i have hit a brick wall and i don't know what to do now..

Hi, my son, calub, is almost 6 years old and very aware of what is expected of him both at home and at school. Calub has never been the type of child to not listen when he is spoken to, and in the past has always done what he's told when he's told to do it! However, in the past few months, he has been getting notes sent home from school stressing that he is not listening or following directions at school. I found that interesting because at home he has been having the same problem. When i tell him to do something, he is either forgetting VERY QUICKLY or simply choosing to do what he has been told to do on his own time. He gets a chance to express how he was feeling at school, and a chance to explain what happened, but half of the time, he don't remember or he just sits there and looks at us and says nothing. We started by giving him a time out to think about what he has done( 1 min per year of age!), then we started to add time onto that when the problems kept up, we even tried spanking, but nothing is working. He is not violent, it just seems like he forgets what he is told the second that he hears it.. i don't know what to do from here...could he b ADD?  i don't feel that he is ADHD because he is not hyper...well, not out of the ordinary for his age.. PLEASE HELP!! What should i do?

[LRM1021]

Few thoughts here....
If this is his first year of school, and he was never in a situation like this before, it might make sense to get him tested or evaluated by a professional, because sometimes children can have ADHD without the H -- and this does not manifest itself until school comes into play, and the children begin acting out due to frustration. If you think he might be having any difficulty academically at school this would be a bit more evidence that this should be evaluated.

If this is not his first year at school, or if school started fine and then he changed, and also if he is not having any academic problems, then ADHD seems less likely. However, you should still probably have a professional evaluate him to see what is going on and why he is acting like he is.

My son has ADHD and he goes through phases like this. We have found that positive reinforcement-- lots of praise and rewards when he does what is expected -- works well with him. We also combine this with time out or loss of points when he breaks rules. But more on the positive than the negative....

One more thing-- I have read that 6 year olds do go through a phase of being somewhat oppositional-- so this could be a contributing factor. But I understand your frustration -- getting notes home all the time from school is troubling....been there!!!

[LaChryle]

I found your comment very informative!!!  I was wondering if I shoudl start going to meetings/support groups my son has not been dx ADD or ADHD but he is very hyperactive and has problems staying on task.  Have you found support groups or other things helpful if so Please share!
Thanks!
-LaChryle

Below is my post with a recent concern:

My Son is 6 yrs old and We moved here to Nebraska from houston in June!  His behavior has been an on going issue.  Somethings like talking outloud in class or not really paying attention are previous issues.  BUt Lately He has been lying all the time.  Any time he thinks it will either help him fit in , or get him out of trouble he lies.  I'm not sure what will help him understand He shouldn't do it.  He has been taught from day one not to lie or steal adn to treat others as you want to be treated.  But he continues to lie!  And now he is "stealing" taking things that don't belong to him or he shouldn't touch! The rule is you do not touch what does not belong to you; we keep our hands to ourselves, and we always tell the truth-no matter what! Every blue moon we have progress but it is negated by a mound of actions later. We have spanked, done time outs, cleared his room- as a consequence, explained why not to, talked to see why he's doing it!  His response to everything is I don't know or because I wanted...   My son is very intelligent but his behavior is becoming a distraction in his class.  His teacher and I talk Every day God thankyou for His teacher!  We have regular meetings.  But his behavior has transpired to the class room just his week he was caught eating candy that he took from her filing cabinet!  and when she sat to talk with him, she mentioned other things that had turned up missing throughout the year and he admitted to have taken them!  At this rate I feel my son is headed down a very troublesome path he is only 6 and I don't know what to do cuz Nothing seems to work!

----Sincerely,
Very Concerned Mother!

[LRM1021]

To the comment on support groups-- to be truthful, I have not found an in person support group in my area. What I do have are:
-- a terrific teacher (like you) -- that makes ALL the difference
-- a terrific school -- I love this school love it love it love it-- cannot say enougth how grateful to God I am for this school
-- a great pediatrician-- who listens, responds homestly, and helps, ant
-- a son who really really wants to behave, and do well-- but can get discouraged.

I find on line support groups helpful-- there are several that I use-- to get new ideas.
I find behavior rewards to be the best thing to encourage following directions -- but they do need to be switched up now and then or they get stale and don't work.