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Please tell me what's wrong?
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Please tell me what's wrong?

My son is 4.  When my son was 1 he use to sneak out of the house.  I mean the neighbors would knock at my door and ask if I lost someone.  I only went to the bathroom it was that fast.  We had to put locks on the top of the doors to keep him from getting out.  Everything would go in his mouth.  I mean everything it did not matter what it is.  He is 4 and still everything goes in his mouth.  Its really bad when we are in crowds of people around.  Its like an anxiety.  He didn't talk until he was 2yrs old.  But when he did started to talk it was normal.  He is very distructive.  He beaks everything.  When he gets into trouble he has no facial expressions, no remourse for what he did, no crying, its almost as you are talking to a wall.  We tried to take things away from him that he loves the most.  Like his bike, my husband took his bike away for two days because he did not listen very well.  His bike is his world.  His response was "dad did you put my bike up?" Also, Just after Christmas he just got new toys that he wanted desperately his room was a complete mess.  I asked him to help me pick up the toys.  He just refused so, I told him that if he can't take care of his toys then we will have to throw them in the garbage or give them to someone who will take care of them.  So I started to put them in a box and he helped me.  He said I don't need them.  I put them outside on the garbage cans and it sat there all day and overnight.  He did not care.  He did not even think about them ever again.  What kind of 3yr old does not get upset at that kind of thing?  He doesn't like to eat.  Especially at the dinner table when we are eating.  He has to much energy.  He can't sit in one place for to long.  He just wants to eat junk.  He eats all the time oatmeal everyday.  Sometimes he will eat other things.  It took me 3 months to get someone to listen to me.  Me and my husband have been so exhausted.  You can't let him leave your site or he is into something distructive.  Once he took powder and sprayed it all over my bathroom within seconds.  He is obsessed with baths, cars have to line up and he has to finish whatever it is that he is doing.  Its so fustrating.  I took him to a Neurologist who diagnosed him with ADHD with anxiety disorder.  She said she would definetly say he does not have Autism.  We did put him on Aderall it was a nightmare, then switched him to Concerta which was worse.  He lost 5lbs.  And seemed to stare off in space.  We wen to a carnival and put him on a carosel ride and he did not even smile.  He had no facial expessions that was my last draw.  I took him off the meds.  Now he at least has a personality but the hyperness and other things we are dealing with.  He has a social worker that comes once a week and works with him.  Teaching him right from wrong.  The distruction is less than it was.  He still breaks his own toys.  He has to have a blanket over his head when he sleeps and a stuffed animal.  I am not sure what we are dealing with but I know deep down in my gut that something else is wrong.  He has never been tested for anything.  They just went by hear say.  Please help me go in the right direction.
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I do know that drugs arent the answer read some of the posts here ,a lot of the 'behaviors' you mention are normal ,why would you think it odd that achild of 4 has a blanket he chooses to put over his head,children sleep with stuffed animals as teens even....It seems to me that some child /parent interaction couselling may help you. Most children put things in their mouth so dont feel that one is odd it can be pretty scary but thats what they do,there is a good book out there called SOS HElp for Parnets by Lynn Clark it may help you.
I,ve read some books and watched some programs about autism, and the way you describe your son as not caring and nothing seems to affect him, it does sound a bit like autism. Dont worry about him wanting a blanket, as my four year old still has a dummy. Try reading up on autism and talk to your Dr or Midwife, they,ll be able to advise you properly., Goodluck.
The drugs did not work because they are speed and made him more hyper. I do notice your comment that he doesn't like to eat and eats oatmeal all the day. In the food department you are doing the wrong thing. Put dinner in front of him, the same dinner you are eating. Perhaps at first he will not eat. Don't despair. A missed meal or two won't kill him. He will get so hungry that he will have to eat what you give him. I can remember when one of my daughters was about six, she brought home a school friend for lunch. I served them and the little girl said, "I only eat hamburger.for lunch." (Tough luck, kiddo.)
  Wow, you list lots of things that normal kids never do.  You have a Neurologist who says he has ADHD.  That would be my guess to (perhaps with some OCD also going on)  - especially since the Concerta didn't wire him up (like it would do with normal kids) but caused an opposite reaction.  Kids that "stare off into space" are withdrawn, the opposite of hyper.   Seems like it was to high a dosage.
  I would find a child psychologist that specializes in ADHD and give it another shot.  Maybe not this year, but certainly by first grade.
  It doesn't hurt to try diet modifications.  Make sure the oatmeal is not full of sugar.  Add fruit to it if he complains about it not being sweet enough.  Certainly throw away all the junk sweet food in the house.
  This is going to take a lot of work on you and your husbands part.  If you can get some counseling on handling kids with his activity level it would be very helpful.  
SOS is a good book and will help.  See if you can focus his activity into something that will keep him in one place.  Try the game that you hook up to your tv and go bowling or play golf - think its the Nintendo game box.
The 'not caring" sounds more like a smart child who is rapidly figuring out how to manipulate the system, or a child that is so wired he literally, almost instantly forgots, why he is mad and moves on to something else.  Don't worry as much about that.  It is more common then you would think.  What you do have to do is to be very consistent and not let this behavior change yours.
    I have not read this book, but there are a lot of good ideas listed below that are worth sharing.  I might add from personal opinion that in at least his early years of elementary school, medication might be needed if he is as bouncy as you say.
   But, you have time to try several things.   Good Luck

