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Right back where I started from...a story inside...

by squirrel1970, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
Boy is it hard to post here! Quick recap: 33 years old, addicted to Vicodin ES for 2 year. About 15-20 a day. Tried controlled/supervised taper with my Dr.; didn't work cuz I was taking them for the high still, not to taper. Went to a psychiatrist who specialises in addiction (been doing it for over 30 years). She gave me catapres (clonodin) and Valium. Didn't work for ****. I talked her into giving me some Stadol NS because no one had any Subutex (in her defense she is also a neurologist, and I do suffer from migraines). Then 2 days later she got me some Subutex. I tried it for 4 days. It did reduce the cravings (she only gave me 2mg per day, I thought I should be on a bit higher). It also gave me wicked bad headaches. I managed to stay clean for 8 days! May not seem like much, but it was the longest I was clean in over 2 years. Then back on May 5, I blew it. It was my bday, and I wanted to celebrate. So I did. Now here I am 18 days later, and I've hardly gone a day without using. Been dr. shopping again, and also going to pain management doctors. I have found one that does "bio-electric" pain management. I suffer from severe TMJ, and he wants to shoot my face full of electricity for 45 min sessions. Says this will eventually cure me and I will be pain free. Meantime he gives me Norco or Lortab. I let him do 1 treatment, and honestly it was weird but I did feel less pain after. Prob is I am broke. I know I need to stop this! I have found a really cool counselor/PhD, but I don't have the $ to see him yet. Wife is on the way to pharm to pickup another Lortab script for me.
Member Comments (26)

by squirrel1970, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
wow-sometimes these forum docs are mean! : )



Actually I just wanted to do what a lot of people here do. Share my pain and experience. I want to quit. I am going to quit. Hopefully today I will be getting a call about a job interview. I think that getting out of the house and working will help my recovery; I won't be sitting at home all day thinking about and taking pills. I will have something to occupy my mind. Plus we sure need the money!



And fyi for the doc; I know Subutex is a long-term thing, but it is used mostly to treat heroin addicts that just cannot quit and have tried to quit unsuccessfully for long periods of time using many other methods first. It is mostly a maintenance drug, not a drug to help you quit over a short period of time. (As I am sure the wise doctors here know). That is why she only put me on it for 4 days; just to help me get over the acute withdrawal stage. The chronic withdrawal stage is up to me. I AM going to see a psychologist who specializes in treating addicts, I just don't have the $25 copay per session it's going to cost me. I don't care for NA, have tried it and it's just not for me. If it works for you, then great! By all means use it. Obviously it works for many, many people, otherwise it wouldn't exist. So, like I said. I didn't have a question, just a comment. Just wanted to share my experience with the folks here and see what they had to say. Just looking for a little encouragement. I also wanted to know if anyone had heard of this "bio-electric" treatment for pain (specifically TMJ). I dont want to hurt myself by doing it. I had to sign a very lengthy disclaimer before the dr. would even do it the first time. So if it messes me up for life, he is not responsible as I have been told the "risks." But he says he has "cured" TMJ in the past, and can "cure" mine forever. But as I have searched the internet far and wide, I have found NO refernece to "curing" TMJ, just ways to control it. I already spent $850 out of pocket on a new, high-tech TMJ splint to wear at night. I grind my teeth horribly when I sleep. I have tried many things to stop this, from stress-reduction, to muscle relaxers. to Xanax and Valium, and Paxil CR. But I still grind horribly. The splint doesn't stop the grinding, it just keeps me from destroying my teeth while I'm doint it.



Thanks and god bless the U.S.A. !

by Poppylover, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Squirrel 1970
Hi Squirrel,  



   Read your post I to suffer from TMJD email if you like I'd like to hear about your treatment and story.



Poppylover      ***@****

by Chezz2, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
Squirrel,



Your doc gave you some Stadol NS, and then some subutex to help you taper off narcotics?



Is SHE or YOU aware Stadol NS is a narcotic, relatively potent and has a high abuse potential?

There is another person on this board who may help fill in the voids here as to the Stadol is she wishes.

It just sounds a little counter productive to give someone a combination of drugs like that.

Just my humble opinion,

Chezz

by AmberHunter, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Everyone/squirrel
well, my two cents... i KNOW you were trying to tell your story but i have to tell you, i fully understood what the doc was trying to tell you...



i appreciate the insanity of what is going on in your life right now... and i know how much i ***** and moan when i take a look at my life and just want to scream...



don't think your problem is with the doc, think it is with the guy who looks back at ya in the morning from the mirror...



before you jump on me let me tell you a little bit of my story.



started using drugs at age 13, IV heroin at age 18, methadone by age 19. 13 different times in treatment, in-patient treatment. eight years clean in NA. best eight years of my life probably but still, NA is not for me...



even though heroin is my drug of choice i dearly love narcotics that come in any shape or form... i didn't make a doctors appt. this past friday b/c i was in too much pain and too afraid to go and try to play this doc for pills...



