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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
Grief
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
Grief
by Valerie, Oct 22, 1999 12:00AM
Dear doctor,
Please tell me what is wrong. One year ago my best friend passed away from a severe bleed in her head. I don't recall what caused it but I remember the neurosurgeons saying it was not related to an aneursym or anything. I remember after she died I sat with my dad and just sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour and then I stopped crying and never shed a tear since. I never went to her funeral or memorial service. I guess in my mind if I didn't go then it didn't really happen and I just blocked it all out. In fact to this day I have never been to her gravesite so I have never had any closure. One day I was out and saw someone who looked just like her and all I could do was stare and hoped so badly that it was my friend because I miss her so very much. It is like a part of me died when she did. I am not suicidal or anything by any means just very sad. I was fine before she passed away. Now I am sick all the time. I have had a headache every day. My doctor did an MRI on my head to reassure me it was all ok but I can't get past that. I feel like I will die suddenly just like my friend did and no matter how hard I try I can not accept the fact that my scans are fine. I end up obsessing about my own health daily. I am very embarassed about this and concerned about the fact I can not accept the fact that I am fine. Is my behavior because I never really delt with my feelings at the time? Some days I do pretty good and can have a good day and other days I block everyhting out to avoid being so sad if that makes any sense. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week because I know I need some help. Is medication appropriate or is therapy a better idea? Thank you very much for your time.
Please tell me what is wrong. One year ago my best friend passed away from a severe bleed in her head. I don't recall what caused it but I remember the neurosurgeons saying it was not related to an aneursym or anything. I remember after she died I sat with my dad and just sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour and then I stopped crying and never shed a tear since. I never went to her funeral or memorial service. I guess in my mind if I didn't go then it didn't really happen and I just blocked it all out. In fact to this day I have never been to her gravesite so I have never had any closure. One day I was out and saw someone who looked just like her and all I could do was stare and hoped so badly that it was my friend because I miss her so very much. It is like a part of me died when she did. I am not suicidal or anything by any means just very sad. I was fine before she passed away. Now I am sick all the time. I have had a headache every day. My doctor did an MRI on my head to reassure me it was all ok but I can't get past that. I feel like I will die suddenly just like my friend did and no matter how hard I try I can not accept the fact that my scans are fine. I end up obsessing about my own health daily. I am very embarassed about this and concerned about the fact I can not accept the fact that I am fine. Is my behavior because I never really delt with my feelings at the time? Some days I do pretty good and can have a good day and other days I block everyhting out to avoid being so sad if that makes any sense. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week because I know I need some help. Is medication appropriate or is therapy a better idea? Thank you very much for your time.
Doctor's Answer
by HFHS.MD-AJ, Oct 25, 1999 12:00AM
Valerie,
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Your symptoms of sadness and excessive worrying about your health may be due to depression, anxiety, or a combination of both, which is not uncommon. Both disorders are treatable with a combination of medications and cognitive-behavioral therapy/interpersonal therapy. Therapy will hopefully allow you to resolve your feelings about the loss of your friend. You may wish to refer to our forum archives for more information about depression and anxiety. I also urge you to discuss your concerns further with the psychiatrist whom you are seeing soon.
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Your symptoms of sadness and excessive worrying about your health may be due to depression, anxiety, or a combination of both, which is not uncommon. Both disorders are treatable with a combination of medications and cognitive-behavioral therapy/interpersonal therapy. Therapy will hopefully allow you to resolve your feelings about the loss of your friend. You may wish to refer to our forum archives for more information about depression and anxiety. I also urge you to discuss your concerns further with the psychiatrist whom you are seeing soon.
Member Comments (3)
by Sylvia Plath, Oct 22, 1999 12:00AM
I would certainly see a therapist. Maybe there are other issues you are not considering.
by NG, Nov 04, 1999 12:00AM
Sylvia Plath?! You are a sick individual, since that is obviously not your real name, and this is a very real concern that Valerie had. You are not funny.
