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ADHD (on dex) +Epilim? + Increased aggression
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ADHD (on dex) +Epilim? + Increased aggression

So....I'm 25...got diagnosed with adhd...been on dexamphetamine 50mg since march 25th was going well....after speaking to my doctor he thought i might benifit from going on epilim to stabilize my moods as well...

So i have been on epilim 500mg in the morning and then 500mg at night...I don't know if its causing my aggression to get worse (the dexies helped heaps with that)....i am getting rather big outbursts of anger and punching walls again....i don't know if epilim takes a while to "settle into" or if it's just not right for me.

It's also making me drowsy...finding it really hard to wake up in the morning....focus on my studies and assignments has gone down hill big time.

and to top it off my doctor is away until July....i'm at my wit's end.....i kind of feel like i might have been better off just on the dexies? i dont know....i know no one on here can give medical advice per se but i just want to know if anyone can give me any insight to anything??? I have browsed the internet for hours trying to find answers but haven't found anything of use....
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Avatar_m_tn
   Being drowsy is definitely a side effect of epilim.  But as for the rest?  From your earlier posts, you have been on epilim since about April 20.  That's close to a month.  You would think it would have stabilized by now - but, I really don't know.
   Makes me wonder if there is anything else going on in your life recently that is ticking you off.  If so, you may need to find a new way to deal with it.  Long walks are certainly better for you and the walls, than hitting them :)  Have your studies gotten more frustrating?  Are some form of testing in your classes coming up?  Is the material just getting harder?   Frustration will eat away at you and cause some of these feelings.
    By the way, being drowsy can also be due to sleep at night.  Are you staying up late or waking up a lot.  You should be getting at least 8 hours of sleep.  If not, you will be sleepy in the morning.
    I suppose that you could be getting used to the Dexi's.  Just really hard to tell.  
    Can't believe your Doc is going to be gone that long.  Does he hate your winters?   He must have left some kind of emergency contact.  I am sure he has other patients that are having questions.  Call his office and see.  He may also have another doctor who is covering for him while he is gone.  While the new doc would not be the same, I am sure that he knows more then me.  Hope this helps a bit?  Best wishes!!
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1460021_tn?1327193855
hmmm....well I'm frustrated with my tafe studies, partly because the assignments aren't set out very clearly. I do clarify with the teachers...and think everything is alright then i get doing another assignment and forget or ??? i don't know ....i seem to wayyy over think assignments....i stay up late obsessing about having to get them in on time, which I've already gotten extensions for the first 3 and one i've handed in....one is due tomorrow....which i don't think i will be able to complete (by tomorrow). It's also a focus thing...i don't think the epilim is doing what it's supposed to (for me anyways)...I guess i'll see how the rest of this week goes.

I will be able to see a couple of the doctors that work at the same clinic as my doctor...I feel that i want to go off the epilim....and raise my dex dose (only by10mg) but i don't think even the "dosing doctors" there can do that...i believe that only one doctor is "allowed" or given a "grant" to prescribe dexamphetamine or change the dosage....but atleast they might be able to tell me a bit more about whats going on with the Epilim.

The issue really needs to be addressed because i really can't keep acting this way. We went on a field trip for tafe yesterday/today and today i nearly totally lost it....i was on the verge of going NUTS at a couple of classmates and teachers and had to take a xanax because i got that feeling i get when i'm about to loose it.

A couple of classmates are telling me that i complain too much...and i need to chill. These people have no idea what adhd does to you. And the fact that i know they're talking about me just triggers memories from highschool and it all comes flooding back......they just make me feel like i am nothing. and i feel stupid (again...with the whole not doing well at school and adhd)....

I don't know this is probably not making any sense .... It's been a long day....
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Avatar_m_tn
      Ya, pretty classic.  Makes a lot of sense.  If you have the time check out two sites aimed at the adult ADD sufferer -  totallyadd.com and http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors. You will see a lot of people having the same issues.
               Both sites are done by people with ADD.  totallyadd was actually a PBS special and consequently is a series of short videos.  Quite entertaining and useful.   Jeffs add mind really reflects him.  Has much more adult interaction.  Both are worth checking out.    
        I think the Dex is wearing off at night, hence the focus problems.   Don't know how you take your doses, but maybe something to still help for awhile after dinner.  When you doc gets back, they have some longer acting ones that should help.  Definitely talk with your doctors about the epilim and maybe an extended Dex dose.
      By, the way, as I stated earlier, the lack of sleep at night will really make you more on edge.  Of course, its the worry and studying thats doing that. Really, really try and get more sleep at night it will help.  If there is any way, you can start work on some of the studies earlier in the day - at least for awhile- that also will help.  Also do try and get out and take even a short 30 min. walk, I think it will help.
     Keep in mind that understanding what the AD/HD is doing to you will help with coping or dealing with it's symptoms.  Its real easy to get frustrated if you don't know why you are feeling the way you do.
     Hope this helps!
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1460021_tn?1327193855
Well my doctor has dosed me as follows:

