butterflybabies's Profile
Just upset!
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Jul 03, 2009 - 6 comments
So I need another vent! My DH is home due to having the stomach flu (he works 2nd shift) I am usually alone at night, which is nice cause I get stuff done around the house and since this loss I've been having time for myself to grieve..And while he knows I am sad I havent really shared with him how I feel since this all happend. So last night while I was online chatting with a friend , my friend asked me if I was sad for MJ..and I said no not really..then I said to my hubby I am more sad that my baby is dead then MJ..(took him about 10 min to get up come over by me and say no our baby and give me a kiss) and Ive been having cramps and he asked me if I was still having them and I said yes but my heartache hurts more..and he looked at me a little surprised.
.I said to him are you surprised I said that..and he said yes..I understand that its easier for him cause he wasnt really attached , I dont think the reality of a baby had sunk in yet..(he was super happy about the baby) ..even he said Its different for him..the baby was inside of me and he knows I was attached to it already...but he said to me there was nothing we could do about it..which i know that..I guess Im just upset because he isnt as upset and that he doesnt really ask me how I am feeling emotionally..only physically...and its hard to talk about it cause I just end up crying..(he did tell me its not good to keep it bottled up) but I would like it if he just asked me about how im feeling emotionally.
.I told him I dont really tell him willingly cause I feel like he would think it was stupid..which he said he didnt think that..IDK maybe im still hormonal! And everyone says dont worry you guys can try again..(he says that to) but thats not the point!! I guess I dont want to stress him out either (with his company doing layoffs) he has enough to worry about..IDK..am I being stupid? Am I expecting to much? Ugh I just feel like screaming sometimes...!!! Dont get me wrong..My DH is the best person in the world and I am so lucky to have him! He has helped me alot physically...but IDK maybe he doesnt know how to emotionally..We have been thru alot on this ttc journey and he has helped me thru my tears...maybe its me ,,maybe im not opening up to much either..I dont want to keep crying and being sad so thats probaby why Im not talking to him about it..Im just confused and frustrated and upset! I just wanted to get this off my chest!
Also one of our friends is having a bday party for their 1 yr old..and none of the friends that are going to be there know about the pregnancy or ectopic..DH says its up to me if we go..which I do want to go , to get out of the house and be around friends..but at the same time its gonna be so hard cause of all the kids there...Also I dont know if I want to say anything to anyone, I dont know how long I will last without cracking. And if we dont go and they ask me later why we didnt, I dont want to lie because that would make me feel like this baby was a bad thing..did that make sense? IDK...do I go and if someone asks something than say something..and go and then leave when it gets to be to much..IDK..
Hugs,
Lily
.I said to him are you surprised I said that..and he said yes..I understand that its easier for him cause he wasnt really attached , I dont think the reality of a baby had sunk in yet..(he was super happy about the baby) ..even he said Its different for him..the baby was inside of me and he knows I was attached to it already...but he said to me there was nothing we could do about it..which i know that..I guess Im just upset because he isnt as upset and that he doesnt really ask me how I am feeling emotionally..only physically...and its hard to talk about it cause I just end up crying..(he did tell me its not good to keep it bottled up) but I would like it if he just asked me about how im feeling emotionally.
.I told him I dont really tell him willingly cause I feel like he would think it was stupid..which he said he didnt think that..IDK maybe im still hormonal! And everyone says dont worry you guys can try again..(he says that to) but thats not the point!! I guess I dont want to stress him out either (with his company doing layoffs) he has enough to worry about..IDK..am I being stupid? Am I expecting to much? Ugh I just feel like screaming sometimes...!!! Dont get me wrong..My DH is the best person in the world and I am so lucky to have him! He has helped me alot physically...but IDK maybe he doesnt know how to emotionally..We have been thru alot on this ttc journey and he has helped me thru my tears...maybe its me ,,maybe im not opening up to much either..I dont want to keep crying and being sad so thats probaby why Im not talking to him about it..Im just confused and frustrated and upset! I just wanted to get this off my chest!
Also one of our friends is having a bday party for their 1 yr old..and none of the friends that are going to be there know about the pregnancy or ectopic..DH says its up to me if we go..which I do want to go , to get out of the house and be around friends..but at the same time its gonna be so hard cause of all the kids there...Also I dont know if I want to say anything to anyone, I dont know how long I will last without cracking. And if we dont go and they ask me later why we didnt, I dont want to lie because that would make me feel like this baby was a bad thing..did that make sense? IDK...do I go and if someone asks something than say something..and go and then leave when it gets to be to much..IDK..
Hugs,
Lily
