Health Chats
Normal vs. Abnormal Child and Adolescent Behavior?
Thursday Apr 02, 2009, 03:00PM - 04:00PM (EST)
Do you have children or teenagers that are acting up or acting out? Behavioral problems in childhood and adolescence are very common and in many cases part of normal development as children learn to test their boundaries and to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. We've all heard about the Terrible Two's and teenage rebellion. But sometimes behavioral problems can be symptomatic of an emotional disturbance or disorder.<br><br>
If you have questions about a child who is overly shy or aggressive; who swears, lies, steals, or fights; who has separation anxiety; who throws temper tantrums; or who is violent towards themselves, other people, or animals, get answers to your questions in this hour long chat. Join Dr. Kevin Kennedy of Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates to learn how to tell the difference between normal and excessive behavioral issues and how to deal with behavior problems through systematic behavior management plans.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
AS a parent, of course, you hope your children will talk about the more benign things, but it's a less than perfect world. All you can do is establish sound norms and values at home and encourage altruistic, positive behavior in your children.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Monitor their friendships and be on the lookout for malevolent influences, trying to steer (as much as a person can) your children toward children who behave responsibly.
goatgirl:
Hi Dr. Kennedy. I have 2 boys, ages 3 and 5 years and have a question about each. My 5 year old is a very sensitive, thoughtful, caring and shy child, while my 3 year old is very extroverted. Because of my 3 year old's outgoing personality, people in general are more apt to notice him and/or give him things (i.e. free cookies at the grocery, stickers at the library, etc.). This is not something he does on purpose to upset his 5 year old brother, but I can see it does upset my 5 year old very much. How can I help my 5 year old not to get so jealous, hurt, and upset?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
You likely cannot do too much about the response per se, but what you can do is empathize with him and ask him about his response. What does he think about what happened. What is it like for him. If you read the book How To Talk So Kids Will Listn.... you'll find some useful guidance about how to address situations such as this.
cadeneal:
If a parent suffers from a disorder (ADD, suicidal tendencies, extreme impulsiveness etc. ), what is the likelihood that their child will have similar problems?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Some emotional or neurointegrative conditions are biologically based. Examples are ADHD, anxiety, mood disorders (depression and bipolar disorder).
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Children of parents who have such conditions are at risk to develop them, though by no means is it absolute that the children will develop them.
ChitChatNine:
I have 4 children, ages 18, 16, 11 and 10 .......... the 10 & 11 year old's are very jealous of all the college talk now that my oldest just got word she's been accepted to her favorite college! We've tried to find special things to focus on with them which is something of "their own" & paying special attention to them, but they still are jealous of the college- focused attention and ** maybe ** scared of changes come the Fall in the family unit?? But their older sister will be commuting to college & living at home, so I'm not sure why they get so jealous ?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
By nature children all long for their parents' attention, and it is not unusual for children to be a little insecure when attention is revolving around one or the other of their siblings.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
In addition, it can be worrisome for younger children to anticipate the departure of their sibling. It sounds like you are sensitive to this and that you are handling it fine.
SFmonsterdark:
What is your opinion regarding strong willed children? What's the best way to display authority without giving the message that strong will is a bad thing. My 4 & 1/2 year old displays an extremely strong conviction, when it comes to getting something she wants. She never takes no for a first answer from her mother and I..... I feel this trait will be a great asset throughout life, but at times it seems like everything we ask her to do can be a battle.
MedHelp:
We have about 15 minutes remaining in the chat. Last chance to get your questions in!
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Strong willed children are among the most difficult to parent because they challenge so much. If you take a look at Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child, you will see a useful description of such children (along with other 'types') and how to approach them. On a positive note, they tend to be high achievers.
eve88:
I have a precious 4 year old grandson. My daughter just recently separated from his dad and is in the midst of divorce. A few months ago, my daughter decided to get him a hamster for his birthday. He has always loved animals. A few days later he killed the hamster. My daughter was very upset and had him help her bury him and explained that animals have feelings too and to never hurt an animal again. A week later a co-worker had a hamster that she needed to give away and my daughter decided that she'd try one more time to have an animal. The cage was put up high and this time supervised until again one day my daughter told him to put the hamster back into his cage. She was out of the room for a minute and when she came back in he killed this hamster too. Last weekend my grandson was watching me give my 8 month old granddaughter a bath and said "I can't hurt her, can I grandma?" Then later he whispered in my ear "I can't kill her, can I grandma?" I'm afraid for him . Your advic
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Hindsight is 20/20, but he is too young for such a pet. Try to reassure him, let him talk about what happened. He will be OK, but please do not introduce any more pets for now.