50 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Behavior and Attention Span without Drugs, Labels, or Coercion (for detailed information about each way, see The Myth of the ADD Child) Order the book.

Provide a balanced breakfast.
Consider the Feingold diet
Limit television and video games. Find out what interests your child.
Promote a strong physical education program in your child’s school.
Enroll your child in a martial arts program.
Discover your child’s multiple intelligences (link)
Use background music to focus and calm.
Use color to highlight information.
Teach your child to visualize.
Remove allergens from the diet.
Provide opportunities for physical movement.!!
Enhance your child’s self-esteem.
Find your child’s best times of alertness.
Give instructions in attention-grabbing ways.
Provide a variety of stimulating learning activities.
Consider biofeedback training.
Activate positive career aspirations.
Teach your child physical-relaxation techniques.!!
Use incidental learning to teach.
Support full inclusion of your child in a regular classroom.
Provide positive role models.
Consider alternative schooling options.
Channel creative energy into the arts.
Provide hands-on activities
Spend positive times together.
Provide appropriate spaces for learning.
Consider individual psychotherapy.
Use touch to soothe and calm.!!!!!!
Help your child with organizational skills.!!
Help your child appreciate the value of personal effort.
Take care of yourself.
Teach your child focusing techniques.!!
Provide immediate feedback.
Provide your child with access to a computer.
Consider family therapy.
Teach problem-solving skills.
Offer your child real-life tasks to do.
Use "time-out" in a positive way.
Help your child develop social skills.
Contract with your child.
Use effective communication skills.
Give your child choices.
Discover and treat the four types of misbehavior.
Establish consistent rules, routines, and transitions.!!
Hold family meetings.
Have your child teach a younger child.
Use natural and logical consequences.
Hold a positive image of your child.! ! ! ! !
My son did the same thing at 2 yrs. old he broke the locks. He was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and insomnia. And the meds that he is on don't help him at all.
Oh I am sorry the book is called' SOS Help for Parents " by LynnClark my keyboard sticks ....
Hi,  let me just say that I have two sons age 5 and 4.  One has a delay and one does not----  and sometimes with their behavior it is hard to tell which is which.  Boys do a lot of crazy things for sure.  Mine can take it to new heights.  

My older son has a nervous system developmental delay called sensory integration disorder.  It is a little different from ADD/ADHD as it involves the brain's messaging system to the senses (and there are more than 5 senses, who knew?).  Behaviors at times can look similar but it is handled differently.  Every single person I know has something sensory that bugs them (turtlenecks, walking in wet grass, etc.)-----  it is only a disorder if a child can't cope or function well.  This was my beloved boy.  

