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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
I need help explaining the disease process to my father
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
I need help explaining the disease process to my father
by terilyn, Mar 02, 2003 12:00AM
My younger brother has suffered from bipolar disorder for years. He is mostly manic and has been for as long as I can remember. He does great when he takes his medication, but as you know this often doesn't last. Yeaterday his wife left him and he hit bottom, he has threatened suicide many times but never fomulated a plan, yesterday he called to say goodby and tell me he was sorry. I contacted my parents in Fla. wherehe lives they called the police and he was baker acted. My father just can't understand the disease, he thinks it's all a game that my brother plays. I have searched the web for information to send to him but can't find anything that would explain to him the world my brother lives in and the destress that he has. My father just wants to critisize his life, his business dealings and the way he treats his family. I can't seem to get through to him that my brother is sick, he is constantly suffering and pulled in directions that are not always appropriate. How can I make him understand? My brother is a very successful business man, he owns and runs his own business, he tries to surround himself with people that are in awe of him, that re-inforce his belief that he is the greatest and can't loose at the crazy ventures he goes into. Help me explain to my father what is going on in my brothers head.
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., Mar 03, 2003 12:00AM
, Mar 03, 2003 12:00AM
I think you are fighting a losing cause..it doesn't sound to me like your father is even trying to understand. I think I would approach it more from the point of view of his denial and need to avoid the idea that your brother has a real illness. Is that a stigma for him? Is he the kind of person who doesn't acknowlege feelings or the presence of an interior life? Your father's criticism only exacerbates the problem. Does he know that?
I think the easiest way to explain it is that a person with bipolar has two kind of interior fluctuations that the world can't see, and only he can experience. One is chemical, and that is why medications work. The other is psychological...your brother is constantly fighting off a sinking and devastating depression. The manic episodes are an attempt to get as far away from that horrible depression as possible. They work for a while, then they have to be expanded in order to keep working, then they crash because they are not based on reality, and then the depression, and sense of utter failure occurs.
I hope that helps.
I think the easiest way to explain it is that a person with bipolar has two kind of interior fluctuations that the world can't see, and only he can experience. One is chemical, and that is why medications work. The other is psychological...your brother is constantly fighting off a sinking and devastating depression. The manic episodes are an attempt to get as far away from that horrible depression as possible. They work for a while, then they have to be expanded in order to keep working, then they crash because they are not based on reality, and then the depression, and sense of utter failure occurs.
I hope that helps.
It also has sections for relatives and friends of those with BP
I'm bipolar, my father was the exact same way - buisness man - "Just snap out of it" and "It's all in your head", "Go to the gym if your so hyper", were phrases I heard alot.
What I did was give him research to read - that explained my behavior prior to meds.He did start talking to people, doctors, and doing his own research.
After 3 years - He is finally supportive of me, and his attitude has changed.
I hope this helped.
I'm a 24 yr old male and for the past 6 years I have suffered with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression of some sort.
I've done just about every test known to man to see what's going on with digestive tract, and why I'm constantly fatiqued.
I have been on many antidepressents but have only made me MUCH MUCH worse. It seems now that my body is rejecting EVERYTHING, including things like caffiene.
I've been out of work for the past year on disability, and now forced onto unemployement. I go to the gym about 5 x's a week and try to play tennis 2-4 x's a week.
I've seeked treatement from therapists, acupucturist, cranialsacrial docs, massage therepists, and even hypnotherapy.
Since my body had such a horrible reaction from the previous antidepressants (Wellbutrin, Celexa, Remeron, and Prozac...and I think even a few more like Butral) I AM EXTREMELY FRIGHTENED to go back on one once again.
I feel like I'm back at square one all over again. No one has been able to help me at all.
Bottom line is, I don't feel depressed, I just feel really fatiqued all the time and mostly sick to my stomach.
I have been tested for just about everything including Chronic Fatique syndrome, Epstein bar, liver, kidney, etc. I've had about 10 CT scans within the past 2 years, and now I'm at the point in my life when the only one that can help me is ME.
I meditate everyday, pratice Qi Gong and Bac Hu.
Please HELP!!!
Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.
D-man
2 years ago I called my father to seek help and ended saying I was suicidal. Not a good idea since he's exactly the same way as Terilyn's and Mazzcm's father. Turns out we haven't spoken since then. I've tried 'reaching' him a couple of times but to no avail. His new wife telling me that it would be best to "not ever call back again" and my 3 e-mail addresses have been blocked from his personal server. And just now I learned he is hosting his sister's (my aunt's) website and email. Which is why my emails to her are constantly being bounced back to me ("Rejected content"). My father is very fond of this aunt's son, and this aunt has been my 'saviour' when suicidal, being the only one to openly talk about it and offer me unconditional support via email... Anyways, I've decided I no longer have a father. I am tired of always 'understanding' his closemindedness, knowing how closed up he is re feelings and all. But after all my support to him in all his relationships and baring with his cruel 'rejection of the past' when divorcing... having to deal with keeping relationships going with his 2nd wife and son (15yrs of 'family' for me, her being like a mother and her son like a brother all those years)... And trying to cope with my reminding them of my father, and my father condemning my continuing a relationship with them, and my having to hide this to preserve a relatively sain relationship with my father... Oof! All that sharing just to say that I admire: 1- those who found the words and way to communicate them to their narcissic father and succeeded in getting support from him afterall, and 2- the fathers who managed to find a place in their heart for understanding and forgiveness.
Now my situation is based on forgiveness through grief or mourning (I am not anglophone btw, hard to find proper words to express true feelings). Don't know if this is an appropriate attutide I've acquired through a series of psychotherapies and help groups, but it's one that satisfies and protects me from further risking being hurt again by his cruelty.
MAY LOVE, PEACE AND FORGIVENESS BE WITH ALL OF US HUMANS.