Anyway, I'm not gonna say, just shake yourself loose, because you can't do that, but what I am saying is trust that it will get better. I can't tell you when or if it will last but just as sure as the sun comes up every morning, you will find "0way%enthrough this crap! Even if you think you're gonna die, you have to fight! Just Don't Give Up!
I can relate to some of things you're going through. I used to hurt myself and I've got bi-polar and borderline personality disorder. I'm a Christian but my faith has definitely been tested far beyond what I think it should be. I think there's an afterlife, there's just got to be, but don't be in such a hurry to die. I know for a fact that you don't want to die, you just might there that's the only option for the pain to stop. When you're in a thick forest, you could only be a few hundred feet from the road but the trees are so thick that you can't see it. I can promise you that things WILL get better.
I'm having a battle with depression right now and I've had this blurred vision for 8 months now and it's really depressing me because no one can seem to find out what's wrong.