VERY HYPER DAUGHTER

[Monica5178]

I have got a 3 year old daughter and I do not even know where to begain!I really believe she is showing signs of ADHD.I know the 3 year old children act up and are full of energy,but this is TERRIBLE!She climbs on everything,I cannot get her to hold still for anything,she does not listen hardly at all!She cannot focus on anything hardly at one.She would RUN not stop if I would let her.She gets in conversations,she wants to hang on everything.When we go out to our car we literally have got to have a hold of her because if we do not she will just take off!I have been around many of three year olds and they are not like this and it upsets me.People laugh,I try to make jokes and laugh at people but really I am dieing!People have called her the spawn of satain and it breaks my heart.I just feel like she is out of control,she tears up my house I clean and clean and she does know better.Yes she is three but she is VERY smart.I also have a 7 month old son and I can already tell a BIG difference between the both of them!I would rather have 9 of my sons than put up with the way she acts..I can't take it I need help!Also,my husband was ans has been diagnossed with ADHD.Could this be part of it?

[Mommyof2sweetboyz]

I really appreciated your post.  I have a VERY active 2 yr old and reading your post made me feel much better and know that I am not alone.  My son is a very sweet little boy but gets SUPER HYPER in public to the point where it takes two or more people to keep up with him, he is non stop from the moment he gets to the public place to the moment we leave and does not want to sit for a single minute.  Other kids his age walk around or sit calmly but he is always on the go.  After reading your post and others with similar experiences, I think exposing our son to more public sittuations and enrolling him in daycare several days a week can help him adjust his behavior.  

It is very hurtful to have people give you weird looks or make comments, especially since the child can't help the way they are!!

[specialmom]

I am glad that you found the answer for your daughter and she is doing so much better now.  That is the bottom line.  I found what worked for my son.  He didn't have ADD/ADHD as the occupational therapy helped all of  his needs.  They can look so similar and as you stated both can be comorbid.  I had my eye out in the begining to see if my son responded to ot or not in terms of calming down.  He did----  so we are sticking with that.  I never treated children myself but worked in a practice that did deal with kids----  the general thought process in the psychiatric office I worked in (I'm a clinical psychologist) was that a true diagnosis of add/adhd wasn't given until the earliest age of 6 for the reason I stated above.  Toddlers can look so different and there is a wide range of normal just as there is in speech, as you know.  So we all speak from our own experience here and that was my professional experience.  I am always in favor, however, of an evaluation.  That is knowledge we need to help our kids.  And sometimes we are told (by a good doctor/therapist) that there is no delay present.  That is awesome when that happens and the way we handle our children changes at that point.  Medicating a child is a very personal decision and I've known a number of families in which their children are doing fantastic on medication.  I would recommend to any parent of a child under 6 to try all other routes first, however as that would always be prudent.  Just my opinion.  I didn't know if I would have to face medicating my child or not and would have at some point if it was necessary----  but low and behold, it is not.  I wouldn't take medication away from a child like yours, however, that is doing great on it.  I truly am glad that you've found the right path for happiness and success for your daughter.  That is what it is all about and we as parents of children who struggle are their advocates and greatest fans.  

I do agree with you completely that a child (especially one so young) needs to be seen by a psychiatrist that has either a specialty or subspecialty in treating children.  And if a child such as yours has sensory issues along with their add/adhd that those sensory issues are addressed as well.  All just my opinion.  Good luck to all.

[Mommyof02]

Hello,
I wanted to weigh in and give you some support.  My 5 year old daughter has been diagnosed with severe ADHD.  I have a 17 month old son and I too can see a huge difference in them even as infants.  My daughter was diagnosed with Sensory Intergration Disorder  (as specialmom discussed in her answer) but I think it has always been more of an ADHD component.  Children can have both!  I do disagree with specialmom though.  Your child sounds to be a danger to herself and is obviously not functionally socially as people are calling her "spawn of satan"  (pray for forgiveness)  Get her to a qualified Child Psychiatrist and have her tested for ADHD as soon as possible.  My child's life changed for the positive the day and moment she started medication for ADHD.  I do not recommend regular pediatricians treating and prescribing medicince for your daughter.  They will most likely give you questionaires to fill out and then prescribe whatever is the "newest craze" in ADHD medicine.  Go to a phychologist or psychiatrist that will do a battery of tests.  Sometimes (often) children don't have just one diagnosis.  Of course there are "natural" treatments and pros and cons for taking medicine but if you try it, you can always change it or stop.  Besides a little weight loss for my daughter the positives have FAR, FAR outweighed the negatives.  BTW...I'm a Speech-Langauge Pathologist who works with special needs children.  Good Luck!

