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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Agressive and Explosive Behavior in 17mo old girl
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Agressive and Explosive Behavior in 17mo old girl
by firsttimemom, Oct 11, 2002 12:00AM
My daughter has recently begun exhibiting very agressive and explosive behavior that differs significantly from the behavior of other little girls her age that we know. She has always been easily frustrated and very determined from day one, but the behavior changes have been so shocking I am becoming concerned. She hits (herself and us), throws toys, kicks her feet and sobs uncontrollably when she gets frustrated or angry. She seems to have a complete and frantic meltdown and the behavior is escalating. She used to love her playgroup and her Gymboree class but now she is so agressive with the other children I am concerned about putting her in that situation. I am a stay at home mom and her father works from home so we feel she gets plenty of attention. We have consistently employed timeouts (which worked for a while, but no longer) and have never spanked although we are wondering if that is what we need to start considering. I am really becoming frightened and concerned that there is something more serious going on. How can I find out what is going on and where should I look for help?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Oct 11, 2002 12:00AM
, Oct 11, 2002 12:00AM
First of all, don't stop utilizing time out, even if it does not seem to be containing the current behavior. It remains a sensible intervention and it is important to manage the behavior, even as you attempt to understand why it might be occurring. Toddlers' capacity to tolerate and manage frustration is not well developed; they readily become flooded with anger that they haven't yet learned to control. It's a matter of learning as they develop. Be sure to have her checked medically, to be sure there is no viral or other illness occurring that can be fueling this behavior. Expose her to her usual situations, but remove her in the face of any demonstration of aggression, and be sure to let her know that this will occur. In general, children who are strong willed as a baseline, and who have more intense reactions to frustration, tend to have more volatile times as they approach the age of two and through their third year. It is generally a matter of temperament and constitution, not usually an indication of a brewing emotional or mental disorder. My guess is that you'll be on solid ground if you stick to your guns around the limit setting, and don't resort to spanking - it's not likely to yield much by way of benefit, particularly for a strong willed child.
Which is fine when you're talking about handing the kid a cup of juice, not so good when you're talking being able to climb to the top of the jungle gym when the bars are spaced for an older child. Failure meant rage. My son is different - both were raised much the same way, but failure to my son means soul-crushing laments and lots of hugs. Eowyn just gets MAD.
People tend to misinterpret this sort of reaction as "spoilt" - when in fact it's just that the kid has higher standards for themselves than they can possibly reach. I'd counsel you to keep taking your daughter to the playgroup, and keep hauling her out the moment she starts to cause a scene. It's the only way to teach her not to cause a scene.
Know two things though: in one sense of "the long run" your child will probably have notes sent home like mine did "Eowyn gets easily frustrated and gives up on her schoolwork. She seems to have self-esteem issues" which you will have to reply to with "Eowyn's problem is that she has too few self-esteem issues. She thinks if she sets out to draw a bus it should look exactly like a bus and gets upset when it doesn't. As you are a new influence on her life it is important to her to impress you with her bus-drawing skills. Please inform her that you find her bus-drawing skills pithy and insightful and she will start to relax her standards with you, secure in the knowledge you know she is a super-keen kid." In another sense of the "long run", a strong character and high standards will help her go far in life.
Remember that and smile the next time she is throwing herself and her toys against her bedroom door in a rage because Gymboree went poorly.