He is a "sensory seeker"----  which means he needs heavy input into his system to get the signal.  He bumps things, he crashes toys into each other and himself into the toys (and walls), he plays intensely.  He'll jump off things and seems to have no fear.  Yes, my younger son does too----  but not to the extent as my sensory son.  And when his brain tells him to do it----  it's like a mission.  I have to work hard to find outlets that are safe and appropriate for him.  He spins, he moves to focas, he can be a live wire.  He also loves "deep pressure".  This means he likes being squeezed.  He just loves to lay face down on the ground and have me press an exercise ball over him.  He has this thing called a body sock which terrifies my younger son who wanted to try it one day---  but my sensory kid loves it.  It is  a lycra bag that he puts his whole self in squeezing him and making it dark.  He also will put a blanket over his head.  (I do too though when I'm cold . . .)  His motor skills have come a long way but something he still has an issue with is chewing difficult things like meat.  He still can't get it chewed up (and I cut it tiny) and chokes or spits it out.  He also has texture issues as his tactile sense is off.  He used to have a big problem washing hands as water on his hands made him meltdown like he was in pain.  (this went away after occupational therapy was started----  but when he is ill or super tired, he has to force himself to wash his hands and talks himself through it).  

Anyway, he was diagnosed by an occupational therapist and with therapy and tons of stuff we do at home (lots of physical stuff----  climbing, jumping, rolling, running, carrying heavy objects and soothing stuff---- swinging, chewing gum, sucking thick liquid through a straw (he calms orally sometimes) and training----- he did a social skills camp and we work on all kinds of things together in the genre).  He is now such a happy little guy that loves school, making friends, learning things, playing sports, etc.  He'll always have his delay but you'd have a tough time picking him out in a crowd.  My point being, I credit that with getting on the right track early on.  Having your son evaluated would never hurt.

Sandman's list of 50 things is excellent (I'm going to try several of those ideas!).  

And Lynn Clark's book is excellent.  It has helped with both my boys but especially my younger one.  
Hi- I also have a son with ADhD and is Bi-polar as well.  THe one best thing I did for him was buy, read and implement the techniques in 2 books.  The first was How to reach and teach ADD ADhD kids.  The second was The ADD/ ADhD Answer book.  Both of those books are filled with things that help our kind of children.  They stress structure (which every child needs), but also specific activities and things you can do to reach your child.  Some of the things that I read in your post did sound a little like Autism.  Has that been ruled out?  Keep your chin up and don't give up.  YOU are what can make your childs life a real success.  My son is now 15- off all meds, has won 2 science fairs and made honor roll the last 2 years as well.  I also need to mention he has a wonderful social life too.  It can be done- you can do it.  If there's anything I can do for you- please let me know.
I was pushed by the school to put my son on medicine so I did. Wish I had never put him on them.My son to was on Adderall (adderrall) and then the Concerta.Then when it when to the school saying the medicines still not working.And I would call my son doctor and he thou the school was crazy.Till I took my son in and told him again what the school was saying .he finally said he would send my son for an EGG and thou it would come back normal.well he called the same day and told me he was sorry that it was not.about a month down the road my son was in the hospital to do a video EGG and when I asked one of the doctors there about his medicines he had been on they said that the seizures are side effects to I took him off it,and also found that
adderall (adderrall) has the side effect of seizures.

I would have an EGG done  and not take no from the Neurologist.And they should also do a lot of blood work  on him.

for some reason teachers and doctors like to give out these drugs, that have all these bad side effects ,with out doing every test they can to find out what really is going on.
There are so many things that can go with the way a child is acting,they need to look at every thing.

To name a few  : landow kleffner syndrome  
                         lennox gastro syndrome

I also give my son omega 3 and b6 vitamins

And he still has seizures ,those medicines changed my little boy life for every and my family's life also. I would will never put him back on any medicine for his adhd or his add.
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