15mg when waking
15mg around noon/lunch
10mg around afternoon
10mg before bed

But he did say i could mix it up a bit and find out what works for me so I've been doing 15mg,15mg,15mg,5mg so i can have that extra bit of time at night to study....There is only the short acting version of dexies here in Australia, I know Ritalin is available in the slow release but it's found to be not as effective. I don't mind having to take the dexies 4 times a day, i have my pill case that has "morn, noon, eve, night" on it so i never have to question if i have taken my dose or not! lol I'm forgetful...

My sleeping patterns have been so messed up for quite some time now. I know i need to get into a routine of getting up and going to bed at certain times but i find it so hard seeing as i have so much work to do and find that once i get stuck into an assignment before i know it 8 hours have passed :S however in saying that...since taking epilim i just haven't been able to hold enough focus to actually GET the assignments done...(not to mention loosing my balance! but thank god i haven't lost my hair!!!)

I have spoken to most of my teachers about finding out i have ADHD and medications etc and I'm very lucky to have such understanding teachers...and they've told me that they notice that i DO participate in class and bring up interesting discussions/points that even make them stop and think! :) i KNOW i have it in me to do it all, it's just getting it all out on paper and in order. I have my moments of extreeeeeme "I can do this easy!!" then sometimes it can just take one little thing and i'll be telling myself " I just can't do this..." then stress out because i just can not deal with failure and i keep saying to everyone that dropping out or postponing the course is just not an option for me.....i put one whole year of my life on hold last year to recover from the painkiller dependence.

It's really hard to explain to people (especially fellow classmates) how ADHD effects me personally and to study (both combined)...they don't understand and just say i complain alot (when i'm actually trying to clarify assignments or tasks set). Oh well *shrugs* there's really not alot i can do about that....I had a look at jeffs add mind, and it's a great site :) if only all my classmates would read that!
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Avatar_m_tn
   The advantage of the short acting dex is that it can be tailored to your needs.  I have seen posts by adult users that have gotten it down to usage only when they really feel it was needed.  So feel free to play around with the timing.  You might need a bit more later in the day to help you study.  If you don't have classes in the morning, you may not need it.  
  But, I still think sleep deprivation could be a problem for you. Don't know what your morning schedule is.  Maybe you could do more studying in the morning instead of at night?  I have also seen adult posters who actually sleep better with Dex in there system.  Mind boggling to me, but makes sense.  Maybe, you should kick up the dose at night and see what happens.  
   I guess the point being that you gotta not be afraid to experiment a bit.  The cool thing is that the results are pretty instantaneous, and you can try it out on the weekends  so it doesn't screw up the weekday classes.
   Wonder if your painkiller dependence had anything to do with the frustrations caused by ADHD - those meds an be wonderfully mind numbing.
   By the way, if you are thinking of going off the epilim, ask your doctor - some of that stuff can not be quit cold, but has to be tapered off.   I do think (or maybe hope?) that if you get an understanding about why you are feeling the way you are and start learning about how to compensate or work with ADHD some of the anger/frustration outburts will cease.   I should also add that Jeffs add mind is kind of addictive, don't start reading it when you have homework due.
   Hope this helps!
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1460021_tn?1327193855
Well i only have class 3 days a week. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday from 9am-4pm... and it is classed as full time probably because we have to do so much outside of class study and the course is pretty full on. Even when I've had a day of tafe i STILL can't sleep at night...on my days off i sleep in a little and do homework...i know i need to take a break and do things other than school related things but right now i have so many assignments backed up and they keep on coming...

My doctor did say having the dex later at night might help me sleep because it slows the mind down...helps with the racing thoughts etc.

