Advice for ADD Spouse

[tfonz10]

I am not sure if this is the proper place to post this.  My husband was diagnosed with a mild case of ADD back in April. I am guessing he also had it as a child.  Our marriage counselor had pointed it out to us and recommend he start treatment for it.  Shortly after he left for some a military training that he was unable to finish, he was kicked out.  The instructor did not think he was taking it seriously.  When he got back he diced to get medicated.  I am not sure of all the meds he has tried but he started with Adderall.  I don’t remember what you call it but it was a one a day not extended release. It worked really well but he had problems with his blood pressure.  Since then he had being trying different meds and it seems as though he is getting worse.  Now he is severely depressed and like a totally different person.  I am not sure how he got so far gone.  His primary doctor referred him out to someone thinking he may be bipolar and is being treated accordingly.  

Meanwhile our marriage is falling apart and his relationship with our oldest son (4 ½) is just as bad.  He told me he is tired of his daddy yelling at him all the time.  I am tired of the emotional roller coaster.  I never know what I am going to get, one day he loves me and hates me the next.  I am also scared of this being passed down to our son because we have constant behavior issues.  I honestly have to wonder if he had adhd or is he just reacting to his father that is emotionally unstable.

At what point do I say enough is enough?  I do not want to expose myself or our kids to this erratic behavior.  His impulsivity is out of control.  Its like he lacks common sense and is not capable of adult rationalization.  Is there anything I can do to help.  Is he just not interested in our life or is this a medical issue.  

[Sandman2]

   Sorry, I must have missed your last post.  This site has some very good advice on adult ADHD and relationships.  Besides checking out the link I am sending you - make sure you click on some of the other suggestions.  That have a lot of good info that I think you will find helpful.  The site is - http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/8385.html.  It is the same site that I first recommended, but a more specific link.   And make sure you also check out Jeffsaddmind which I also recommended.

[tfonz10]

With the first med adderall he was back to the guy I used to know.  It was causing his blood pressure to rise to much so that is why we have been trying other alternatives.  During this process he was worse off than where we started.  He is currently on Ritalin and mood stabilizers and it seems to be working well.  He says he feels improved concentration but not anything like the adderall.  The last couple weeks he has been consistently pleasant and more aware of his actions.

I feel like if I can understand What behavior is ADD and what behavior is just the way he is, it would help me handle things better.

[allmymarbles]

Am I right in assuming he got worse after he started taking medication? If that is the case....

[Lindyginger]

Your kids come first so if you need to separate them or send the kids to your friends or mothers for a while then its ok. He needs support right now though. Adhd Can come with heavy anxiety disorders due to some of the negative unintendedconsequences that come with adhd. look for bipolar in his family...if its prevelant be careful not to become codependent. bipolar is hard. adhd can seem like bipolar when its not. though he probabaly wont have the big red flags for bipolar if its adhd actong like bipolar.

[Sandman2]

   Only problem with alcohol is drinking too much of it.  No side effects normally.  Mood stabilizer might be different but I don't know what he is taking.  Anti-anxiety meds would be a good choice if thats what they are using.
   ritalin is certainly worth trying.  Its out of your system in 3 to 4 hours and comes in a large variety of dosages, so its easier to try and find the right dosage.

[tfonz10]

Thank you for the info!

The dr is starting him on ritalin.  How important is it to refrain from alcohol while taking these type of meds?  He is also on mood stabilizers.

[Sandman2]

  No, it is a medical issue and ADHD can do this to you.   Depression is even more serious.  Hopefully, he can find the right mix of meds to pull him out of this.
  You (and him) might want to check out this site for adults with AD/HD.  It does explain a lot.  http://jeffsaddmind.com/for-first-time-visitors
   This site also has some good information on how it effects relationships.
        http://www.additudemag.com/topic/adult-add-adhd/friends-relationships.html
    Hope this can help.  Best wishes.