OMG you have two legitimate reasons for feeling the way you do. I too lost a child an hour after she was born in the hospital. Normal pregnancy, normal delivery, high apgar score, no reason this should have happened.I see all the suffering and heartache in the world and it makes me so angry. You do need something to give you some sleep which will give your brain a little off time. I stay pissed off all the time but there are so many reasons to stay pissed off as you your self have experienced. One of the worse thing someone said to me after my baby died was that it "was Gods wil", well to hell with his will I had rather have my child. I sorry you probably need more upbeat advice but I just want you to know you are not alone
Janet