[specialmom]

Oh yes, great idea allmymarbles!  I had "mommies helpers" a few years ago.  These are tweener kids about 11, 12 or 13 that come over for a couple of hours while you are still home but away from their activity.  It is great because kids of that age like to PLAY with little kids.  They will get your daughter running around FOR you!  You only pay them one to three dollars for the service and I did this a couple of times a week.  An all out babysitter is great too.  Then you get to leave and take a deep breath.  Mothering can be overwhelming!

[allmymarbles]

I am thinking about you irather than your daughter. You need some time away from her so you can relax and refresh yourself. Is there someone who can take over for you for a few hours a couple of days a week. With rest and diversion you will be better able to cope with a very difficult child. It will also be better for your child.

[specialmom]

Okay, deep breath.  You're not alone----  many moms are feeling the exact same way as you.  My two boys are 15 months apart and are now 4 and 5 and I do understand what you are going through.  Some kids ARE very active, busy and hyper.  They are by temperment.  That does not mean they are ADHD.  I know that isn't what you want to hear (by why would you want your child to have adhd?)------  but it is true.  ADHD should not be diagnosed until a child is at least 6 because there is so much variability in kids.  MANY kids are just as hyper as your daughter whether you notice it or not.  You are so busy with your own bundle of energy that you don't notice what other people's kids are doing.  

Does she go to preschool yet?  This will be good for her (and you for a break).  A half day program a couple of days a week would be excellent.  It would be good because you are going to hear how she stacks up developmentally vs her peers.  You'll also get outside ideas on how to handle it.  

FYI:  there are other things that result in this over activity.  My son has sensory integration disorder and is a sensory seeker.  He thinks it is fun to scale a high structure and jump.  He was in constant motion as well from an early age------  he started walking early and started running about two seconds after walking.  He met all milestones early or on time and is very smart.  But he has a dysfunctional nervous system------  a developmental delay called sensory.  Medication WILL NOT work for it.  It can look like add so I will always have to be his advocate to differentiate sensory integration disorder vs add/adhd.  We do occupational therapy once a week and lots and lots of things at home.  This calms his system down.  I also have another son 15 months younger than my sensory son.  He is a bundle of energy as well.  He does not have a delay.  That is why I know that some kids are just hyper and energetic by temperment.  It was in preschool that my older son was spotted by an excellent teacher that said she saw signs of sensory in him.  He was 3 1/2 at the time and started occupational therapy at 4 and now at almost 6, is doing awesome!  

Here are some things to try that will not hurt your daughter in anyway and is good for all kids.  And if she has sensory or add (add and sensory both are nervous system delays),  this could really help her.  Focas on physical activity.  Get her running (yes, you plan it)----  jumping and climbing.  Go to parks weather permitting as much as possible.  Run laps around the house.  Jump on a trampoline or a pile of pillows or mattress on the floor.  Do crazy animal walks with crab, bear, frog hops, and snake incorporated.  roll down hills,  SWIMMING is perfect, skipping, wheelbarrow walks, etc.  Before you go somewhere-----  get this physical activity in.  Give her a piece of gum to chew on the way and have her spit it out when you get there.  (that chewing action is calming to the nervous system.  My son has a piece on the way to the bus stop).  Have her carry a bag of heavy books across the room (heavy as in she's 3----  so not too heavy), have her push a laundry basket with something in it across the floor, play tug of war.  Think I'm crazy?  My son does this stuff each and every day and it calms him.  I know you have a 7 month old.  But you can do this.  I had two kids------ and my son that is 15 months younger than his brother just does it all too or goes along for the ride.  Give it a try.

Lastly, try to change your attitude about your daughter.  If she does have add/adhd or sensory-----  she needs your understanding and compassion more than ever.  My son's worst days in which he gives me a run for my money and I want to hide in a hole are the days that HE actually feels his worst.  It's not his fault------  so I try to always make sure he feels love while he is getting the tools he needs to cope.  You will have a daughter that will maybe take more time than other kids do-----  but so what.  That is what we sign on for when we have kids.  All my friends that were bundled up inside yesturday during the bitter cold we had and dusting of snow . . .well, I was hiking with my son before his afternoon kindergarten class enjoying the beautiful peaceful scenary.  MY friends with the easy kids missed out!!  So  your life is what you make of it and it is all perspective.  And any friend that calls your child the spawn of saten is no friend.  That isn't funny at all.  Your daughter can't help how she is.  

So give her outlets for this energy and do some nervous system directed activities and see if you get any improvement.  good luck!