I feel that i need to get off the Epilim, and bump up the dexie dose....even if it's just by 10mg...I'm fairly sure my doctor would do that because as he said to me higher doses of dexies are more effective. I don't feel that i'm trying to "chase a high" or anything, I just think the dosage should be bumped up so i can at least see if that is what needs to be done.

I'm sick of mood stabilizers this is the second one i have tried and doesn't seem to work. When i first started the dexies i was great...aggression just vanished and i was happy...then i got sick and coincidentally saw my doctor at the same time (a previous arranged appointment to check my progress before he went away) and he thought i had a stomach infection...gave me antibiotics...and as I've said previously he thought epilim would be good to balance out my moods...which now i'm thinking the moods might have just been because i was getting sick??

from about 2007-2009(about October?) i was taking codeine based painkillers...then started Suboxone for the painkiller addiction/dependence,....finished that 17th december 2010...(so....156 days ago) in 2009/2010 i have been on prozac for depression, xanax for anxiety...and got switched from prozac to aurorix to try and stabilize my aggression but i thought it made it worse (which in hind sight i'm not sure about). So before going on dexies i should of had all of those out of my system (and my doctor agreed).  I haven't had a painkiller for about a year and a half...though having taken them for so long and such a high dose perhaps it has caused damage to my brain function...i know that might sound really out there but through some of the stuff i was learning about in class the other day i wouldn't be surprised.

I'm sitting here...it's 2.30am...i have homework scattered all over the couch and floor, feeling like crap because i haven't gotten the 1000 word essay done that i wanted to get done today. Tomorrow (well today) i have to film a 10 minute role play...just a conversation with someone on a topic....and then need to write a 500 word critical analysis of the ways i did or did not  communicate with them effectively. Both of these are due monday. If i goto bed and don't fall to sleep then i'm laying there wasting time that i could be doing work....then again if i don't goto bed i wont wake up early enough etc

I really just don't know what to do? It's all so stressful and i'm starting to think i have taken on too much too soon....but i can't quit...i CANT. I can't handle the sense of failure again....
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Avatar_m_tn
     Dang, and here I am helping you stay awake at night by posting when you are still up.
Frankly, I would modify your dose so its higher at night.  I have seen posts where that has worked to help people sleep.  And do talk to your doc about getting off the Epilim.  Don't try it by yourself.  There could be taper down things that must be done.
     And ya, you are taking a full load of classes, thats stressfull for anybody.  How far are you into your semester?
    By the way, nobody who has kicked a painkiller addiction/dependence should ever feel like a failure.  What you have done is already amazing!!!
    What you do need to do is to start listing your priorities in studying.  Plan it out on a chart and then check off each one as you go through it.  Don't just do this in your mind.  You need to put it on paper and then use that as your guide.  
    Its great you have such understanding teachers.  But just in case they are always not so understanding, make sure when you have the time to check with your college's counselors about getting something like our 504 or IEP designation (I would assume you have that in Australia) in special ed.  And make sure you keep your teachers in the loop.  Many times (as you have found out) they will extend deadlines that will help you catch up.
   If things get really tough, its ok to drop one class.  All the great military commanders had to beat a strategic retreat so they could live to fight again.  
   Lastly, I know I keep repeating this.  You do need to take even short breaks.  Don't know what the weather is like down there now, but try and get out and move.
   Opps, just saw your comments on antibiotics.  Last time I was on one I got a good case of thrush.  Think it was the acid reducers that I also was on which helped promote the thrush.  Anyway, if thats a problem start taking some probiotics.  It will help.  Plus, they won't do you any harm.
  Hang in there!
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lol its all good i was awake anyway...i was doing really well and was on track last night with my essay, then my cousin dropped in and i never really see him and i know he has anxiety issues so i gathered he wanted to talk about something so i missed out on a good few hours of solid on track essay writing!

With my course i can't actually drop a subject...if i did that, i wouldn't actually get the Certificate and wouldn't have the minimum qualifications for any drug and alcohol related jobs :\ and i really don't want to finish off the course next year...We're into about the 3rd week of the first semester (so term 2 of 4...i don't know if you guys do that over there?). I do list my study priorities in my diary and even wrote up on a piece of cardboard what assignment is due and when...but because we're starting so many new units of the course, the assignments keep on rolling in and are due around about the same time which makes it hard. I don't want to access the disability type service to help me with my assignments because i heard that they note it in my file and it would make it harder for me to get into University or do further studies....plus i have all the know how to do it in my head pretty much...but its just hard to get it out.

