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BLADDER BABBLE - PART QUATRO
This is the next installment of my saga through Incontinence Physical Therapy. As you might remember we started with a discussion of the way our nerves are supposed to function to keep us from "losin' it" at the wrong time and the role of nutshells in staying continent. The second installment chronicled the fabled visit to the magical Continence Fairy and the lessons I reluctanctly learned about my role in my Urge Incontinence. That was the beginning of my renewed mastery over a stubborn and wiley bladder. The third chapter described how the Continence Fairy, Ann, exmained me and found that the muscles of my undercarriage were weak and barely able to keep my stuff from falling out. I have been dutifully exercising and trying to strengthen my pelvic floor.
My incontinence is now only when I have slept or ignored it so long that I am clearly overfull and unable to tighten the pelvic floor muscles enough to prevent the overflow. This is truly progress.
Last week Continence Therapy went high tech. I was introduced to biofeedback. This is where they use the magic that is the computer and a couple electrodes to show me indisputable proof of my lack of urinary prowess.
Now, getting a couple electrodes on each side of the undercarriage was not problem. It was kind of cool to see my efforts at squeezing - while cracking imaginary nutshells - displayed on the computer screen. I'd squeeze and the graph would show a neon green blip that was supposed to get wider and wider as I held the squeeze. Not to be, the peak dropped down, the muscle effort died out even though I thought I was showing masterful strength. Ann was clearly disappointed, but kept a brave and encouraging face.
Ann told me that the next program would have sound effects like the engine of a race car. Well, I am all for video games, but the image of me lying there rev'ing up a NASCAR engine with the force of my nether regions was more than I could handle. It was hard not to giggle, and giggling made the blips get all out of control. Not only this, but "inner voice" was totally turned on! "More" she yelled, "NASCAR Mama! You can do it! Come on! Where's that Hooha power when we need it? We'll never be ready for the "500."
We finished the session with instructions to do my exercises at home, but the little voice had taken off - with dreams of great glory. I find now that she is already in discussions with Nintendo for the next great product advancement:
The Wii Wii Master!!!
I cannot not get her mind off of this as she is now planning global, internet competitions of undercarriage strength.
At the moment I'm humoring her, knowing that she has the attention span of a gnat and something else will come along soon. But, maybe she has something here. Maybe the Wii Wii Master could be the next step in self improvement. A final step in the liberation of a woman's modesty and the ultimate solution to "Losin' It."