*shaking my head* there are no easy answers, i appreciate the way you told where you are at but i was left at the end kind of wondering if you had any idea where you wanted to be going or how you were going to get there.



i am not giving you a hard time squirrel, i understand the insanity, after 8 years clean in NA i have less than five months clean on my own... and i have fought tooth and nail for those five months. tooth and nail... heroin overdose in december, three weeks in hospital for pancreatitis from dec. to jan 2003. it just get worse and worse and worse and then we die or we find a way to live our lives without abusing drugs.



anyhow, that's enough for now! i am pulling for you squirrel, decide what you want to do and let us know... or email me, i am always open to an email... i am not the enemy, just as confused as you appeared to be when you posted that! *smile*



peace,



amber

by gracie97, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Mystere
Hey Lady, how are you? We are still "free"! I am not sure if you like "rock music" but the song "Bring Me to Life" says it all....I hope you had a great weekend.

Things are going well, but I just want to be the me I was 2 1/2 years ago, can anyone tell me when I will be back to that "neurotic" personality, that was ALWAYS doing something, not just "veggin" and watchin TV? Geez, I can tell you every show that was on Animal Planet yesterday. Today I can give a complete synopsis of what happened on the ABC soaps!!!!!!!!!(I played hooky today with hopes of really getting something done, well obviously, not much done)



by squirrel1970, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Chezz22
yes I know all about Stadol-it is quite similar to Subutex, that's why we used it. It definitely helps get rid of the acute withdrawal symptoms associated with opiod withdrawl. Like I said-she is a psychiatrist AND a neurologist. She actually has 11 degrees/certifications on the wall in her office! : )

I have used the Stadol in the past for my migraines. One time I was out of Vikes, hurtin' bad, and found an old bottle of Stadol NS. Being the junkie I am, I tried some. And BAM! the symptoms were gone. I even posted about that experience here. It was just a short-term solution till we could get some Subutex to try. You will be quite hard-pressed if you need some to find ANY pharmacy that stocks it, or any pharmacist that has even HEARD of it. But most can get it in w/in 24-48 hours with a script. And btw-I would never become "addicted" to Stadol NS. The buzz isn't that great : )

by whatitistoburn, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Gracie97
Hey Gracie,



Bring Me to Life is my anti drug song. Couldn't have put it any better than they have. What a great song.



Burn

by gracie97, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Burn
Oh man, how cool, exactly how I feel. Before I stopped/quit I used to cry every time I heard it, because it made me feel so guilty, NOW, I turn it up as loud as I can, listen to it at work, every chance I get. No more tears, it is an inspiration for me! I am so glad to hear that someone else gets it the way I do. Music can be interpreted so many ways, sometimes, I think I read way too much into songs, but this song has really made a difference for ME!

Where is WVIC, can you play this song for us all????

by gracie97, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Burn/VIC
Just played it for you both!

by whatitistoburn, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: Gracie
Thanks for playing it, Gracie. I just heard it to, and I cranked it. I hear you, music is a huge part of my life, and I'm very emotionally tied to it, so I have songs for all the feelings, event's in my life. Like you, I'd cry when I first heard it because I wasn't clean then, and the song was so about drugs sucking the life out of me, to me. Now that I'm clean it doesn't make me cry any more, and it's my battle song.



Have a good one.



Burn

by freezing, May 19, 2003 12:00AM
To: squirrel
Hey squirrel,

Stadol is very different from suboxone.  subox is a total kappa receptor antagonist.  stadol is a total kappa agonist.



I think the problem is what you stated.  You should have been on 8 to 16 mg of subox, not 2.  Try to find a doc who will properly prescribe it and you will have a great solution to your situation.  Good luck and well wishes.

by Thomas03, May 20, 2003 12:00AM
To: amber hunter
"eight years clean in NA. best eight years of my life probably but still, NA is not for me..."



I think that whatever you're looking for, you'll find it by explaining this contradiction. I know I'd like to understand it since it reminds me in some ways of my own situation.



Thomas

by Chezz2, May 20, 2003 12:00AM
To: Squirrel
Squirrel,



Here is just a little info on Stadol. IT is QUITE different from suboxone.

Just thought I would pass on the info. Hope it helps.



Chezz



_____________________________________________________________



Stadol NS (butorphanol) , made by Bristol-Myers Squibb, is a nasal spray form of analgesic (pain killer). Bristol-Myers Squibb claims that Stadol has a much reduced risk of the addictive qualities of other narcotics used to treat pain. Due to manufacturer’s claim of an extremely low potential for abuse, the FDA allowed physicians to prescribe Stadol without government control. C