help on how to make my son focus

[wayti2000]

How can I help my son focus in school? He is 7 years old and the teacher always telle me that she has to keep reminding him to focus on his work.  Even in meal time, I have to constantly have to remind him to keep chewing because the food is just stuck inside his mouth.  If he's not talking story, he'd be watching TV while eating and forgets to chew his food.  It would take almost everytime to finish his meal in 1 hour.  

His very loving and caring.  Very thoughtful also.  And not being able to focus is my only complain about him.  I want to help him.

[Sandman2]

   My first question is does he have the same problem when he is eating and not watching TV.?  How long does it take him to finish his homework?  Is he super bored with school?   In other words there can be other reasons why he is not focusing.  But to answer your question.. . . .
   I am sorry but at your son's age, there is very little that you can do to help him focus in school simply because you are not there with him.  There is a lot your teacher can do to help him if she has the experience and the desire.
   Since you are writing to an ADHD forum, you must have some hints that this may be a cause of his problems.  This is how you can help him.  At 7, his lack of concentration is probably only slowing down his reading progress (depending on innate intelligence).  By 10 or 11, this will destroy his math chances.  Sooner or later, you will need to start dealing with this problem.  You need to find out if it is ADHD and make some choices.  If it is not ADHD, then the child behavior forum can help.  Good luck!!

[wayti2000]

Thank you for your reponse Sandman2.  The answer to your first question is yes.  If he is eating and not watching TV, and I just left him alone on the table, it would still take forever for him to finish his food.  He finishes his work in 1 1/2 that is if we're there sitting with him.  Not doing it for him but just sitting there to make sure his doing it and doing it correctly.  I don't think he's bored in school.  I don't hear him complain about it.

His teacher I think is irritated based on my observation on the things that she wrote on his report card.  SHe said that my son need to focus more.  She also said that he needs to be more respectful because I guss she told him more than twice to focus on his work and not to talk to his classmates.  His kindergarten teacher said that my son is very meticulous with his work that's why it takes him long time to finish his work. He writes very neatly and when he draws, he is very detailed.  

He is very good in math though.  The only thing the teacher is complaining about is that she has to keep reminding him to focus on his work.  And also, his writing skills the teacher would get mad if he only writes " I'm happy when I went to the park".  She's not happy with it because she would want him to write " I'm happy when I went to the park because I get to play in the slide."  So I'm not really sure what to do.

[Sandman2]

    I can understand your confusion.  And it doesn't sound like the current teacher will necessarily be helpful.  Still if she can gently remind him its time to focus that would be helpful.  Usually that is worked out with a signal between them (they have to communicate on this).  Your son needs to understand that the teacher is doing this to help him, and she needs to be patient.  If your teacher has been teaching for a while, you might get her observation on where your son is in terms of focus compared to other kids she has worked with.  You also might ask some of the other parents in the room how long it takes their child to do the homework.
   It sounds like your son has good intelligence, and it may just be a wait and watch situation until he learns to focus or until his inability to focus begins to impact his education and his life.  For example 1 and1/2 hours of homework now, could be 4 hours by 5th grade and that will effect all of you.  Kids with intelligence do well with math in the early grades, its when you have to start stringing together the steps for long division or adding unlike fractions that problems begin to show up.  Its usually because they missed some of the steps along the way and they can't "see" the answer anymore.
   Anyway, I would talk with your teacher to see if she can help out.  Check with other parents to see how long homework takes for their child.  Carefully monitor the situation next year.   Good Luck!

[wayti2000]

Thank you for your response.  I appreciate it.

I had a talk with my son last week regarding him focusing in school and with his food.  I don't know if my approach is correct but it seems to be working.  For the past  5 days now, I noticed that he's the first one to finish his food.  He would come up to me and tell me, " are you proud of me mommy?" and I will tell him "I'm very proud of you.  See how easy it is to finish your food.  Now you can have fun and not be the last one on the table while everybody is finished and having fun".

About focusing in school. I would tell him, when you find yourself talking to your classmates instead of working on your classroom work, remind yourself that mommy said to focus and finish your work first because when you finish your work and you get ME's (meeting with excellence) Grandpa will give you three dollars.  No scolding and everybody is happy.  And so far he's been doing good.  

I hope it continues to be that way.  

[unique25]

My sweet son has changed.Oh My! From the time my son entered High school he changed. He talks back.Lies , lies, Direspectiful in school and home,and he even talks like a thug. I am so scraed. He talks back(which he never did before).He doesn"t even kiss me goodnight .....which he use to do everynight. I am doing everything in my power to be patient with him ...but to no avail......ANY ADVICE.

[Sandman2]

   Hi Unique, guess what - what you are going through is not really unique.  This is something that boys will do when they start going to high school.  Kinda goes with the whole puberty thing.  Doesn't excuse the behavior - and that behavior may continue if you don't deal with it.
   What you need to do is start a whole new topic for yourself.  I would also do it on the Child Behavior Forum which is more appropriate then this for your problem.  This is a problem that has solutions.  Good luck!

[k92]

my son had the same problems in school what he needs is reinforcement and praise
also there is a questionare that can be filled out by you and teachers. so u can help him together. my son is now 19 he graduated high school  thank god but it was a struggle for him. i tried all diff meds and he always complained of making him sick to his stomach.
my son lacked good self esteem. it is very inportant to him that u let him know that he is doing his very best and that u  r proud of him. ive made lots of mistakes with my son but i cant look back at that now. im grateful to how far he has come and will continue on his path to success. i hope u have good luck with your son  and getting him a helpful teacher. u can email i can go into more detail take care and god bless u and your son.

[k92]

by the way it his god given right to have the best education and extra help if needed.your schoolboard should help with this ask them to test him. good luck

[wayti2000]

Thanks K92.  You can email me more and give more suggestions .. that would be helpful.  ***@****