ADHD Boy- taking meds but bad attitude

I am engaged to a single dad who has been doing everything in his will to care for his 13 year old son who has been diagnoised with ADHD since he was eight.  Although my fiance' has switched meds several times because of immunity reasons, all these meds seem to do is calm him down enough to focus.  Which is great for school, but he still has the worst attitude even on medication.  The back talking, disrespectfulness, hatefulness, and pure meaness is still there. He has no remorse or doesn't care for the consequences, yet he complains that noone likes him.  It is like he doesn't understand that his attitude chases people away from him.  He can't grasp the concept that saying sorry doesn't make the situation okay when you are still treating someone like a POS.  Tried several methods of disipline, spanking, groundation, items taken away, loss of privleges, EVERYTHING!!!- Even Bible scriptures on his wall on how to treat other people!!! I have no idea how to help other then buy a big box and ship him to an amish community.  Any advice?  

[singitgirl]

Hi this sounds like my 14 yr old son. Both of my boys have ADHD. The other one is !8. This runs in our family. My youngest son and nephew were diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder.  My nephew sounds more like that. Our psychologist  says that taking things away does not help as much as having them work towards something . I hope this helps.

[claremore]

I have 2 boys with ADHD. The oldest is 10 and we are having the same issues. It's almost like I've lost that sweet and caring boy to someone completely different. He is supposed to be getting anger management at counseling and also counseling for low self esteem. He refuses to open up to anyone (especially the counselors) so we can't get through to him. The anger management is uneffective because he feels justified in his behaviors. To his way of thinking, the other person got what they deserved coz of what they did. Ofourse more often than not, the other person has not actually done anything. I am also at a loss, so I don't have any suggestions to give, but I do send my support and prayers for your family

[compnet]

Was this going on before parents split up?  Has he been tried in psychotherapy/counceling?

[Sandman2]

     As I replied to claremore, this really is pretty normal.  So often doctors (especially pediatricians)  will put a kid on meds, and that's it.  While the meds will help with concentration and "lack of filters", they do nothing to deal with what has happened before.  Nor do they deal with years of learned behavior.
    There is a very good reason for his behavior.  Until you can understand what is going on with him - it is extremely hard to help him.  There are a lot of things that can be done, especially at his age.  Its much tougher to work with say a 6 year old, but having said that - a 13 year old has had a lot more "history" to get over.
   Essentially, the normal kinds of discipline don't work.  Working with an ADHD child is very different than dealing with a normal kid.  What you need is to do lots of research into what ADHD is and how it affects a child (or adult).  When you can understand what is going on with them, your perspective on this will change.
   The fastest help is to buy, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.  It not only will give you lots of info about what is going on with him, but will also give you lots of effective discipline methods.  Not to mention lots of ways to help him in school, both academically and socially.  Good luck