By Brittany Doohan
Facebook has been the king of social media since it launched in 2004. It’s part of daily life for 71% of Internet users, with more than two-thirds engaging with the social network at least once a day, and 45% logging in several times. Nearly one billion daily active users spend an average of 40 minutes a day posting photos of their trips abroad, checking in to the gym, or “liking” their friends’ “selfies.” Seems harmless, right? Maybe not.
As our love for Facebook grows, so does our obsession with it — and quite possibly an unhealthy one at that. “Facebook has provided people with a lot of experiences and connections that we couldn’t have without it, but there are a lot of problems as well,” said Elana Premack Sandler, LCSW, MPH, who studies the connection between social environments and health.
What seems like a benign way to pass the time and connect with loved ones may actually have serious effects on your mental health. The good news is that you can have a healthy relationship with social media, if you break away from time to time.
Here’s how Facebook may be messing with your mind — and what you can do to get your sanity back.
You post perfect “selfies” that highlight your face at all the right angles. Your Facebook statuses and comments are perfectly timed and impossibly witty. “Social media gives you an incredible opportunity to customize your own identity,” says Liraz Margalit, PhD, a web psychologist who analyzes online consumer behavior.
This attempt to influence others’ perception of your image by controlling what you post is called “impression management.” It’s the root of social media’s success, because posting interesting things gets you more likes and comments, which makes you feel good, so you post more. But following this pattern may actually change the way you see yourself.
“You can fall in love with your virtual persona,” says Margalit. And the more reward you get from what you post, the more you want to sell that persona to others. “I know people who only travel or go to events to post about it on Facebook,” says Margalit. Those little boosts of confidence can lead you to unconsciously live your life for “likes,” and lose touch with who you really are.
And, of course, the problem with this idealized version of yourself is that it’s not really you. “If you feel like you’re too absorbed in this online identity, then it may be a sign to step away and focus a bit more on your in-person relationships,” says Sandler. “Even if you want to maintain this one-sided identity, make sure that there’s a balance.”
Facebook is like going to your high school reunion every day instead of every decade, Sandler says. Constantly hearing about your classmates' successes and how you measure up can wear down your self-esteem, if you don’t have the mental tools to cope.
And you don’t just compare careers or trips taken, you examine the attention you get on Facebook, too. People with low self-esteem are significantly affected by how many “likes” or comments they get, says Margalit. That’s because they build their perceptions of themselves on how they compare to others and what others say about their choices. If they’re insecure to boot, these comparisons and comments can make them feel depressed, Margalit says. In fact, one 2012 study found that people who use Facebook often think that others have happier lives than their own, leading them to feel that life is less fair.
If you browse your newsfeed and feel like your confidence is getting jabbed on the regular, remember that these posts are the highlight reel of your friends’ lives, not the whole movie. Real life isn’t captured on Facebook — there’s a lot that isn’t said, Sandler says. “Everybody’s life is nuanced and imperfect.”
However, if these comparisons truly affect how you feel about your own life, it may be time to take a break from social media, and even consider therapy, says Margalit. “You have to feel good about yourself regardless of how other people comment,” she says.
Facebook has never been more accessible. Any time you need a fix, your phone is waiting in your pocket or purse, ready for you to click. “People can check every minute if they get a ‘like’ or a message,” says Margalit. “If they get a certain amount of ‘likes’ they feel good about themselves. If they don’t, they feel depressed. They become so obsessed with it that it becomes an addiction.”
According to a Chicago University study, checking Facebook and Twitter fell right below sex and sleep when it came to impossible-to-resist urges. What’s even more interesting: the desire to check social media was higher than the desire to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.
When it comes to your mental health, it’s about finding out whether social media benefits you or not, Sandler says. How do you know where you stand? “It requires a certain amount of self-awareness,” she says. “Think about how frequently you’re posting on Facebook and be aware of what’s coming up emotionally for you.”
When you post something, do you feel a pull to check back 10 times in the next hour? If that’s the case, or you feel like the time you’re spending on Facebook is out of proportion to the time you’re spending doing other things, or it’s impacting your personal relationships or work, then it’s verging on the negative, says Sandler.
When you talk to someone face-to-face, your brain is continuously processing wordless signals like facial expression, tone of voice, gestures, body language, eye contact and even physical distance. “Non-verbal signals are the heart and soul of communication,” says Margalit. “Without the opportunity to interpret these signals, we can’t understand the true meaning of the interaction.”
When you’re chatting on Facebook Messenger or commenting on a friend’s funny status, your brain employs minimal social cues, usually expressed through emoticons and excessive punctuation. “You get lazy,” says Margalit. “We have a human tendency to use as little cognitive resources as we can. When we interact with social media, we don’t need to use these resources.” If people don’t interact face-to-face, they can actually lose the ability to communicate in person, and not get along as well socially as those who do have that skill, she says.
How can you make sure your social interaction game is strong? It depends on your age: when it comes to kids, limit the time they spend on the tablet and encourage them to have a friend over, play outside and experience the world, Margalit says. For adults, it’s all about awareness, she says. “I put my smartphone away for 1 to 3 hours a day. Finding a balance between the time offline and online is important to living a healthy, satisfying life,” she says.
Published September 10, 2015.
Brittany Doohan is a health and lifestyle writer and editor living in San Francisco.
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