Kat_624:
My almost 4 year old daughter has recently started to have some separation anxiety when I drop her off at preschool (same daycare/preschool she has attended since 3 months old). It's taken us all by surprise because she is normally a very well adjusted kid. I think it started to happen after she was home 1 day (a little sick) with just me. She has 2 younger siblings, so I think she enjoyed the one on one time. Any suggestions on how to get her through this? It breaks my heart to see her in tears, even though I know it lasts less than a minute after I leave her.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Stick to the usual routine and make sure she attends each day. She will revert to baseline after a while as long as you don't accommodate her wish to be with you.
goatgirl:
My second question is about my 3 yr. old son and potty training. I was hoping the second child would be easier to train than the first, but so far this is not the case. My 3 yr. old can tell us when he needs his diaper changed, but currently has no interest at all in using the potty. He has even mentioned that he is scared of the potty. How can we help him to not be afraid of the potty? We have tried making it fun with books (to read while waiting), Pez candy (as a bribe for after he goes), and cheerios (as a target in the potty), but so far no luck. Should we keep trying to get him to use the potty or just wait until he decides he is ready? Thank you for your help.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Be patient and supportive, not applying pressure. Even reward systems can have pressure involved. It sounds like your instincts are fine, but perhaps you should adopt a bit more of the relaxed approach. He'll get it done in time.
Shannon5252:
We adopted a little 8 year old girl from foster care, and we have two sons (18 years old & 13 years old). The 13 year son is having a lot of adjustments to the adoption. It now has been almost 2 years and he still displays jealousy, thinking we treat her better than him. Another issue is the 10 year old girl is taller and weighs more than the 13 year son. What is the best approach to build a loving family with these two siblings?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Try to be very empathetic with your son. This can be a very difficult change in a family. As long as he is treating his sister well, the jealousy is OK and understandable.
ForgotRomans828:
Is there anything I can do to help my adolescent daughter feel more in control of her life while she is going through this difficult stage of her frontal cortex developing?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
It never hurts to ask our teens how we can be useful. Sometimes they will tell us very useful ways we can assist them, particulalrly when the impetus comes from them and not forced by us.
auntiejessi:
What are your thoughts on time outs? Is the general rule of a minute per year of age appropriate?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
I think the time out method is the foundation of a sound behavior management system. It is an effective tactic and can be employed to manage most childhood behaviors. And yes, the general formula of a minute per year is useful.
awilde:
What types of treatment do you suggest for an 8 year old with encopresis (of the completely voluntary type)? The behavior has been going on for 2 years and I cannot seem to get the point across to my stepson's mother that it IS a big deal.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
I really don't endorse the notion that encopresis is voluntary in the sense that children do it deliberately. If that is the case, it is a sign of emotional disturbance. Most of the time encopresis is a medical issue, and it always makes sense to strat with a medical evaluation (in particular to rule out impacted bowels).
mamafg:
I have a 7 year old. At school he seeks constant attention from his teacher, so much that he's disruptive to the other students. He's not seeking it in a bad way, but needs a constant reassurance from her that he's doing ok with his work. He gets plenty of attention at home, between myself, my boyfriend and his grandparents, so I don't feel he's lacking in that area. His teacher feels it may be the result of ADD or ADHD. Does this sound like a symptom of either of those?
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
NO, to be frank it does not make me think of ADHD. He may have some generalized anxiety. I'd try an incentive approach to se eif he can be a bit more independent.
hanaguchi:
The current approach to bringing up children seems to frown upon hitting (a slap on the bottom) children. However, my experience is that a few slaps while they are young saves you a lot of trauma later on. My friends spend a lot of time trying to explain things to their children but the children seem to think that listening to their parents is optional. What is your approach to discipline? Thanks,.
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.:
Again I lost a question, but it addressed physical discipline and what I think about it. Physical discipline really is not necessary. As parents we can be authoritative and decisive without resorting to physical discipline. I fully endorse the approach detailed in SOS Help for Parents. It is reasonable and quite effective.
eve88:
Doctor, you talked about the 20/20 hindsight and I appreciate that. There will be no more animals right now. But the remark about the baby was frightening. Do you think he needs help or that this will pass?
