my 11 year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. He has been taking Adderall (adderrall) which helps him get through the school day. He is doing great in school. He does struggle with friends. This morning he returned home from an overnight scout activity which he was excited to be able to attend. A scout leader later came to my door saying my son has threatened to stab another child if that child did not do what my son said. I confronted my son about this. He said the other boys were being mean and not allowing him to play so he did say this. I can tell he is remorseful about saying such things, but this is not the first time. He has told a neighborhood teen he was going to shoot him for bullying my son. My son can be so sweet and loving, especially to his family. I have noticed these horrible things he says are when someone is bullying him or not allowing him to join in an activity. I have talked to my son about this before and he knows it is not an excuse. I am worried my son is going to get into serious trouble if not hurting someone else because of these fits of irrational thinking. I don't know what to do anymore.
I am sorry to hear that. I am sure it might have spoiled a good trip. Perhaps, that is the lesson. He was the one who got into trouble, and yet, it should have been the other boys. He needs to learn to ask adults for help. That is not an easy thing to do. It is even tougher when you have ADHD and can be impulsive. As he grows older he will gain more control. Is he on the extended version of Adderall (adderrall)?
I think (hope) that what he has been saying is much more talk then action. At this age that would not be unusual. The thing to stress to him is that you are there for him. Hopefully, his teachers and scout leaders are also. Getting the adults to help him will help him achieve his goals, where as doing it by himself may only get him in trouble. Also DO practice with him ways to verbally defend himself without making threats. For example, using "I" statements - "I don't like it when". "I will tell an adult, if this continues."
And, of course, why did the boys not allow him to play? Some times its a good idea to set up play dates with just him and one other child and kind of coach him along. If you can get him to role play what happened and then experiment with other ways to deal with the matter, I think that you will find that very helpful. Finally, here is a very good link that will give you numerous more ideas on social skills - http://www.additudemag.com/resource-center/friendships-for-adhd-kids.html
Hope this helps. good Luck and let us know what works the best!
If you feel that your son may become violent and follow through with his violent statements, you might want to have him evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP. The school counselor might be able to provide this service. Schools these days take these violent verbalizations very seriously. It is extremely important to find out whether he is making these statements just to get an immediate reaction in hopes of rectifying conflicts or if his intent is to become violent and hurt others.
Likewise, you need to discipline your son at home for inappropriate verbalizes. It is important for him to learn more effective methods to cope with social conflicts. Again, this is where the mental health professional could be of assistance.
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