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my boyfriend's long struggle with methadone has taken my emotions for a ride. i've never met anyone that i am so in love with, and so dedicated to. but on this crazy drug rollercoaster i have to use all my strength to keep my own head above water and not let it affect the way i feel about him. lately i have been stressed completely and find myself popping stupid over the counter anything to calm myself down. it's been a drawn-out process, and he and i are sharing in frustrations.
from my perspective, i recognize that i am enabling him to the 'enth degree. i give everything i can to keep a smile on his face and his spirits up. he is not lacking in appreciation, just output. his addiction has made him lie, pawn my things when he is broke and i am not around. he is so ashamed by his actions. i admit it's made a part of me bitter and so angry, a part that i try to keep from my heart where i hold him. i try to stifle these feelings, and only be a positive influence around him. i forgive him time and time again.
i have always been an optimist, and this addiction is the only thing that's ever made me come close to feeling helpless and weary.
hope is the only thing that's kept me going. kept my head up.
please let me know your thoughts. this forum is the only thing i have to turn to.
cat
Your boyfriend needs a good program, preferably a 28-day program that is able to handle methadone addiction, because he can be a tricking one. If his dose is higher than 40 mg, you will have a hard time finding a rehab that will even take him prior to a hospital visit.
Good luck, and i hope your boyfriend gets this worked out for himself, and you need to think about what is important to YOU in YOUR life!
Lv Jenny
http://www.gopbi.com/partners/pbpost/epaper/editions/wednesday/
Unbelieveable!!!
Jenny
Wren
I hope you're ok!
Jenny
I'm so glad you posted, and am sorry I was not on last night to talk with you, I could have used it too! I've been thinking about you, wondering how you have been doing and hoping for the best.
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. It continues to be a struggle for me as well, though I've had to come to terms with the fact that for the time being I do still need the meds for pain. I'm trying to stay in integrity with myself, and take only what treats the pain, not one pill more.
I want to share something that has really helped me, that I learned on this forum. I've been taking huge ammounts of the Zinc/Mangnesium supplements that a poster named pillpoppa recommended. I was not sure if it was working. But, now that I've been taking them over a week, I think they are. Yesterday, I took a dose of vicoprofen at 3pm. At bedtime, I was not in pain, so I choose to skip the night dose. It was 8 hours since my last dose by then, I was surprised I was not in withdrawal..pre zinc, I would have withdrawals around 6 or 7 hours after my last dose. I slept through the night, and was not even feeling withdrawals when I got up at 8am. The only thing that I've done differently is the zinc. Lots of it. Give it a try...it can't hurt. I think it is most helpful when you are on it for a week or so first.
Hang in there Wren, I need you as much as you need us! It helps me beyond words to know that you, Jenny, and everyone else is dealing with the same struggles.
lots of love,
WW
Love,
Angelica :o}
I know how you feel. Today I ran out of my percocet and called my doctor and he refilled it. Gave me 7.5/500. I didn't even know that percocet came in that strength but from what I understand ther is also a 2.5...5...7.5...10. One doctor wrote me a prescription fo 60-10/650 percocets. At the time I was so happy and it felt like I would never run out. I start to get anxious, depressed, and scared when I run out. I start to get desperate and start calling old doctors trying to make appointments so they can give me more. It usually works. I am not proud of this. Everytime I run out I think of quitting but the withdrawl get soooo bad. I did detox before...they gave me buprenorphine. I don't recomend buprenorphine because ot has nalaxone in it, so it wont get you high (at least thats what the nurse said), The problem with the nalaxone is that it pulls the opiates off the receptor sites putting you into instant withdrawl. It made me very sick!! From my personal experience this is what I would do. DO NOT try and go cold turkey. Also I recomend against tappering. The reason why is because, at least for me, that I don't taper off them...I keep sneaking the pills. I have no self control when it comes to percocets (in your case Vicoprofen). What you should do is come clean with your doctor. Tell him whats going on. DO NOT feel ashamed by telling him about your addiction. Doctors have heard it all. A doctors job is to treat diseases and addiction is a disease. Ask him about Darvon. It is an opiate but it is a very mild opiate. Also take Clonodine for the skin crawling feeling and the aching you feel. Problem with clonodine is that it will make you very cold and you will feel "drugged". Also you will feel very tired...which isn't bad because when you detox you will have trouble sleeping. Your doctor may give you Ativan or Valium to take as well. The problem with that is that you don't want to give an addict another controlled substance. The last thing you want to do is trade one addiction for another. If you are going to be away (like the beach) and not able to detox I would say to continue with the vicodin. The only reason why I say this is because you don't want to get sick on vacation and spend the night in the ER. When you get back make an honest effort to try and get off them.
I am in your shoes too. I desperately want to get off of them but it is soooo hard. You are headed into the right direction by wanting to quit. Believe when I say that detox is the easy part...staying off of it is the hardest part. I've been battling with this for a while. Try to get your husband's support. Tell him your goals and tell him it would mean alot to you if he stood by you. let me know how you are doing. I hope we beat this thing!!! You can e-mail me anytime at: ***@****. Good Luck!!
Tyler
Yes, I did see your posts, and I'm sorry I'm only responding now...
I went to the website and read your story...woa! You have been through hell and back, to say the least! I think I have a glimmer of understanding by what you mean when you say you are a proof of a miracle. How did you end up with all those broken bones? Are you better now?
I really took to heart what you, Wizard, and JB said to me about taking the medication if the pain is real and strong. It is real, and it indeed is strong. No doubt about that. Where I continue to need help is in maintaining my ability to only take what I need for the pain, rather than taking 2 or 3 extra to chase a high. I've been doing ok the past few days, but every time I need to take my dose, I face the temptation to take more. Every single time. I really wish that I didn't have pain, though I know no matter what it would be hard to stop.
Angelica, have you had to struggle with the psychological addcition part of all this? If so, how did you handle the need for the pain relief as well as the need to be free of the desire to get high and the psychological addiction?
Thanks for your support..I so need it, and will never forget the kindness that you and others are offering!
love,
WW
I've been logging on to the forum when it is time for me to take my meds, and I take them while I'm reading it. This does help me to stay true to my desire to only use what I need for the pain.
Thank you all..I'm doing this five hours at a time LOL I know that if I slip, that does not make me a horrible person, but I try to just stay in the moment rather than worry about what I might do in another five hours.
love,
WW
I also noticed that since I started reading and posting on this forum I haven't been taking as much pain medicine as I use to. I would take a couple percocets (my drug of choice) and after about two and a half hours they would wear off. I didn't want to take another couple because I didn't want to overdose. But every four hours I would be popping more. I would do stuff to keep me occupied between dosings. Now I can honestly say that I go about 6 hours between dosing which is a huge accomplishment for me. Talking to people and reading their stories on this forum does help with the cravings. That is why I like this forum the best of all the others on the web. The reason is because everyone in this forum is honest. Other forums I would read people's stories about going through great lenghts to get the drugs and say they are not addicts. I'm glad I could find a web site where people are honest and want to help others. I remember going to a drug program every morning for three hours and people would have the nerve to ask me for drugs