As far as the surgery for your daughter should have input, you and your husband, get several opinions from several surgeons as I have and then go with your gut feelings on the subject. IT would be very tough to make the decesion. What is best for her and her recovery down the road.
As far as when to have the surgery I think that it is a tough call to make; as you say there could be complications; I think about this as well. For myself and my family I look at it this way. Here are my choices, I am now 50 years young - I can do nothing and slowly let it take over my life and health and do nothing. Second choice I can look into surgery when the time comes and the doc's say that things are right for the surgery and the best possible outcome from the surgery.
I think that will be the time for me, it is not all about me; I have to consider my wife and our two girls that are 19 and now almost 17 on the 24th of next month. What kind of dad can I still be for them if things go really bad after the surgery. Or how productive after the surgery.
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