concerned mother of a 3 year old

[jamie671]

I've been looking into other cases of ADD/ADHD and I am concerned about my 3 year old son. From what I had read, my son's behavior is the same as majority of the symptoms. To understand my question this is my situation. My son's father and I are no longer together and has been taking turns spending time with him. I have him weekdays and his father has him on weekends. Lately, my son has been constantly telling lies about either household members. He has the habit of blaming other people when he gets hurt by playing. Sometimes he blames people who were not around when the incident happened. For instance, if my son falls down while playing and gets a scrape on his knees, I would ask him "What happened?"  his response would be...."Mommy, my dad hurt me" or "Mommy, my cousin pushed me."  even though neither one of them were present at the time he got hurt. And when he with his father and being questioned by him, my son's response would be different from what he had told me first. He would tell his father that "Mommy did it." I have tried to correct him and let him know what really happened so that he can understand the difference between the truth and a lie. However, with many attempts of correcting him, it seems as if it is not working and also getting worse. My question...Is compulsive lying a symptom of ADD/ADHD for my 3 year old?

[Sandman2]

   Lying is (and can be) a form of self protection.  When you are being constantly blamed for things you do (and really don't have control over), you seek to find ways to get around the blame.  Lying is one of the ways.  So yes, lying is a common thread among ADHD kids.  This forum is full of threads of parents writing in with the same complaint.
   I have learned that in dealing with kids not to dwell on the why, but to focus on the present - "are you hurt".  What can I do to help. and the the future, " any way to avoid this."   Hope this helps.

[princess_payne]

That is so crazy, my 35 month old did the samething, doing something wrong or getting hurt on her own or even when she was doing something that was ok to be doing. She would blame it on someone else most of the time on her big brothers even if they were right there with me or someone who is not even around it was never clear to me why she did it! At first it made me upset with her but her going into time out did not help at all it just continued to get worse! So i started to explain to her, what she was doing how the blame`e wasnt even here.I also said some other things that came to me at the time o yea and i talked to her like i was talking to a child much older cuz 3yo's understand alot more than people give them credit for<> I did that EVERYTIME for months!! It was hard to stick with with it so everyone in the house helped if her brothers heard her and i didnt they told her how it was wrong!
                                   I also had an experance like the other one u wrote about! But i would like to ask u a couple questions about your case, if u dont mind to answer!?~~~ Do you think his Dad pumps him for info on or about you? Do u think he talks bad about u to your son? Or maybe he could over hear him talking bad about to someone else? When he tells your ex you are the 1 who made that mark on him, what kind of reaction does your sons dad give him? The reason im asking u these questions is to help u understand why your son is doing these things!! HOPE I CAN HELP!! AND HOPE I DID HELP ON THE 1ST PART!!!

[jamie671]

First of all, thank you for the reply. I really thought that I was the only one going through this. Anyways, about your questions. I do believe that my son's dad does try to get info about me. I also don't think that its only the dad doing this, I also believe its his dad's wife too. As for my son saying bad things about me...Im not too sure if he does or not. As for your last question, I do not know about that. I don't see how he is with my boy or speak to him at all. I don't know much about his life but he tends to know much about mine.
The thing is whenever its time for him to go to his dad, he would either cry or tell me that he doesn't want to go to his dad. He tends to bring up excuses so that he don't go. I know that my son doesn't enjoy spending time with his dad and I wonder "why?"
I am going through a serious situation and I really need to find out whether or not my son does have ADD/ADHD. He does not seem like himself and also is very different since he started going to his dad.

[Sandman2]

   Thank you for the added info.  Please remember he is only 3 years old and is really just " a baby".  Leaving his mom has gotta be hard for him.  I would imagine that his Dads routine is different then the one he is used to and that makes it even more difficult.  3 year olds don't adapt to change very easily.  There world is very small.
   ADHD is not usually diagnosed at 3.  And I don't think that is the trouble here.  It may be later on, but not now.  In a perfect world, Dad would find a way to make a 3 year old's life seem really special on his visits.  In reality,  thats kind of tough if Dad is working all week and has a life of his own.  I think that both you and Dad need to take a look at what he does on the weekend and see if any changes can be made which make him feel more "at home."  I think this is a situation that will get better as he ages.  It is possible that for the time being, he shouldn't be away from you quite as long?    Frankly, I am not an expert on making 3 year olds feel more comfortable, but I do think that, the weekend experience is the problem.  If he has only been doing it for 5 or 6 times, it may get better as he becomes used to it, but that is still tough for a 3 year old.  Anyway, I really wouldn't spend much time (now) on ADHD.  You might see if there is another forum that deals with child visitations and how to make it work for all involved.   Good Luck!!

[Melissa0116]

I agree with Sandman2 and i would definitely not focus on ADHD since children are not diagnosed til the age of 5 and he still is so little.  I would ask this in the CHild Behavior forum since they deal more with behavior and how to deal with them in all children not just ADHD children.  It is a really good community and I think they would really be able to help you more.  

[tejodouro]

Listen to Sandman2. He is always wise and right.  I deal with ADHD kids and they do not lie.  So, just because he lies, it does not mean he has ADHD.  If he is running out of control, pushing other kids at the park and backyard, not focusing more than 2 minutes on an activity, not listening to you when you ask him to pick up a toy, than he might show early signs of ADD/ADHD. But as Sandman tells you, and even if he is showing these charcteristics, it is too early to say he has ADHD.  Even normal 3 year olds run wild, push other kids....Lieing is part of the seapration situation between you and your ex. Treat him without questions and you will see his lieing go away.  Good luck.