Normal Behavior? ADHD, Oppositional Defiance? PLS HELP

My son just started Kindergarten the end of August. His behavior problems are seriously coming to light now that he is in a more structured learning environment. He has been in childcare/preschool - but the struction & learning environment to this point has been relatively flexible.

I am at my wits end, I have no idea what to do anymore. Every day my son is on red (his school uses the redlight system where a warning goes to yellow & another reminder takes you to red) I suffer from ADHD and was concerned about my son's behavior - but wasn't sure if I was overreacting, or over analyzing, etc. My doctor said, take this Iowa Conners Teacher's Rating Scale in to his teachers, ask them to fill it out - this will give you a better idea of what's going on & if it's ADD or ADHD related. One teacher scored him a 17 and the other a 19. Most notable is that BOTH teachers scored him at a 2 or 3 for Quarrelsome, Temper Outburst, explosive/unpredictable behavior, Defiant, Uncooperative & Excitable & Impulsive.

I have been speaking with his teachers on a daily basis to try and come up with some alternative solutions, but the more we try the harder he pushes back & becomes even more defiant. When we discuss these choices that he's making, he's apologetic & says, I said I was sorry. We've discussed alternate choices, we've discussed making good choices. He thinks negatively overall, not sure where it comes from, but he automatically assumes negative things. My problem is, impulse or not, a bad choice has a consequence, it's not ok to allow things like 1. direct difiance, throwing toys in school, getting caught taking a quarter from another teachers desk & then crying uncontrollably.

Each day is a challenge, even though the events of our basic day do not change, it's all a struggle. It's a challenge to get him to get himself dressed, to eat his breakfast, to make his bed, to carry his lunchbox. He will randomly do things to others, to annoy them - like on the playground yesterday, playing with a ball. He threw it over the fence so nobody else could play with it. He often plays alone. His teachers have told me that they encourage him to join group activities, but he resists. He's easily annoyed, & when I try to discuss things with him he covers his ears, as if to not listen. Or he'll look away as if to not pay attention.

He's a smart kid, he's actually a lot of fun, he loves sports & is overall very good at most anything he tries...but he's very hard on himself and often says he can't do something, or he doesn't know how (when he does & has done it before)

I shouldn't have to repeat, repeat, repeat 500 times, & it's not ok for him to be so disruptive to his classmates & our family here at home as well.  I'm wondering what a professionals thoughts are on this....do you think this is ADHD related? Oppositional Defiance? Or just a regular 5 year old trying to to push the limits?

I appreciate any responses and hope to come to some sort of NEW disciple that WORKS soon! Btw, I'm a single mom, 2 boys. His pediatrician recommended a behavior evaluation, but wants to wait until December to see if this is just an adjustment period.  

Cari

[allmymarbles]

There are some teachers whose mouths I would like to shut with duct tape. Who do they think they are advising on what they consider to be an emotional problem?  Yes they want obedient, easy children. Well some children are more difficult than others. That does not mean they are abnormal. Be patient with your little boy and give him a chance to grow up - without dangerous drugs.

[benjimom]

I would see if the school has a behavioral specialist that could come in and observe and look at the classroom and see what helps/doesn't help, etc.  My son had a really hard time in kindergarten last year, it went from bad to worse.  Now, he's in a special classroom and doing lots better. He still does some things, but he's better overall, he doesn't lose control of himself so much.  He has sensory processing disorder and we started him in therapy in late May.  

I was told by a therapist that age 5 is too young for a diagnosis of oppositional defiance.

There can be a lot of reasons a child is defiant, sometimes anxiety causes it.  I had a pediatrician who suggested Ritalin based on one of those questionairres, but I wanted my son to a see child psychiatrist and took him there and he did not think he has ADHD.  This year, his current teacher did not think he has ADHD either. I woudl give it more time and seek out resources on your own.  Also, please do not ALLOW the pediatrician to treat your child with psychiatric drugs (ie Ritalin, etc).  Go to a specialist and do your research.  Try to find a doctor who is conservative with drugs.  Read up on ADHD and read opposing views.

I wish I could remember some of the books I read that helped me the most about kids/drugs.  

It's anxiety producing to a child to be constantly in trouble and it makes wanting to be in school difficult. Who wants to be a in place where you are constantly in trouble??