I don't feel like a failure because of the painkiller addiction...that's what got me onto this path of wanting to help others so i don't regret it....it's more the sense of another academic failure because i didn't do well at school (know i know why!) this is why I'm being really hard on myself. I just want to do this course and do it well (not that we get graded...we either pass or fail). Lastnight i took 1 extra dexie to keep my focused (and sleep) and i seemed to get off to sleep easily...though i did take 1.5mg of xanax too, which is probably bad (poly drug use....) but if i hadn't of taken it i would have been too anxious to sleep or relax (don't stress...it's prescribed to me...but my next script is probably going to be my last one).

I know i haven't been eating enough either...i'm not doing it on purpose...i either just dont get hungry (because of the dexies), forget to eat or just don't know what i feel like eating. But the good thing since i started the dexies is my sugar addiction is gone! :D and within 40days of being on the dexies i lost 10kg's....since starting the epilim i have only lost about one more kilo though :( and i do need to loose weight because i am not at a healthy weight. As for the Epilim I'm going to get an appointment with my local doctor (the clinic where my normal doctor works is 2 hours away and now charge $60!) and see what they can do....but i have a feeling they won't take me off epilim...

Hurry up 1st of July! I want my doctor back!
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Avatar_m_tn
      Ummmm, you might want to check out with a school counselor what you heard out about the disability type service being a handicap for you. Over here its almost the opposite.  If anything, it makes it easier to get into colleges.
      Sounds like that extra dexie a night may have been helpful, worth trying again.  I hear you about all the assignments rolling in at the same time.  Teachers are all on a schedule and usually its the same schedule for testing etc. so they all tend to want something at the same time.   You might try getting an erasable white board and dry markers.  You can put things up and easily erase them when they are over, etc.  
      There are a lot of really good study tips at these two sites, I think that you might find it worth your time to check them out.  
      http://add.about.com/u/ua/adhdinadults/ADHD-College-Study-Tips.htm
      http://add.about.com/od/schoolissues/a/Exam-Study-Tips.htm
  By the way, do take the time to check out the totallyadd.com site.  I think you will enjoy the videos.  
        Best wishes.
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1460021_tn?1327193855
Yeah I'm not totally sure with the whole assistance with the "disability" in regards to the assessments. But i have been told a bad story by one students doing the Diploma at the moment but last year when she was doing the cert 4 like me she had troubles doing some assignments and was told that it would be documented that she needed assistance with completing her assignments....and she's still going on with that issue this year.
Thankfully we don't have exams...just assessments/assignments throughout the year and are also judged on how we do when we have our placement at the end of the year

lol i do already have a whiteboard stuck up on my wall in my room...and got it for the purpose of writing up school related things like assignments etc...however at the moment it is blank :s lol

I had the extra dexie last night...yet i was still awake past 4am and had to get up at 8am (currently in class and on my laptop...naughty!) my focus is shocking today....lack of sleep. It didn't help that my mother was snoring like chewbacca on speed lastnight lol....i was throwing any object i could find at the wall between my room and hers....but no avail....grrrr.

ahhh better pay attention in class....
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Avatar_m_tn
    go down to your local sporting goods store and buy the ear plugs they use at the shooting range.  Very comfortable, will cut outside noises way down.   Its all about dealing with the distractions.
   Question, ya gotta ask yourself though is was it all your moms fault.  I do think the sleep thing is something worth concentrating on.  Believe I have said that from the start.  All kinds of studies have shown what sleep deprivation does.  Do you nap at all, that can help.
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Well i forced mother to clean her sleep apnea machine so now she doesn't snore.. I still can't manage to even GET to bed before 1 or 2am..

I went to my local doctor yesterday, and as i thought....he said that i would have to go back to the clinic where my treating doctor works. This is where it gets complicated...IF i needed the dexie dose changed i'm pretty sure i would have to see a doctor that prescibed anything that needs a permit (e.g xanax, methadone, suboxone etc)...and there are only 3 doctors there that also do that. One of which is away for the same amount of time my doctor is...one works little hours and late....and the other one had no appointments. And i'm pretty sure i'll have to miss another day of tafe because they all only work on my tafe days.

