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emberassing question

by Me2mommy2b, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
Hello everyone.  I have a somewhat embarrasing question to ask you all.  I have a 15 mos old niece who's gotten into the habit of touching her private area.  My sister noticed it when she was changing her diaper one day and has been paying attn to it since.  Needless to say, my sister's very upset with her behavior and doesn't know what to do to make her stop.  Could it be maybe some kind of infection or maybe she's dry that's making her itch?  Isn't she too young for this kind of behavior?  Thank you all for your responses.
Member Comments (8)

by duehring, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
I know a child who did the same thing. She would also put one of her hands down her pants while sucking her other thumb. Her mother was upset about it, too. I have heard it is not abnormal and doesn't mean anything bad. I would just tell her to put a onesie on her so she can't get her hand down there and then not let her while changing her. She will quit the habit soon if she is not able to do it.

by AnnieBrooke, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
Look in the archives on this topic, there was a lively conversation of kids playing with their "peepees," leaning ryhthmically into their carseat straps and getting hypnotic looks on their faces, rubbing on the couch arm with their diapered peepee, and a whole bunch of other.  Small children don't know what "masturbation" is or all the societal baggage that comes along with the idea of it, all they know is if something feels good to them they will do it.  It's actually very normal.  If she were to keep doing this until the age when mommy could discuss it with her, the thing for mommy to do is to tell her (without judgement or anger) that this is a thing to do only in the privacy of her room.  Usually that does it because kids don't really want to go off away from everything in the household, even in order to do this. :)  Please have your sister talk to her pediatrician for ideas, the main thing is not to make the daughter feel bad or ashamed, she's not doing anything wrong, just something human.

by jackiemoo, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
To: AnnieBrooke
Well said!

by emma10, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
To: AnnieBrooke
Having had both a DS and a DD who went through the PHASE (it ends, it doesn't last forever!) of self-exploration, I applaud your comments.  Why would a parent get upset?  They touch EVERYTHING -- they know NOTHING. Hope the pediatrician is enlightened.

by twinsmommy, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
We get a handout at every check-up and at 18m it says "self-comforting behaviors (such as thumb-sucking, masturbation, and favorite toy or blanket) are age-appropriate ways for handling stress or tension. And at 24m "curiosity about body-parts is normal". They are just discovering themselves (I have twin boy/girl, they even want to help me clean each other, they don't know that's weird, they are just copying me and want to help!) and I think once they are old enough to understand (and once you have repeated this enough ;-) that they can't do this in public the behavior will stop. Don't be embarrassed, all kids do it.

by AnnieBrooke, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
To: jackie and emma
Thanks for your nice words.  The reason I suggested that the sister talk to the pediatrician is that she sounded unnecessarily negative over something so normal (all the "trying to make her stop" stuff) and I wasn't sure she would take the word of a bunch of ladies on a website about how normal it is and how important it is not to make the child feel bad about it.  I thought maybe an authority figure telling her this (instead of just me) would calm her down about the interpretations she was putting on the activity.  I appreciate the flyer mentioned by the other poster, too.  As you say, emma, they touch EVERYTHING, they know NOTHING.  Let's not start making them feel bad for that!

by ajemmom, Nov 13, 2006 12:00AM
My dd does this too!  She started at about 18 months and it hasn't stopped (she is 3 now!)  Doctor said that it is normal for kids to explor themselves, especially if it feels good.  What is important is to not make them feel ashamed, and once they are old enough to understand, tell them it is something done in private!

by Outdoorlove, Nov 14, 2006 12:00AM
Great advice anniebrooke!!



I guess my baby is starting really early then.  During our first ultrasound my little girl couldn't keep her hands out of between the legs.  The technician thought it was a boy because they see it often with boys in utero grabbing their penis but NOPE, 2nd ultrasound confirmed we have a little girl in there.



But from having been a nanny to 3 girls and having now 2 girls of my own the touching oneself is very normal.  It is true like the other moms have already stated, it is how a parent handles the situation that is of the utmost importance.  Kids do what feels good to them.  There isn't any stigma attached to touching themselves until someone puts a stigma on it.



I think parents have to handle this individually according to their own values but its been proven that ridiculing a child or berating them for self touch doesn't lead to anything positive in the future so it is one of those subjects that needs to be approached in a sensitive manner.
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