What's wrong with me?

[SomeStoner]

Allright so I'm 19 years old and I just want to find out what's wrong with me. So, starting from the begining, i was born 2 and a half months premature, I weight 4 and a half pounds and i've been underweight my whole life. I've had my fair share of drugs ( expesially marijuana ) and there's alot of mental disorders in my family. Allright so anyways, about 6 months ago I got really high and put the thought in my head that I might be retarted. I've been dwelling on it ever sence. Just reciently I started looking into add pi. And social anxiety. I think It might be a combination of everything but I'm not sure. I have a really hard time consitrating, expesially in conversation. My mind just goes blank and I don't know what to say. Sometimes, expesially in groups, I don't say a word. I get nervous when I try to speak and mix up my words alot. The longer I go being quiet the more uncomfortable I become and it just makes it even harder for me to get a word out. Sometimes when I just don't have anything to say I'll get nervous and just randomly spit something out. Either just state the obvious or say something stuiped. Witch leads to some awcaword moments. The more Im thinking what's wrong with me the worse it gets. I have really low self esteem, no motivation, no energy, and I would say I'm probably depressed. That last part has gotten better. My girls been a big help, and I just got a job. But around a month ago I was having really bad problems with the depression part. I was having suicidal thought. They were more like "I wish I didn't make it threw my birth thoughts. but I fried the other day and I could think was how off I was, how different I was from others, why the **** am I this way? And then I had some acual suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to be alive anyway. (I'm done with that drug because of the way I was thinking) but I think it was kind of a turn around point. Or at least a start. I've been happier the last few days because everthings been going pretty right. I still feel like there's definitly something wrong with me but my deppressions has calmed down.  I know for the most part the deppressions just how off I feel. But yeah if anyone has any input about what's wrong with me I'd be glad to hear it

[nikkie1580]

You need to see a eval from a mental health dr. or physiologist that the first step and get a dx.Then the can treat you in the correct way with therapy meds or a combo of both.You can have more then one mental disorder dx to I am not a dr but it sound like a combo of add, social anxiety, and depression.I sorry you are going through this and i am sure the drugs are making it worse you need to stay away from them.And if you are having suicidal thought you need to see a dr right away even if your medical dr the can get you a referral to a mental health dr. and you can be seen faster.I think you do need help form a professional and you girlfriend seem to help but you can not do it by yourself and you also do not want to put it all on her, she not a professional and only can help so much.

[tschock]

Sounds like social anxiety disorder hun.
You really need to see a doctor about this.
You could be bi-polar,you could have ADD,you could have...tons of things. So seeing a doctor is VERY important.
You would be amazed what an anti-depressant,anti-anxiety drug,or just talking to a doctor can do for you.
Tell the doctor everything you've said here. Ask him/her about being tested for ADD/ADHD.

Good luck!