Frustrated...at times i'm ok...but at other times i feel great despair (been depressed before) and question my choice about study. Last night my mother and i had a big fight about my medication...and i FELT the most intense anger....i felt like smashing everything in sight. Epilim has got to be what's doing this to me....and i'm sure i don't have bipolar because i don't get "highs" and didn't get diagnosed with it.

I see and think about people who are FAR worse off than me and think i have NO right to complain.
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Avatar_m_tn
        I don't know about the complaining part, but you certainly do have the right to take control of this.  Sad, that its not happening as quickly as you want.  As I have said before, frustration is hugely typical for people in your situation.  Ya gotta deal with it, find ways to release it, and keep telling your self it will get better.
      Med wise, I wish I knew more about the Epilim and if you could just stop it or have to ease off it.  Those docs should be able to tell you that.
      Dexie wise, since there are some days you are not in school, I would think that you could save that pill which you would normally take in the morning and then use it at night.  I have seen lots of posts from adult ADD people who are able to use their meds on an "as needed" basis.
       What were you and your mom fighting over med wise.  Does she understand the whole ADD thing.  Perhaps have her watch some of the videos on totallyadd.com and see if that helps.
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It is really hard that things aren't happening quickly....well things seemed to be ok just being on the dex sort of, just besides getting emotional rather quickly...i don't know its really hard to remember (even though it was just over a month ago).

Tonight is hard...I'm really over it. The Epilim is definitely effecting my dexies.... I'm getting the Impulsiveness back...and i can FEEL it....its not just like a plain ol "yeah i'd like to do that" regular person feeling...i was like "i want to dye and cut my hair, re-pierce my lip, go out and drink"....I'm STILL stuck on the same assignment that was due monday which i don't even have much left to do on. Intense anger.  wishing there was an easy way out....then getting pissed off. ...

Last night i went to bed at 2am....set my alarm for 11am so i had a bit of extra sleep...however i must of just turned off the alarm and went back to sleep, and didn't wake up til 2pm.

The fight with my mother....well basically i attempted to explain to her (i have good communication skills because we have just learned about it at tafe) that my doctor was away....there was only 3 other doctors that i could see if the problem is related to my dexie dose and that i wasn't sure if they could increase it anyway as i am certain that only ONE doctor can do that....after that...she stopped listening and started yelling about duty of care etc...and did not give me the chance to tell her that one of the doctors was also on holidays, one doctor only worked mondays and was booked up, and the final doctor worked after hours( and only on the weekend?).

She made me so frustrated and angry i thought i was actually going to have some sort of psychotic episode( not that i've had one before). I was so angry that i spoke calmly and said "Please, be quiet, leave me alone....if you don't i will smash everything in sight, walk out that door right now and i wont come back".

As for the days where i don't goto tafe i still take the dexies anyway because i have so many assignments. Sometimes i sit here and look at everything...all the research, the assignment etc and get nothing done....other times i'll be on a role and get heapsss done....though i'm fairly sure the times where i got heaps done was when i wasn't on epilim yet.

I have searched on the internet about stopping Epilim but pretty much like all meds it says to consult your doctor first...blah blah...

I just feel if i had all of my assignments done things would be a lot better. i don't get why i can't do them...i know what they mean...i can write...the first assignment i got back i Passed (which most students didn't). so frustrating.

part of me would love to just pick up and leave...those were the feelings i had a few years ago when i was reallyy depressed and had the painkiller addiction (neither had been diagnosed)

*shrugs*
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Avatar_m_tn
    I love your comment, ...I can write.... Its like duh - look how much you have written on this forum.  You've got a book going here.  Yes, you write very well.  Its turning that talent to school stuff thats gotta be so frustrating to you.
    Speaking of frustrating - I really can sense more and more of that creeping into your posts. Ya gotta change that frustration level somehow.  Or if you can't change it, you've gotta burn it off and let it go.  You are a smart person recognizing what is going on will help you deal with it.  Dealing with it is the tough part.  I keep saying get outside and do something - mainly, I am trying to say you need a release (and I think a physical one is much more healthy!).  It's a way of breaking the pattern that you are following into.  And you know what, it doesn't hurt to try.  So you blow off 30 min walking through a park (wait, how cold is it down there?  Maybe a Mall?), if it doesn't help -so what?  I'm sure you will have blown that time during the night anyway.  Give it a try - maybe two tries.  See what happens.
   Pick one assignment and get it done.  Then move on.
   The doctor thing is extremely annoying.  Call the clinic, tell them you are having side effects from the epilim and they are getting worse.  Heck, make it sound even worse than it is.  See if that motivates them.  Make sure that you get the name of the person that you are talking to.  They must have (I think) a backup plan for the doctors), otherwise the law suits would get interesting.
   And ya, Mom things happen.  She probably is also feeling some frustration.  I am sure she can sense yours.  Doesn't make for great listening skills.  
   Well, that's my thoughts.  Just thoughts.  Hang in there.
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Yeah i will call my doctors clinic on Monday (It's saturday night now)...i know the certain person i have to speak to to clarify which doctor i have to see, and if they have no appointments....as you said, i will say this is urgent and i am very concerned...but to that i think they would say "perhaps goto the ER"....

