Just came across your post, and I totally feel for you. I've been constipated and really gassy this entire semester. Not as bad as what you described, and by the way, am I understanding you correctly when you say you've had NO bowel movements in two years or so? Not that I'm trying to undermine your situation, but that sounds impossible! Ridiculous, really. Have you gotten to a doctor yet, or made sure you're eating right?