time out,spanking,going to his room,taking toys away,you name it
we tried it.I spend time with him whenever I can get someone to
keep the baby so he will have time with me alone.He still will
not listen to me or mind me.Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thank you MIchelle Henderson
Posted by HVM Ph.D. - KDK on May 27, 1999 at 08:24:51Dear Ms. Henderson,
It looks like you're facing two (probably overlapping) concerns: (a) your son's oppositional behavior, and (b) his rivalrous stance and aggressive behavior toward his brother. Regarding the oppositional behavior, try to stick with a standard, systematic response. The following is usually an effective method of responding to young children's oppositional behavior. Be sure to issue directions in a clear, simple style (e.g., "[Name], pick up your toys.") When he complies with the direction, offer praise and encouragement. When he does not comply, repeat the direction only once, and in the form of an 'ultimatum' - e.g., "([Name], unless you pick up your toys you will go to time out.") Use an adult-size chair for a time out place, and employ a portable timer to track the time (start the timer only when your son is sitting quietly in the chair). Be sure to maintain your composure throughout the interaction. That is, be firm and decisive without yelling.
Regarding your son's relationship with his brother, it is wise to be firm in allowing no physical aggression - a 'zero tolerance' policy, if you will. Immediate time out (no warnings) is a reasonable response. But equally important is to reinforce your son for the appropriate behavior he demonstrates. Be watchful for times when he interacts successfully with his brother - some people refer to this as "catching him when he's good." At times, in response to sensible behavior, play with him or interact in some enjoyable manner, and let him know you are responding to his reasonable treatment of his brother.
