Aa
i'm my daughters last friend
my husband and i addopted a little girl with adhd. currently on meds for focus problems in school.However she has never been completely toilet trained.3rd grader still poops and wets her clothing and will stay soiled until someone brings it to her attention.Her reply is ,that she didn"t know until she was told,that she had had an accident.Is it possible that she is sincere that she dosent feel the discomfort?We have tried everything from timeout,to looseing priviledges.Nothing works.Kids are really picking on her in school,and i am so frustrated i dont know what to do to help her.Please any answers?
Hi, I think when you said you've tried everything from time outs to losing privileges is what made me think that she is indeed discplined for this. Is that incorrect? I'm glad that you don't!! As I think that would compound the emotional component to it.
I'm also glad to hear that you are seeing a psychologist well, that SHE is seeing a psychologist.
I'd work with the idea of reminders and rewards at school.
Do you need help with building friendship ideas, I have many. One is to plan some one on one playdates at your home with a child the teacher identifies as being most receptive to her. Then you supervise, remind about the bathroom and you can do that with a signal you work out ahead of time rather than saying it out loud. Then help her with social skills throughout the play date. Keep it at 2 hours tops and make it big fun for them. good luck
I'm also glad to hear that you are seeing a psychologist well, that SHE is seeing a psychologist.
I'd work with the idea of reminders and rewards at school.
Do you need help with building friendship ideas, I have many. One is to plan some one on one playdates at your home with a child the teacher identifies as being most receptive to her. Then you supervise, remind about the bathroom and you can do that with a signal you work out ahead of time rather than saying it out loud. Then help her with social skills throughout the play date. Keep it at 2 hours tops and make it big fun for them. good luck
You must have misunderstood.She dosent come home in trouble.She comes home troubled that she"s being called names,by classmates.And I would never do anything at that point but hug her and try to reasure her that we(she and I )would work together to find a solution to help her focus better on her bathroom visits.She is currently on concerta 54 mgs and i give her omega 3 soft chews,with this dose of concerta,she has trouble sleeping so we got her some melatonin 1 at the gnc store..The time outs and loss of priviledges were what the doctor suggested when i asked him for help.His words were "some parents think we have a special pill,when the parents needs to do somethings themselves."Thats when I contacted the psycologist,for her and myself ,so I could better understand what she must be going thru.I have read many articals on line,ordered many books,and read them and still daily this suprises and confuses me.I just want her to be able to live a happy,and comfortable,life.those may not have been the best words but,shes my world.
Hi, what age did you adopt her? Could she have some emotional distress as well??
At our school, the teacher does some planned bathroom breaks and expects everyone to try and go at that time. There are two of those at least during the 6.5 hour day. And then kids sign themselves out to go at other times---- I'm wondering if the teacher couldn't ask her to go every hour on the hour. Doesn't have to make a big deal out of it, she just can tap her on the shoulder as a cue to head to the bathroom. Surely, she won't miss that be able to catch it if she goes to the bathroom on a schedule like that.
What do you do at home to remind her?
And I agree so much with Sandman. A child like her doesn't want to do this and to suffer the sadness of going on herself in public, not have friends, etc. and then to come home to be in trouble for it---- she needs a hug, not a time out in my opinion. This isn't a displinary issue. She's not trying to soil herself, I'm sure.
Have you ever considered a psychologist for her?
Well, good luck. my heart does break for this little girl. If you want any ideas for building friendships, let me know. We've worked really hard to help my son in this area and have had some success. I'm happy to share if you'd like. Peace
At our school, the teacher does some planned bathroom breaks and expects everyone to try and go at that time. There are two of those at least during the 6.5 hour day. And then kids sign themselves out to go at other times---- I'm wondering if the teacher couldn't ask her to go every hour on the hour. Doesn't have to make a big deal out of it, she just can tap her on the shoulder as a cue to head to the bathroom. Surely, she won't miss that be able to catch it if she goes to the bathroom on a schedule like that.
What do you do at home to remind her?
And I agree so much with Sandman. A child like her doesn't want to do this and to suffer the sadness of going on herself in public, not have friends, etc. and then to come home to be in trouble for it---- she needs a hug, not a time out in my opinion. This isn't a displinary issue. She's not trying to soil herself, I'm sure.
Have you ever considered a psychologist for her?
