Well, the Thanksgiving holidays are over with and I can actually say I enjoyed them for the first time in years. My former years have been filled with drama, family problems and a lot of deaths. Trying to put this all behind me has been rough. In my selfishness, I did not celebrate the holidays because they brought back too many memories for me. I did not think about the others around me who wanted to celebrate the holidays. My caregiver who is the only family I have left, has 'tolerated' my selfishness and complained very little with understanding but reminded me this year, that I have to remember to let go once in a while. I never saw this from his point of view but I was too self absorbed in my pain and creating my own drama.
Well that is behind me now and Thanksgiving was wonderful. Quiet, and sensible and with food that I have not eaten in a long time. Two days after Thanksgiving I took out the Christmas decorations and started decorating the house. I still have a lot to do but the start has really got me in the mood. I have shopping to do for my caregiver and he has already done his for me. Now all I have to do is to get him to wrap the presents and help me with the decorating. Now is the challenge. He thinks I let him off the hook by just pulling out the tree but this is going to be a good year, in spite of all the medical treatments I still have to undergo but that is not the thought at present.
My thoughts are on the present and to let go of the selfishness I had created and learn to share and be thankful for what I can share with others. To see a smile that maybe I can create for someone who has done SO MUCH for me.
It may be hard to remember what it is that I am supposed to do for these holidays but I am sure I can find a way to remember. This year I hope to focus on doing something for someone else and be thankful for what has been done for me.
Thank you for the kind thoughts. It has been a rough couple of years but hopefully I can move forward and start sharing the good side of my life instead of what was behind me. This year feels pretty good so far. Beginning to see what I have missed out on all these years.
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