About Me: Female, 42, Plainfield, IN, member since Jun 2013
I am a 41 yr. old mother of five children...four girls and one boy. I am currently married and been divorced twice. I am unemployed and on social security due to a long history of bipolar disorder, depression, and panic disorder along with mitral valve prolapse. Therefo
[More]re, I am a stay at home Mommy. I have battled with various addictions since I was 20 yrs old all starting out by prescription drugs prescribed to me legally of course. Over the past 21 yrs., my pill addictions have only gotten progressively worse with numerous attempts of my trying to quit but only failed. The depression and withdrawals were always too overwhelming both mentally and physically. And with five children, I had to keep functioning which was always impossible through withdrawals. I guess you might say...although I knew and know that I definitely have an extreme pill addiction, I was still what they call one of those "functioning mothers." However, in reality...I know that isn't logical thinking. To sum it up....my children our my entire world & they are definitely the only reason I am still breathing because many times I have felt so hopeless with my addiction that I would just rather not wake up or endure one more day of life. But then I think how devastating that would be to my kids so I keep hanging on. I just wonder what it would be like to actually be able to live my life "happy" without depending on a pill. Enough said....just empty, hopeless, & honestly scared that I don't have it "in me anymore" to get thru another day.
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