11 year old with adhd

[echelon]

My 11 year old is currently being reassessed by the local health authority for his adhd. I have had problems with him since he was about 3 years old. Just over two years ago I took him to a leading private clinic and they conducted a thorough assessment on him and concluded that he does have adhd, but due to his high IQ is not experiencing problems in school as he is intelligent enough to cope for reasonable periods.

His behaviour at home is quite poor in spite of consistent parenting strategies. I also believe that he has oppositional defiant disorder as his main characteristic is arguing and tormenting us. My husband has lost his job through the stress of caring for him and we don't go out much as it causes too many problems.

I cannot afford to return to the private clinic for a follow up appointment, so my son is now under the care of CAMHS. The problem is that they only seem to be taking any notice of what his behaviour is like in school. When he first started school things were so bad that they had to get an educational psychologist in and a support worker to help him and give advice on how to handle him. We have had no such help. CAMHS are now saying that they will not medicate him due to the fact that he's coping at school no matter how bad things are at home.

I am so frustrated! Why is it that they are not recognising how difficult things are for us at home? He is only at school for a few hours a day and loves learning and his teachers.

We have had eight years of hell, so how are we going to cope when he gets to his teenage years? I don't believe in medicating children for no good reason, but we are struggling.

What should I do? Is it reasonable to expect my son to have the same behaviour at home as he does at school? I was told by the private clinic that when he gets home he 'lets it all go' due to all the effort of controlling himself at school.

The specialist nurse told me that current government guidelines only say that children with severe adhd should be medicated, but surely a child has adhd or not and the severity depends upon how well they're coping with their symptoms. I feel that we're being penalised for being decent parents and sending him to a decent school who are managing him okay, but nobody sees how bad things are at home.

[Sandman2]

    It's a little hard to answer your question since you are in the UK (?).  I think from the little I know about CAMHS that they might be able to offer you some counseling on dealing with the problem at home.   Another thought I have is that while he is doing ok now in school, that will change as he advances and the subject matter gets harder.
    Finally, if he truly hangs in there at school and then unloads it at home.  Is there something that you can do for him after school to unleash his energy before he gets home.  Some kind of afterschool physical activity?  The other thought I have -  is do you understand what ADHD is?  You have to treat/discipline kids with it very differently then kids who don't have it. If you have been treating him with normal discipline measures, it would be working against you (and probably turning him against you).  So start reading up on the subject.  Even check out some of the dietary ideas.  Read the post below which gives several things that you might find helpful
    http://www.medhelp.org/posts/ADD---ADHD/need-alternative-therapy-for-my-11-yo-son/show/1096256
   Good Luck

[Lilak2002]

I agree with Sandman2. IMy son had ADHD, ODD and a mixed receptive speech delay.  He was diagnosed when he was 3 almost 4 years old.  He is 6 now.  He is a lot younger than your son but we do discipline him differently.  However my son is medicated, he takes Dextormine.  Before he took the medication he could barley say a few words let alone put a sentence together.  After he started taking it he started talking almost overnight.  Its good that his school work is not being affected but I would defiantly have him do something that makes him really active.  I love it when my son comes home for the day and he practically passes out because he is so tried.  Try getting a trampoline or enrolling him in something that makes physically active.  That should help some.