Well, good luck. my heart does break for this little girl. If you want any ideas for building friendships, let me know. We've worked really hard to help my son in this area and have had some success. I'm happy to share if you'd like. Peace
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, do I feel for your little girl. And for you - your post title is heartbreaking.
First, kids with ADHD do have trouble with toilet training. This study might interest you - http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/752076?src=nl_topic
I think the most important part is the last sentence where it says - "Dr. Jensen told Reuters Health that physicians and parents need to have more patience in treating wetting problems among children with ADHD.
"In clinical practice," he and his colleagues said, "children with (incontinence) and ADHD have a much lower response rate to treatment than those with incontinence alone due to a lower compliance."
Point being it is more difficult to train a child with ADHD. And since I don't know how long you have been with her, I would imagine that her toilet training has suffered in your absence.
And this brings up the most important point. She needs training - not punishment! With timeouts and losing privileges you are dealing with the situation after the fact. You need to be working on the training. Punishing won't (and obviously hasn't ) work!
Part of the solution lies with the school. The teacher needs to be more proactive in getting her to the bathroom. In fact, many kids at this age level don't want to go into the bathroom during recess or lunch due to the other kids in there. Thus they hold it until too late. What is the teacher's policy about going during class time. There are still teachers that make such a big deal out of going (or only let them go once a week, etc), that the kids are reluctant to go during class time. So the first order of business is to talk to the teacher and see what is going on - and then to make sure that the teacher is helping you.
Does she feel the discomfort? She may - but being the new kid in school (here again, don't know how long she has been with you) she may not want to bring attention to herself. Or her meds may be wearing off.
One thing you definitely need to find out is when this is happening. It makes a big difference in terms of helping her.
And, of course, this should be reported to her doctor. It may well be that her meds are not helping her anymore.
But, I think the main thing I want to say is that your title of the post bothers me a lot. That is so sad! and it shouldn't be that way. There is a tremendous amount that you and the school can do to help her. I have a ton or resources that can help you do that. My best suggestion I have right now - since I have so little information is to get the book - "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. Its about 10 bucks through Amazon. It will cover ways for you and the school to help her. It is a very valuable resource.
Specifically, I may be able to help more if I knew her age and birthday. How long she has been with you. What med she now is on. What kind of a doctor you are working with.
I am so glad you posted - things can get much better!!!
First, kids with ADHD do have trouble with toilet training. This study might interest you - http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/752076?src=nl_topic
I think the most important part is the last sentence where it says - "Dr. Jensen told Reuters Health that physicians and parents need to have more patience in treating wetting problems among children with ADHD.
"In clinical practice," he and his colleagues said, "children with (incontinence) and ADHD have a much lower response rate to treatment than those with incontinence alone due to a lower compliance."
Point being it is more difficult to train a child with ADHD. And since I don't know how long you have been with her, I would imagine that her toilet training has suffered in your absence.
And this brings up the most important point. She needs training - not punishment! With timeouts and losing privileges you are dealing with the situation after the fact. You need to be working on the training. Punishing won't (and obviously hasn't ) work!
Part of the solution lies with the school. The teacher needs to be more proactive in getting her to the bathroom. In fact, many kids at this age level don't want to go into the bathroom during recess or lunch due to the other kids in there. Thus they hold it until too late. What is the teacher's policy about going during class time. There are still teachers that make such a big deal out of going (or only let them go once a week, etc), that the kids are reluctant to go during class time. So the first order of business is to talk to the teacher and see what is going on - and then to make sure that the teacher is helping you.
Does she feel the discomfort? She may - but being the new kid in school (here again, don't know how long she has been with you) she may not want to bring attention to herself. Or her meds may be wearing off.
One thing you definitely need to find out is when this is happening. It makes a big difference in terms of helping her.
And, of course, this should be reported to her doctor. It may well be that her meds are not helping her anymore.
But, I think the main thing I want to say is that your title of the post bothers me a lot. That is so sad! and it shouldn't be that way. There is a tremendous amount that you and the school can do to help her. I have a ton or resources that can help you do that. My best suggestion I have right now - since I have so little information is to get the book - "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. Its about 10 bucks through Amazon. It will cover ways for you and the school to help her. It is a very valuable resource.
Specifically, I may be able to help more if I knew her age and birthday. How long she has been with you. What med she now is on. What kind of a doctor you are working with.
I am so glad you posted - things can get much better!!!
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