I have recently married and am now the step mother of soon to be 18 year old twins. I was told they were diagnosed ADHD earlier in their life, and that was the cause of their school troubles and their failure to achieve social acceptance. They have both been in court ordered programs, one is living with us, and one will be coming home to live with us within the next month. What I have seen is more than hyperactivity or impulsivity. The one that is living with us currently manipulates, lies to everyone about everything, steals, has no respect for personal boundaries, is egocentric, has drug and alcohol issues, is cruel to the family dog, is violent and has no respect for authority figures.
The other twin uses his smile and sweetness to manipulte and con those around him. He also steals, lies, has drug and alcohol issues, and has no respect for authority figures. He does have a lower than average IQ and behaves and speaks as if he were 13 or 14. I am afraid I am dealing with sociopaths, not children with ADHD. I don't know much about how they were raised. Mom supposedly was not happy about her pregnancy with them, and I have been told that she has issues with alcohol. I know that I was told that from early on punishment did not seem to work for these two and they were a handlful from about the time they came out of the womb. They are fearless and seem to welcome challenges. The usual punishments were tried, spankings, groundings, taking things away .They were even put in a program at about age 11 or 12 for boys with behavior issues. They lived there during the week and came home on weekends. Supposedly the boys were unmanageable, this place even used paddles to discipline, and my new husband and his exwife were told they would need to withdraw the boys and take them home.They have older siblings, who are really great kids. Their sister is kind, sweet, loving and adored by everyone that meets her. Their brother is kind, quiet, laid back and genuinely a nice kid. My new husband is a nice guy and has unbelievable patience, sometimes to a fault. I guess my question is whether I am dealing with ADHD or something more severe. My mother met the one twin and was horrified by what she saw, and this was when he was on his best behavior. I think the manipultion and lies are apparent to those around him. We currently have him in court ordered therapy, and we are seeing the therapist as a couple to help us work through our issues with the boys. I was a little unnerved when the therapist jokingly said I should run for my life, but then very seriously followed up with a very firm statement in regards to my personal safety, and that at anytime if any threat of bodily harm or any act of violence towards me should be regarded with the utmost seriousness and police should be called immediately. I haven't told my new husband this, but the only thing I fear is a sexual attack. I do know that they both find me attractive, but the one at home with us now is constantly trying to get me to notice him in the physical sense. I constantly remind him that he is a child, and I am a woman and I have drawn very strict lines as to where our relationship lies. I am not sure how to handle all of this new chaos in my life, and in my childrens lives.
I feel very very sorry for you. I would run and never look back, if I were truly fearful. These boys can hurt you, or even kill you. Did you know of this prior to marrying your husband. You are a great person, and I wish you the best, but I would run and run fast.
This is only a forum for laypeople, not professionals. You are in a tough situation. I would speak to the therapist and ask him outright if the boys are a threat to you. This doesn't sound like ADHD although that may be part of it. I would ask the therapist on your next visit if they are sociopaths or similar. I'm afraid that when reading your post it does sound like something out of a movie, and not a nice one at that. Does your husband know of your fears and his sons behaviour towards you?
It's all right for the therapist to say you should regard any threats seriously, but what if you don't get the verbal threat first?
You also say that you have children of your own who are living in this situation with you.
If these boys are as you say, then I too would be seriously thinking of leaving because it sounds like they are just a time bomb waiting to go off and do something serious that could put them behind bars for life, and you don't want that incident to involve you or your children.
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