Questions in the Mental Health Forum have been answered by Roger L. Gould, M.D., affiliated with U.C.L.A. and by doctors from Henry Ford Health System.

Question Title: Loss of Wife

Forum: The Mental Health Forum
Topic: Bereavement and Grief


My wife and I were married for 51 years. During the last 4 years, she was bedridden and I was her caretaker. We knew that she was dying, but somehow the finality of her death is almost more than I can bear. She was my life for 51 years and now I feel as though I have no reason to get up in the morning. I find no joy in life any longer. I know this is depression, but I do not know how to pull myself up by the bootstraps. I do not want to take pills, nor do I see myself pouring my heart out to some stranger. It's not my "way". Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks - Jim



Dear Jim,

I am sorry to hear of your wife's passing. You did not state how long ago your wife died, or how long you have been feeling this way. Grief and depression share many features such as sadness, diminished interest, loss of energy or fatigue, sleep and appetite disturbances, and tearfulness. However, if these symptoms persist for longer than 2 months after a loss, and include marked impairment in functioning, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, excessive guilt, or thoughts of death or suicide, a diagnosis of a form of depression termed MAJOR DEPRESSION is more likely. Because grief reactions may progress into depression, counselling for those who are bereaved is often helpful. In addition, many communities have support groups for people who have lost loved ones. The good news is that depression can be successfully treated with psychotherapy and/or medications.

I hope you find this information helpful. It is provided for general medical educational purposes only, and should not replace consultation with your doctor for diagnostic and treatment options pertaining to your problems. Henry Ford Behavioral Services provides confidential consultation, available by calling (313)-874-6680 for an appointment.

*Keywords: bereavement, depression, grief, mourning, suicide


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