I'm sorry baby..

I'm writing this as I'm having cramps. I'm 19, I'm supposed to enjoy my life. I'm young and has all the time in the world, but I'm stuck in a hole that is my bedroom. I might be having an early miscarriage 7 weeks. When I first thought I was pregnant I researched on how to abort it naturally.  But then as time passed I wanted to keep it. The father said that we should keep it (he's not even my boyfriend) :(( Then I'm spotting 2 days ago and it got heavier today. Blob and clots came out of me and I couldn't just flush it on the toilet so I scoop it out rinse it off and found out it was soft and tender and I just started crying. I don't even know what it is, if it's blood clot.  a tissue, or my baby. I just can't throw it away. I kept it on a case. I'm afraid to pee because I'm afraid my baby would fall. :( though I know it's probably too late now. I'm just so sorry that I even think of aborting my baby. Maybe it IS my fault this is happening. I mean I really did tried to abort him/her naturally. I ate food not allowed for pregnant women, I workout HEAVILY, i don't know if it's real but I ate unripe papaya. Then just when I'm accepting it this happened. I'm really sorry baby, I wasn't strong enough. I don't know where exactly to vent my anger. I don't even know why I'm angry. I'm just hurting so much that the tears won't stop falling. My parents don't even know what's happening. I don't have anyone to turn to. I don't know how to pray. I don't know anything anymore. I just want it all to go away. I just want to release everything. :( I may have been a very bad girl that's why this is happening. I'm so scared but now I'm just so tired...and in a lot of pain. :(