I'm here because I want to connect with and help people, whether they've been through the same things as I have, or things entirely unfamiliar to me.
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For a few years I suffered from severe depression that has been mostly dormant for the past few, though occasionally it will wake again and stay with me for a short time. On and off throughout the years I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks. I also suffered from extremely painful headaches for a few years that doctors could not diagnose, but they tried a bunch of different meds on me until they landed on Effexor XR, an antidepressant that apparently helps with headaches too. After taking it for a year or two, I tried to ween myself off of it (with the doc's directions, of course) because it made me feel like a total zombie, but the withdrawal effects were too strong. Later on I tried to quit again, and I succeeded, but for 2 weeks I laid in bed and thought I was dying. I later learned that Effexor withdrawals are worse than heroin withdrawals. My doc never warned any of us about the effects, and he prescribed it to me when I was 13, while it's intended only for adults 18+. Understandably this angered me quite a bit. In the following years I still had headaches, though their frequency and severity have decreased substantially. I was sexually abused by my brother for about 3 years, starting a year or two before the headaches, depression, and anxiety started to occur around age 13. Also around that age I developed this very mysterious pain across my lower back/hips and down my legs that no tests could pinpoint and no doctors could diagnose. I believe now that it's Pain Disorder, where the pain was brought on and is continued by anxiety, anger, and stress entrenched in my unconscious. Several months ago I saw a very good chiropractor who suggested this, and I knew he was right. He wanted me to see a psychologist who would treat me with hypnotherapy, but the drive and cost were too much. My parents have never believed me about any of the aforementioned issues, and their lack of faith and support in all areas of my life--as well as other things--have largely influenced the psychological problems I've had.
I'm doing immensely better in recent years, for which I can only thank God. Ever since finding him, I have healed and flourished in so many ways. I am continuing to seek wisdom and ask his help in relieving me of the anger, sorrow, anxiety, and blame I still harbor for the cruelties of my brother and parents in the past. I'm sure that until I can completely let go of these, the pain in my sciatic nerve will remain. I suppose it's a reminder for me to keep trying to love and forgive.
I love Psychology, Law, religion, Philosophy, poetry, English, music, art... I've been training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (and some Muay Thai) for over 3.5 years, and it's the only sport I've ever been really passionate about. I want a career that will allow me to make an impact on people in a positive, nurturing way. I might join the Peace Corps. I live to love.