About Me: Female, 26, Muskegon, MI, member since Jan 2010
I am (was) addicted to methadone. I took it to get off vicadin and it was cheaper. Big mistake! I have aplastic anemea which is a rare bone marrow diesese where my body doesn't produce enough blood and I've been in the hospital for weeks and weeks at a time since I was
[More] about 12, and I think that started the seduction of pain killers. I had morphine, demoral, very strong things and I simply had to push a button. I never swallowed a pill in my life before then. I remember practicing with m&ms broke in pieces and eventually got to whole ones. I had a small dose of cemo for two weeks and when I did go home I had a broviac coming out of my chest, my face and body blew up like a balloon from steroids; my friends from years of cheerleading and basketball and top of popularity shyed away from me. If I wasn't rushed to the hospital when I was, I could've and would've died within days. Now on top of that I cuurently have fibromyalgia and a microedenoma (small benign tumor) on my pituitary gland in my brain.I feel like I can't deal with everything that everyone expects because they -no my mom, acts like nothings wrong and I can do everything that she wants- for her...I've been married for 4 years this month- I was married at 18 while pregnant. I have two daughters 2, and 3 1/2. I used to ... well still do think I cant take care of them and clean the house and be a perfect little "housewife" without pills. I started with one methadone and couldn't feel it and then two at a time, 3, 4, 5, very quickly, then up to 8 sometimes 9 at a time depending on what I had to do that day. I don't work I sit at home with my girls all day every day! The only time I go out of the house is to go grocery shopping or to the doctor! It's awful, I've seculded myself and ignored any phonecalls or invitations from friends and family. I don't have a single person that I talk to outside of my husband and my mom. I sometimes feel like I can't go on but I'm right in a way I just cant go on being an addict. I think with some help I can do it at home. I need it to be that way- its been 6 days today without anything but ibprofin 800's n hot baths. The cravings are still there- I keep thinking I'll just tske some one day so I can clean the house since I havent moved from bed in a week and my girls have tore up the house. Is this as good as it gets?
Hey I was just reading ur post on here and it really sounds like ur goin through the same things as me right now...I really wanna get off these opiates really bad so i actually finally broke down and told my parents thinkin they were going to be really mad bout it but they took it very good and told me they were behind me 100%...the whole time i thought they were gonna disown me but they didnt..I think the first step to all of this is admitting it to people that u care about the most...But anyway i just thought id write and say hi and let u know ur not in this alone...i know it ***** but it can always get better if we want it bad enough...Good Luck Hope everything works out for u..ttyl..Pete
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