disease and some have to stay in treatment for the balance of their lives. But it works! Methadone will free him of his cravings and let him be the husband you want him to be.



If he has any kind of accident requiring painkillers, let his narcotics anonymous friends know so they can help him get through the healing without expanding his use of painkillers beyond what he really needs. Let him know you love him and am proud to be his wife. BELIEVE IN HIM AND LET HIM KNOW YOU BELIEVE IN HIM. That is what it really boils down to. The best of luck to both of you.



Thomas

by CASEY, Jul 04, 2001 12:00AM
To: Kclark
The good news is, he wants to quit. I am so happy for you and him. I look forward to the day that my son is willing to check into rehab for heroin use. I have made all of the classic mistakes in trying to help my son stay clean. Save yourself some time and anguish and start alanon meetings today. They have saved my life. Not only will they help you with your immediate issue but also help you grow in all aspects of your life. The meetings are good for everyone, not just those with addicts in their life.  The forum is right, '"tough love" is a television myth. The only kind of love is authentic love and you will figure out how to be true to yourself and him. You are both in my prayers. Casey

by skipper, Jul 04, 2001 12:00AM
To: kclark § everyone
KCarke;

welcome to the forum. you will find much support and love on this forum. I've used drugs (mostly opiates) from the age of 14 to 50.

18 of those years were in recovery until an old neck surgery came

along to lure me back down the path.

my first sponcer in a 12 step program told me 3 things to never

forget:

1) I'm going to love and care about you & thereis not a dam thing you can do about it!

2) not everyone is supposed to live through this disease.(many of

my friends fell dead along the road)

3) not all addicts find recoverry

i know these last 2 are awfully severe but my own expierence has

born them out.

your husband wanting to detox and involve himsely in some kind of  

program is a miracle in itself. it sounds like the 2 of you are off

to a very promising start. please stuck with it and let us know how

it's going from time to time. were all ears

by jennyfla, Jul 06, 2001 12:00AM
To: kclark
Good luck to you and your husband.

Listen to all these wonderful people, some great advice from some of the best!!!  As Cindi said, it's hard to understand the disease unless you are an addict yourself.  The best thing you can do is get couseling to understand what things you can do to try not to make the problem worse for him and yourself.

His program should have some family counceling that will teach you all about the disease so you are not so 'in the dark'.  It is very complicated and there is far more to the disease than most people realize.

Be patient, and give him his room to find his way, and always make sure he knows you love him!

Best of luck!

Jenny

by kclark, Jul 09, 2001 12:00AM
Thank you for all of your wonderful advice.  My husband is out of the hospital and has started methadone for treatment.  We are currently searching for a good counselor (he was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome and depression).  Hopefully this will help in the future.



The future looks bright, and I am looking forward to the years to come.

by neenie, Jul 10, 2001 12:00AM
hi everyone. it has been months since my last post. spook where are you? hi cindi. i know you are in florida. the last time we wrote, we said we would meet somehow here. i emailed wiz for advice and after typing for about 30 minutes, it was sent back. i have the hotmail address but you never got it. isn't it at wizrdmagick@hotmail? anyway, i see a lot of new people have posted. i have been reading a lot of the posts but i finally want to vent...i was up to a few hundred mgs. of oxys for the past couple of days. i can do w/out the oxy but of course it's the oxycodone b/c i love percocets. once you get a few oxy thouh\gh, you can't go back to just percocets, b/c it's not the same feeling. without anything though, i just feel so depressed. i want to start NA but i have no motivation to do anything. i want to sleep all the time when i don't have these pills. i am afraid of the withdrawals, so that's why i keep getting more. i have no true pain anymore. i am just an addict.there were days when i would take like 15 percocetys and a few oxy in one day- not all at once but with it i could do all the things i can't do when i don't have them. i feel so depressed and unmotivated. i have no energy. i started an outpt. program but i walked out during a group session. i hate talking to people and sharing things that i don't want to talk about. i don't even feel like talking. at that time i just weanted to stay home.so i was clean for a total of 7 days and then i got some percocets. in 3 years i have never been clean for 7 consecutive days, but i am going to do this again. i am out of everything. i want to start NA, get a sponsor, and get off of this without feeling the depression,laziness, sadness. please help. love neenie

by Wizard, Jul 10, 2001 12:00AM
To: neenie
neenie, it looks like you got it right so hereit is again for you or anyone who wants to write me.  ***@****    

I've said before and I'll say it again neenie, as long as you keep trying no matter how many times you may relapse you will get there! I won't sugar coat it and say that there is an easy no depression comfortable way to do it, but if you do it the rewards FAR out way the discomforts. As you said you are not in pain you are just taking the oxys for your addiction. Go to the meetings, get a sponsor I'm not sure but i think they don't force you to talk there, maybe someone else here could give you more info on that subject as I only know what I've read here. Please don"t despair and never give up hope! I will pary for you for sure neenie and please e-mail me whenever you want to. If it comes back again let me know here on the forum. God Bless you.

Power & Magick 2 U,

Peace & Light on us all,

Wiz

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Jul 10, 2001 12:00AM
To: Neenie
I just read your post and already feel like I've known you for many years! Most of us here know all too well the depression and lack of motivation you describe. It's an ugly world gone upside down without the drug, Neenie. Without help, it seems endless.



Please try to get to a meeting and be around others who are trying to come off of this merry-go-round. You are not required to speak. Just bring your body and your mind will follow, eventually. You will be amazed how quickly you make real friends(scary for addicts)! Hang in there, we need you very much!  J.B.

by skipper, Jul 10, 2001 12:00AM
To: neenie
neenie:

i'mrelative new to this forum. Back in may i had a second spinal

surgery. it was in the cervical (neck) region. the summer of 2000

i had surgery in the same area but it failed. my neurosurgeon told

me in january of this year "the fussion failed, you have to quit

smoking for 60 days before i correct the failed fussion. 2 days

later i had access to a 20 gage shotgun and was planning a hunting

accident. after a 72 hour hold in the spin bin i was sent to a

pain doc who took over my pain control. I was put on oxycontin 10s.

after surgery my dose was 120 mg of oxy twice a day and all the oxy

ir i wanted. the pain doc slowly worked me down to 40 mgs twice a day and 4 irs. i jacked the dose up to 120 twice a day. Before this neck