About Me: Female, 18, Des Moines, IA, member since Aug 2009
Hmmm something about me...*thinks for a second* most of my interests are Anime/Manga but mostly Anime ^_^, but I love to read manga. I love any type of books really even non-fiction but I HATE READING ABOUT PRARIES *screams* and that's the only thing I can't stnad to re
[More]ad, except sports. I like music, reading, writing(even though I'm bad at it), role playing, day dreaming, sleeping, and cats. I hate OCs(a fan fiction term), Jocks(because most of them are mean and full of themselves), intollerant people, and unorganized stuff. My favorite band is Mindless Self Indulgence, but my favorite song is by 3OH3. My favorite Manga/Anime of all time is Death Note. Ummm I guess I'm depressed. But I only get really depressed around 1 am. I suddenely feel like I'm the most worthless person ever to live(I think this most of the time, but usually when I think of this at that time I feel like I should just die) and that I should try and kill myself. Usually I don't kill myself(that sounded extremley stupid....ummm I usually don't go through with it...yeah I like that wording better) instead I claw at my legs and (recently) my arms until they bleed. But now I started to cut now, but I'm not sure that helps me. It makes me feel worse than after clawing. I feel extremley happy like I could run a marathon and I feel like I could sing show tunes. But about an hours later I feel dead inside. *thinks* okay....something else.....Oh!....I have two people who live in my head. Their names are Maiya and Artemis(not the god). Maiya says Hi!. *thinks* I feel like I don't exist. I'm just a hollow shell of nothing ^_^ . Okay back to interest and about me. I love to read fan ficition. Escpecially humor :) . Those always make me happy, like yesterday I read this one that was a naruto fic about the guide lines of joining the akatsuki. If your ever looking for something funny to read, go to fanfiction.net and got to the naruto section. Choose the characters Madara and Pein and search until you find one about joining the akatsuki or something like that. It's way funny!!!!!!!!!!. Hmmmm what else..........I feel like I'm unloved(mostly because I know someone can never love me....except for Maiya and Artemis...they say they love me ^_^ ) and I feel like I should die, and I wish I could get help, but I think if I go to my mothr and ask to go to the doctor she'll just ignore me(mostly because after I started cutting and didn't hide it, she didn't even comment on them...sooo....yeah..). and I rarely go to the doctor unless I get REALLY sick and I insist that my mother take me. And i'm not going to the school counselor for help. She is CREEPY, and I wish to never speak to her. So I'm out of luck I guess ^_^ Umm I guess simple information now...I'm the second child of a used to be singe mother, but she got married about seven years ago. I have a older brother who's seven years older than me(you do the math). I have three best friends. When I grow up, I want to be either a psychologist or a Video Game Designer. I think I'm fat, ugly, stupid(even though I'm on the honor roll, but I think that's just because I'm good at memorizing things) and worthless. I have a Gaia account under Mizz-Anime-Girl, Feel free to add me. and...I think that's about it.
I don't know if you have access to a therapist, but having a trained professional listen to you and teach you healthy ways to cope is a great help. There might be free options in your community.
I understand that may not be choice (parents, money, etc.). If you can't talk to someone about it this site has some self-help for cutting.
I know it isn't much, but I hope it helps!
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