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My 13 year old son

Answered by

Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness

Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.

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MedHelp Member's Question

My 13 year old son

by isabel927, Jun 22, 2004 12:00AM

Tags: schizophrenia, mental, Health, Mental Health, school

I am worried about my 13 year old son. My father is bipolar and I have 3 uncles and 2 aunts and my grandmother ( on my dads side) who are schizophrenic. Ever since I can remember, my son has been "different". When he was younger( around 6), he had displays of rage that were unbelivable. Anything could set him off. Since then he has become more and more antisocial, not being able to enjoy anything, only being able to wear certain clothes and not able to function normally without overwhelming stress. Over this past year, things have been worse than ever. He is extremly intraverted, he will only speak a few words at a time, if that, he does not show pleasure in anything, he isolates himself in his room and he is failing school. He'll have a friend one day and drop them later with no explanation. When you try to talk to him, he makes no eye contact, just holds his head in his hands as if his head hurts. When he meets new people, he looks down, becomes fidgety and again, holds his head and rubs it with his head,whispers hi, then leaves. His ambivelance has worried his teachers at school. An example of this at home is : he has not had new sneakers in about a year. I have asked and asked, but he just says no, then he'll curse at me. Anyway, he finally asked me the other day to take him for new sneakers. We got to the store, his foot was measured ( a size 12) and as soon as he tried the sneakers on, he took them off and demanded that we leave the store immediatley. He put his old sneakers on ( which are a size 9!) and left. He did this the other day also with guitar lessons. He has a guitar and had been going to lessons for over a month. The other day, he packed up his guitar, got in the car, but when we got there, he got this weird look on his face, held his head again and said he would not go in, he did not need lessons anymore. When I ask him why all of a sudden, he'll just tell me to shut up. He does not speak unless spoken to, and when he does, he barely says anything. Understandbly, I am worried considering my family history. He has had tics since he was 7 and we were told he may have Tourettes. The tics do not seem to bother him, and are pretty unnoticable so I am not sure he even has Tourettes. His teacher told me he is very withdrawn in school, she might have to tell him 10 times to do one simple task like taking out his planner. I am worried that he will start to refuse to go to school, because he tells me he does not care about school, does not need it . Please help.Thanks

Doctor's Answer

by Roger Gould, M.D.

, Jun 29, 2004 12:00AM

The help you need is from a professional school counselor who is trained as a psychologist. If not available, you have to find a psychologist or psychiatrist who is trained in child and adolescent psychiatry. YOur son is in trouble and needs professional consultation.

Member Comments (7)

by purpledog, Jun 23, 2004 12:00AM

I have a 14 year old son and he has Severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and Tics. I do know about what you are going through. What needs to be done is he needs to see a Child Psychiatrist and I mean right away. Please do not make the child suffer any longer than he has to.

Goodluck

God Bless

by isabel927, Jun 23, 2004 12:00AM

Hi. Thanks for the support. My son used to see a psychiatrist, but as of a year and half ago, has refused to go. He is very angry and a big kid and hard to make do anything. I believe that he is suffering and am very worried.

by sadmom, Jul 05, 2004 12:00AM

MAKE HIM GO!!  I was a teenager who suffered through clinical depression and bi-polar while my parents wrote it off as "just being a teenager and a little sad."  I was just like what you wrote about your son.  At age 17 my brother walked in my room as I was trying to kill myself.  I was then admitted to a hospital.  I HATED my parents.

Now, at 33, I still have problems, but I am so thankful for the help my parents made me get.  If he won't see a therapist, admit him to a hospital.  He can't leave.  Of course he'll say he doesn't want to go, but it's up to you as the parent to make this decision.  He is only a child.  In fact, my parents had a bag packed in the car.  They said we were going out to eat and I had to go.  I drug myself to the car, figured it wouldn't last long.  Lasted 2 months though, but I'm alive now with a husband of 9 years and 2 kids. By the way, I have an 8 year old boy that has been diagnosed with everything, but nothing is helping him (which is how I ended up here, looking for help).  So, I'm on the other end now.  We're actually thinking about having him admitted to a hospital so that we can hopefully get a good diagnosis and behavioral plan.  But I'm torn because he's so young, even though I know first hand it can help.  Now I know why my parents took the easy way out and turned a blind-eye for so long.

Don't give up (I'm trying not to) and do what YOU know is going to help your son have a happy and successful future.  He doesn't have a clue right now what that may be.

Good luck!!

by SMSIRL, Jul 09, 2004 12:00AM

It's important not to jump to conclusions as to the nature of the problem here. Many of the symptoms are found in conditions other than those listed as being in the family. For example clothes compulsions may be true compulsions or they may be difficulty with tactile sensations [eg. people with certain developmental disorder hate seams on socks not because of some obssessive idea or other, or a compulsion to act, but because they hate the physical sensation etc.]. Knowing how to deal with a problem comes from an understanding of the nature of the problem - and each problem may flow not from an underlying condition but from an independent problem overlying a more pervassive condition. So it's important not only to know any underlying condition for which there maybe specific treatments, but also to have expert advice on interventions to deal with the more diverse behavioural problems. I think it's important therefore not only to have a psychiatric consult but also a psychological consult with a specialist in child psychology.

by susi123, Jul 31, 2004 12:00AM

Hi, i think that you should either get someone proffesional to help you, or this: ok...this is how it works some kids(with problems) learn and act by what they see, im not saying thats what he sees at home or anything but i looked in the internet and they have this thing that is for your problem. It works like this: you need to do projects for him for example get your time and not treat him like a little kid because he has 13 years old, in other words he's old enough, but you need to dedicate time for him and do projects(for example:works about art, sports, something that he really likes...) and dont try to make him go to school because 1st of all he wont like you, 2nd he has 13 years old and i think he knows whats school for. You could also help him by instead of going to school and learning in school, by you homeschooling him, that way he mite fell more contrable, he mite also get better and come back where his life started, if you need help i love doing projects and stuff like this you could just send me an email, and i would help you!!!

Good Luck and i hope i helped you!!!

by dixiecup, Aug 15, 2004 12:00AM

To me, it sounds like Tourette's/OCD. I have had very similar symptoms most of my life. I had eye tics, stretching neck and sniffing. Ask him if his mind races. That one symptom causes misery. I started antidepressants when I was about 40, and that was the only time my mind stopped racing. It is quite possible that some of those relatives were misdiagnosed, especially if they didn't have tics. The Tourette/OCD gene causes many different symptoms. I have one aunt that is overly religious and stingy, one aunt that is a compulsive housekeeper, an uncle that couldn't throw anything away. Others are just "nervous." As for myself, I have closets full of clothes, but wear the same ones over and over. I only feel comfortable in cotton clothes and cannot wear anything frilly at all.The clothes have to "feel" right for me to wear them. The tag in the back of my clothes drives me crazy. I just started taking Strattera, and it seems to be working. It is advertised as a non-stimulant for ADHD. It will be used for anxiety and depression, Tourette's and OCD before long (my opinion).

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