Try to overcome your reluctance to take meds that will in all probability make you feel well again. You may be able to get some talking therapy alongside meds ~ the ideal situation if you're unwell moodwise. There are millions of us on meds. I can't stay out of mental hospitals if I stop taking them, but I'm doing OK on them & so will continue. Should you decide to take them, remain on them for as long as recommended after you feel 100% again. As soon as I've taken AD's at start of treatment there's always been a 'dip' in condition. All the willpower I could muster didn't help, ever, against Anx/Dep. If your condition worsens get quick help, don't hesitate. You may have lost a lot, jobwise etc.but you still have more to be happy about than you now imagine. Believe you'll get well.