It'll be Winter here in a few days so its cold (doesn't snow where i am though)...and has been raining on and off. i know you're right about getting out and getting rid of some of the frustration....i mainly do that over the internet....if i go out to the mall (or shopping centre's as we call them here in Aus) if i'm in a bad mood i won't want to be there and anxiety will kick in or i'll feel annoyed when people stare at me (i can't stand people staring at me).

*shrugs* guess i'll have to wait til monday when i ring my doctors clinic...
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Avatar_m_tn
   Look up the side effects again of the Epilim.  I know that aggression,  hyperactive, depression, and drowsiness are some of the side effects.  Tell them that your doctor told you to call them if you were experiencing any side effects, and you are pretty sure that he didn't mean to go to ER and meet someone who had no authorization to look at the medication you are taking.  
    Ya, I know its gonna be cold there.  Shopping center  (malls as we call them :) walking is something we do in the winter.  It's not shopping, its just a way of getting out, getting exercise, and not freezing our b**** off.   People do look at us kind of funny cause we are power walking - that's their problem.  Hey, give it a shot.  Its a lot easier to stop then start.  Just think you need to change up your routine somehow, and this is the best I can come up with.
   Let me know how your clinic call goes.  
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hmmm...so i get into contact with one of the doctors over the phone... he says it might be that my Dexie dose is too high so try and lower it.....

I told him that i was getting mood swings, aggression , depression, drowsy during the day, insomnia at  night etc...he said that the Epilim would cause the drowsiness if the dose is too high so i can lower it to 600mg a day (which means a trip to my local doctor to get a script for the 200mg tablets because these are the type with the protective coating grrr) and then if i want to stop them i have to spend a whole fortnight taking
400mg in the morning and 200mg at night....

He said that my ADHD could be misdiagnosed....WTF....i spent $520 to see a good psychiatrist...i'm sure he know's what he's talking about and i meet all the criteria. literally. My father has Tourette's which is another tell tale sign. I don't know what else it could be???

I should of just stuck with the plain old dexies for a little while longer instead of getting put on the epilim too....
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I just wanted to say that when I was taking wellbutrin, my doctor added zoloft to try and balance out my moods. I developed major aggression from that combo. I've stopped taking both of them and the aggression is back down to a manageable level but it's still there. Which is really weird for me because I'm known as a nice calm easy going person. I also get very easily frustrated now to the point where it's affecting my job. I think the anti depressants made my adhd worse!

Just throwing that out there.
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Avatar_m_tn
   Kind of amazing that a doctor -  based on a phone call with you - would state you might be misdiagnosed!  Epilim comment sounds fairly logical.   Was this all you got.  Just a phone call and then what he said.  No one suggested that you should come in and give the full story?  Grrrrr!
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Yeah just got the phone call....this doctor had access to my files so could see what had been going on and is a "dosing doctor" so he knows about the meds that need a permit for (well that the doctor needs to get a permit for to supply)...however in saying that, he doesn't know me. I'm fairly sure i have not seen this doctor before and if i have it would of only been one visit....

So anyways i'll be going to my local doctor here in a couple days to get the lower dose of the Epilim tablets....the question is do i lower the dose and see how it goes? or continue with the decrease (apparently over a few weeks) and stop them....?? so hard to know with meds.

