3 year old

[FaithfulMom2]

Please help! I am a mother to an almost 4 year old boy with severe behavior problems. He spits on people, kicks, hits, screams 'shut up'. He does this on a daily basis and often without warning. He is in preschool and even acts this way to his teachers and classmates. He spits on his teacher, in the past has played in his feces (happened a few times months ago), calls me ugly names. He has broken windows in our home and broken my car windshield. On a daily basis he tears up books and tells me to shut-up. He is also abusive to our dog and his older sister (hitting and kicking them or slapping his sister in the face). He has been acting like this for the past year and it seems to be getting worse. We have seen a therapist and she suggested putting him on medication so we have an appt. with a psychiatrist in a few weeks. I can't see putting a growing 3 year old boy on medication but then again we can not continue to live with this. This is tearing my family apart and if his behavior does not improve the preschool will no allow him to attend. Just to give you some background: He has never been abused and comes from a two parent home with an older sister. His sister does not have this behavior. Does anyone suggest seeing a pediatric neurologist or getting bloodwork?

[allmymarbles]

The first thing to look at is the home environment. Is there a lot of rough-housing? Do you tell each other to "shut up"? Young children usually mimic their parents' language. Is he spoiled? Do you give in to him so that he does not make a fuss? (That would teach him that making a fuss pays off.) These are just random thoughts.

I would never put a four-year-old on dangerous ADD medication.

[FaithfulMom2]

We do not use that kind of language in our home. Being around other children I'm sure that's where it came from. We are an active household but keep everything fun and have always disciplined immediately and appropriately. I've read Dr. James Dobson's 'The Strong-Willed Child' and he talks about ADD/ADHD children. It's as if he's talking about my son. I know we have exhausted all of the help we can give him at home so now it's a matter of who to seek medical help from.  

[Sandman2]

  I agree with you.  This is not typical behavior, nor is it any kind of learned behavior at this age.   I would definitely look for someone that specializes in children.  My first thought is a child psychologist that specializes in ADHD and bipoler kids.  Maybe other members will weigh in.  Good Luck.

[FaithfulMom2]

Thank you. We have seen a therapist twice and she says there is nothing more she can suggest and says I am doing everything right. She suggested a medication evaluation from the psychiatrist. No one has ever said a particular disorder he may have, but I feel that it's ADD/ADHD. The pediatrician does not see a need for bloodwork, but we do have an appt. for a neurologist.  

[sunshine1976]

Try to see a Pediatric Psychiatrist as he is under 5.  They are trained in this age group.  If you get a good one he will order blood work before giving you any diagnosis or prescribing meds.  Thyroid problems and other imbalances can cause major mood disorders.  Once that is ruled out he should be observed.  You will want to sign a release for your therapist so that she can share information with the doctor.   We are using a therapy method called Nurtured Heart for our son.  He is doing better but it has taken Therapy, Medication and Diet changes. Hopefully once he is a an age where he can understand his emotions and frustrations better the medication can be eliminated.  If you are interested look up Nurturinggreatness.org .  The doctor who wrote this really believes that ADHD is a gift and that these children can thrive when given an appropriate direction and outlet for all this passion.

I'm new to this wild ride too, but these are the things I've learned so far.
P.S. As a result of another wonderful MH member I stopped giving my son anything with Red40 food dye in it.  This has really helped decrease his wild moments.   Zyrtec has also been known to cause violent mood swings and depression in ADHD children and adults.

[thejoyofmotherhood]

They say ADHD is like a diabetes - you can't cure it yet, but you can control symptoms. There is thousand things you can do, including changing the diet, discipline tactics, etc. However, if his cells are genetically not wired to uptake certain hormones - there is nothing you can do, but fix this.
Please don't feel bad about ADHD medication. It is actually not fair NOT to give ADHD children the needed meds, because they want to be "good" themselves. They just can't help it.
FURTHERMORE, at this day of age (with "no tolerance" policies) - the disruptive, defiant behavior is not going to be tolerated in schools. And while he might get through elementary, once the puberty hits and other problems arise, he might get charged criminally later on. Your son deserves to make good friends, and he deserves to be able to sit and do his work, and show his true potential.

[Sandman2]

I agree with Sunshine.  I think a Pediatric Psychiatrist would be your best choice.

[FaithfulMom2]

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I am encouraged to hear other parents are going through this too. I can see that he wants so badly to behave but gets out of control with his behavior. I am glad to hear that the psychiatrist might order bloodwork. I've called several pediatric neurologists and have been turned down for treatment. I finally found one in our area that is going to see him, but not until December.
Thank you, Sunshine1976 :) I have heard about getting rid of foods that contain red dye so we will try that too.