sunsetbeachwalker's Profile
Mood:
sunsetbeachwalker is
better today
About Me:
Female, 57, Haleiwa - HI, member since Mar 2008
DOA - February 16, 2002 Passenger in a high-speed rollover on the I10. Thrown through a window, body a mangled mess as my head hit the asphalt, breaking every bone in my face, pulverizing the right side completely. Breaking my back in numerous places. Thoracic 3, 5 & 7...
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burst fractures.
ND OBE's were wonderful. I now look forward to 'death' or another dimension.
Drs told my family to prepare for the fact that either I'd die, be brain-dead, and/or paralyzed. It took 10 days before I'd quit dying so I was stable enough to go through back surgery. Was on a respirator. Then I of course got pneumonia, and had a most excruciating experience of a shunt in my rib cage/lung. Because of that, they postponed my facial reconstruction til almost a month after the accident. This led to a difficult mess of a face that was never corrected as it should have been.
Couldn't talk (trach) see (crushed eye socket) or hear (swollen head) or move (pharmaceutically paralyzed) for 2 weeks. After the surgery I remained in intensive care unable to move. I was almost hysterical being trapped in my useless pain-wracked body, (thank goodness for morphine - although it was never enough!) almost wished myself dead, but my family was there - they saved me with their love.
I basically had one thought - when I finally could think - and that was, "This situation is totally unacceptable!" As a photojournalist, I had stories that needed to get written!
Had a trach, so couldn't talk. My body was completely bruised and broken. I was a mess. Every single bone in my face was fractured. The entire right side was pulverized including my eye, nose and jaw. The doctor that eventually operated on my face the first time, came in after the surgery to tell me how impressed he was - he'd never seen every single bone in someone's face broken, only my skin, though ripped up, held my face somewhat together.
My eye socket was rebuilt with titanium mesh, but all the bone on the right side had been turned to dust, and was just removed. The entire right side was pushed in, crushed. It was never pulled back into place. My jaw was wired shut for 3 months, and not the way it used to be. Today I still can't open my jaw. Chewing anything is very painful. My eye socket was reconstructed a second time a year later, using bone from my skull leaving a huge gash in my head. My face has been flipped off twice, cutting me ear to ear over my skull. A doctor finally put some 'cement' in the huge gap a few surgery's ago - a very difficult-to-recover-from-surgery. I had a great loss of hair both from surgery's and from trauma. When my head hit the asphalt, quite a bit of skin and hair was left on the road. I'm still growing my hair out to a decent length.
I want to talk about tracheotomy's - total nightmare. I hope I never ever have to have one again. Those who've had one know how very very awful having the suctioning done is. If it's not done, you die cause you can't breathe. Once I was 'forgotten' and almost suffocated to death. That trauma along with being on a respirator has left me with ARDS - acute respiratory disfunction syndrome.
Six long and very difficult years later, physically and emotionally, and almost 20 facial reconstruction surgeries later, I'm as ok as I'm going to get. I look better after all those surgery's, but to me I look horrendous, which of course has left a deep emotional scar. I hardly went anywhere until the latest surgery's (last one in August 07), and never am seen without sunglasses to hide my face somewhat. Also my eyelid which was ripped almost off and sewn back on, doesn't close which is very bad for my eye of course. When it's windy I must wear a patch, at night I must wear a mask to hold the lid down. I'm still hoping my eye area can be fixed, but doctors are afraid to touch my face saying it might collapse since it's now all metal and plastic parts, and I've had just too many surgery's on that area.
My back is always in pain. T 3, 5 & 7 burst fractures. Entire thoracic spine fused, Harrington rods from my neck (C6) to my waist. Can't bend my neck, can't sit for long.
Because of the fusion and rods bolted onto my ribs, when my back hurts alot, the pain wraps around to my chest. All I can do is lay down.
I can only sit in a recliner. My pain is mostly searing red-hot, and feels like I have steel rods in my back - which I do. I can't tolerate temps below 75 - my back goes into spasm, and my body turns to stone - I can't move my upper body at all. I often have severe pain between my shoulder blades.
I used to hike, camp, and go on adventures. I was a photojournalist. Life as I knew it ended that February day. I was bedridden for most of a year unless I wore a 'turtle-shell' which was better than laying around all the time. I was dependent on my mother and my daughter. Unacceptable.
I don't do drugs because I researched them, and my opinion of them was confirmed. They do more harm than good in the long run. While in the hospital, though, I was very anxious and thankful for that next dose of morphine, which never came soon enough.
I find the only way to conquer pain is to occupy myself as deeply as possible with other things - then when my body can't take it any more, I just collapse. Sometimes I think I'll pass out from the pain, but so far I haven't - I'll lay down anywhere when I have to.
I'm very happy I can walk, but I can't carry anything on my shoulders, not even a small bag. I've therefore created other ways to cart my photo gear around - wheels. I try to be creative so I can do some of what I used to do.
As all of us who have been jolted rudely by a traumatic accident, have had our lives 'taken' from us, we now look at life in 2 very separate categories; Before the Accident and After the Accident. We have sadness though we get on with life as best as we can, and put on a happy face for others. After all, every human has their own story, their own problems, and everyone's problems are just as difficult for them as mine are for me.
I have more compassion for others who have suffered injuries, and I have a deeper appreciation for EMT's, doctors, nurses, and all caretakers.
I have 13 Blogs (the Virgo-me likes to keep things organized) and a website. They might have info to help you. I do what I can as a researcher/photojournalist to help others get information that is enlightening - educational or fun. I hope you'll check out my Blogs, and that they'll bring you a smile.
Life is what it is, we're all human beings just being human.
<a href="http://photosofaloha.blogspot.com/"><i><B>Visit My Blogs for Articles and Adventures</i></B></a>
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Interests:
journalism, health activist, environmental activist, truthseeker, broken back, facial reconstruction, social justice, alternative energy, education, healthcare, Photography...
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, Organic Food
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