Yesterday afternoon and today have been a bit better...probably because i found out that i passed my first assignment of the year....I addressed all criteria and went above and beyond! The teacher was very impressed! :D too bad we only get a "pass" or "fail".....or "resubmit".....ah well i'm happy :) and mind you alot of people in the class had to resubmit theirs. I guess i underestimate myself sometimes. Oh and i did my first "role play" infront of the whole class and 2 teachers (which i have been avoiding ALL year...)  where i was the counselor and another student played someone who was looking for some help etc... And i got really good feedback from that too, apparently i covered all the communication skills needed and i was "very authentic"....

I think i surprised everyone with how well i did....i guess they didn't think i had that sort of ability...maybe because i avoided it for quite some time? or possible misconceptions they may have made about me? eh anyways i showed them!

As for the Epilim i guess i'll just see how i go

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   I'm not so sure you surprised everyone so much as you surprised yourself!   Got a feeling thats its still hard for you to believe that you can finally began to access the talent that is there.  I think that you showed yourself!  Congrats!!!!
   Hey, its a journey - gonna have its peaks and valleys - but you are moving forward.  It would be cool if you had your doc helping you along the way.  But, that also will happen.  Keep trudging onward!  You may spend more effort getting organized to do the studying (most of the time), then it takes you to do the actual work.  But its the planning that pays off.
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Yeah I've busted out my whiteboard...made 2 columns...one for homework/reading and one for assignments and in the order of when they're due...I have ALOT to do :S but It's put it all into FULL visual sense of what needs to be done (which is good for me)...I have heapppssss to do this month :\ but hopefully i'll buckle down..."get with it" and get it done.

I went to the local doctor yesterday and she was happy to give me the script for the lower dose of Epilim which is good. So now i'm taking 400mg morning 400mg night...thats for a few days, then i'll goto 400mg morning and 200mg at night.

I will have to sit on that dose for about 2 weeks. At this point i wont completely dismiss Epilim...i'll just see how i feel on the lower dose and then make a decision.

This was the feedback i got from my teacher about my report/essay:

"You have provided a well written piece for this assessment, and  covered  all the assessment criteria well. I am impressed at the effort you  have  taken to include such details about some of  the harm  minimisation  programs and  organisational chart for MCDS. Well done."
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     I agree with your teacher - Well done!!
     Like what you are doing with the Epilim.  Heck, I like the decisions you are making now.  Keep it up!!
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:D Well that's the plan....i know it's short term planning but right now that's the best option... I've just got to stick TO the plan now!...well that and see how the meds drop goes.

It was funny in class the other day, I practically taught the class. The teacher was talking about opioid replacement psychotherapies (Methadone, Suboxone, Subutex) ....and because I've been on one before and ALWAYS research everything i knew alot more than he did (and he's been working as a drug and alcohol case worker for many many years), any questions fellow students had he tried to answer them and then sort of gave me a bit of a look as to say "is that right??? help!" and then i sort of just kept talking and talking haha.

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Avatar_m_tn
   I have several friends or relatives with ADHD or ADD who are in the teaching field.  They are great teachers, the kids or adults love them.  One of them just got the "teacher of the year" award.  Maybe, this is something that you could eventually get into.
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Yeah that's what my Mother says I'd be good at...I have no idea what part of the Alcohol and other drugs field i want to work in yet, i do know i want to work more with people using illegal drugs or pharmaceuticals....rather than people with Alcohol issues, I've dealt enough with that....my dad has always been an alco and so has my mum pretty much.

Ahh who knows where life will take me? I may just have to keep studying for a while though....i read on some job applications that previous addicts can apply but must be clean for 2 or 3 years. I was only addicted to painkillers...then again, addiction is addiction. Though i haven't touched a painkiller since i got on suboxone in late 2009...and i finished suboxone 17th December 2010....so i guess i have concerns about that....and the fact that I got arrested twice for shoplifting might effect if i can do placement at the end of my course :\  mind you that was when i was severely depressed, just got fired, just got dumped, just started a bunch of medication. "normal" me...in my right mind (eg. now and previously) would NEVER have done that.

I barely remember what the police told me, but i'm sure they said i wouldn't have a perminant record if i didn't get busted a third time (for anything). I'd never been in trouble with the police before and after that i never have again. It's weird thinking back to that part of my life...i couldn't see how majorly messed up i was. I'm blessed to have found the right doctor by chance and decided of my own accord that i wanted to change things and stuck to it....

Funny to think...an addiction can turn into a passion in the complete and utter opposite way....
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