my best friends son is having issues. he cant stop talking or making noises even when told to be quiet. he cant do a simple task without getting distracted right away. he will not stay seated for more then 2 seconds( thats not exaggerated either,) he never listens to his mom. she can put him in his room, spank him, take things away. you name it, none of it works. hes constantly getting into trouble at school, for all the same things he does at home. the school wont set up an I.E.P. meeting because they think its "just a phase." my friend dosnt have the money to take him to see a psychologist for an evaluation, and her insurance dosn't cover things like that. i constantly hear her yelling at the top of her lungs for him to listen, nothing she does works. she dosnt know what to do. i dont ever think iv seen a kid act anything like the way he acts. its like his brain is going 100,000,000 miles an hour! is there anything she can try that dosnt require a doctor or having to spend alot of money? any help would be greatly appreciated. i dont want her to cry all the time anymore.
thank you--- Lis
hello i'm a mother mysefl..and I know how busy boys can be..if he is so active she need to take him to the park more so he can tire himself out..maybe he is bored with the same routine...grown ups too gets bored with the same routine too...everything is not about taking a child to get madication...to calm them down...young people have energy and kids have more..but as a mother before i go runing to the doctor to find out why he is running around so much...I would work on it...not a lot of kids can express what they are feeling..so as their mother.we have to watch and learn what we can do different so we can be in tune our childrens own personality....get him something different to play with...take him to a museum...but dont give up...or be fustrated...be grateful he is running around and playing...sure it will drive you a little nuts...but its better to see him running around...because if he was sick and not running around you and your friend will really worry...thats the only time a parent should worrie...when their children distant and quiet...thats your friend two heads are better than one...
Thanks for the information.
Many times these types of behavior can be almost normal if the child is 5 or 6. Sometimes, if they are the youngest in their grade level it is possible.
At this age and grade, its not normal. Hard to believe the school thinks its a phase. Wonder how his teacher last year felt? Wait - is he in a new school this year? By the way, its very easy to force the school to start the IEP process. All it takes is a written request to the principal for special education testing. They must start it within a certain time period. I would do it as soon as possible, so you don't have to go through this next year.
I highly suggest that your friend buys the book, "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley. It will tell you how this process works. But more importantly it will give her lots of good ways to work with and help her child. She will find that things like spanking a ADHD child is not effective and will learn discipline ways that are. It also has some very good information that will help her decide if he does have something like ADHD. She can order the book through Amazon, and its pretty cheap (paperback) - but is worth many, many times the cost.
School wise - since things are beginning to wind down - I would try and start the process as soon as possible.
I can provide online sites that are also helpful. And if you have any more questions, please post! Thanks for being a good friend.
I agree with Sandman. The book is a wonderful way to start. It'll help her understand what her child is going thru. He's not acting out because he's bad. He needs help. If you can catch it and start to help him learn how to cope when he's young, he'll be so much better off when he gets to highschool and beyond.
The child needs help, but so does Mom. No amount of yelling or punishment is going to fix the problem. They need to learn..together. Hopefully, she'll understand better after she reads the book.
And make that school take you seriously! His regular doctor can diagnose ADHD. She might not be able to afford the medication (which helps so much) but the diagnosis will help you with the school.
thank you guys so much for responding so quickly. the area that we live in is a very,... well let me just say, its thought to be a low class area. my daughter goes to school in another district. she got all the attention she needed right away because i gave her school my brothers address. so i guess the more "upper class" district you live in, the more the school is willing to do. i dont know. my friend has had nothing but problems with her sons school since the first year he started. i herd from other neighbors(before i started looking at schools for my daughter) that the local school was crap. i went to the school and talked with some of the staff and was very disappointed with there lack of standards, there inability to answer my questions, and there overall dispositions. i made the choice to flub the school system so that my kid would receive the care and treatment she needed. i told my friend that if the school will not help, then we need to find another way of getting him what he needs. it seems to me that this school is just trying to push the kids who need extra help and attention, off to the side. she has writtin letters, personally talked to the principal, and i believe she has even gone to the district office. nothing is being done. they want a psyc evaluation before they will set up an i.e.p.. she cant afford it. she went to the kids doctor and got a mild prescription for adhd. she didnt know what else to do. so far the meds havent had an effect on him. but like i said, it was a very mild dose. she cant put him in a different school for a number of reasions. (theres too many to list) i just dont know what else can be done. i lucked out with my daughters school situation. i could get in a lot of trouble, but i wanted what was best for her. we thought about home school, but its just not possible for her, and she thinks it would do more harm then good. thanx for listening and responding,---Lis
All of the above are good reasons to get the book I recommended.
For example on page 82, Ashley says, "send a written request for an evaluation to the school principal." (I would also send a copy to the special ed office). By law, the school must respond within 15 days. If the request is denied, then you can actually file for a formal "due process hearing." (p 86).
However, he probably won't qualify for special ed - but it will certainly get the schools attention. What she definitely wants to do is to request a Section 504 meeting (p. 76) which he should qualify for. A 504 plan will force the teachers to give him some of the help he needs in the classroom. Also in the back of her book on page 242, she gives lists of the types of accommodations to ask for in the school.
By the way, the district does the psyc evaluation in an IEP situation.
The meds she got are probably worth trying. Tell her that any good doctor will start off with a low dose to see how the child reacts. They expect the parent to get back to them with information on how the child is doing, and then they will raise the dose. Some meds take longer for the result to be seen, some are instantaneous. What type of a med was he put on? You/her should google the med anyway to see what the expectations are. But tell her to keep her doctor informed. I believe that a week is usually the longest it takes for a non stimulant. A stimulant med will be a very fast response. If he is on a stimulant, she needs to get back to the doctor. By the way, I can also give you a web site that will tell you all that you will ever need to know about medication for adhd.
Having said that, meds are just a part of the answer. How she treats and works with him (and how the school does) is far and away more important. Get the book, its only $10 through Amazon.
A web site that will also provide more help is
You may have to help your friend through this. It sounds like she is very frustrated and giving up. If she can't help him, nobody will. Also, he is at an age where if he doesn't get help soon, things are going to start seriously going down hill. Thanks for getting back to us. We are here if you need us.
thank you so much for all the info. a side note about my friend,.... she is not the type to give up on anything. she has been through so much and been strong for everyone, not just herself. her oldest son has C.P.. and autism, and he is def. she has health issues of her own as well, and the doctors are not doing all that they can for her. everything has just been snowballing on her. i think she is just starting to get complacent with things. anyway,... thank you again, and ill be in touch!--- Lis
It's tough to handle boys -- especially in certain socio-economic environments. It can be even harder when the school is non-reponsive or, worse yet, looking to medication as a disciplinary measure.
She probably cannot afford to go through the therapy in the above-referenced books, either (even though it would likely be cheape in the long run). She can, however, enforce a similar behavoir modification program. Screaming and yelling rarely works. However, praise for every small accomplishment (patiently waiting to ask for a drink when mom is on the phone) and un-dramatic punishment (my favorite is scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush) for every misdeed works wonders.
I'll have to check out those books - they are new to me.
Agree with a lot of your points. Do believe in un-dramatic punishment. Kind of think that scrubbing a toilet with a toothbrush is pretty dramatic however.
thanx for the advise.... the prob with that is, she has two other boys to deal with..... she really cant punish them different. and for her situation,.. that would be too much for all of them anyway. the meds are starting to make a little bit of difference. after spring break we will see how much of an improvement they have made. thank you again! ---Lis
I haven't read the posts, only your question. When you have a hyper kid the last thing you want to do is stimulate him by yelling at the top of your lungs. And the punishing and spanking is a waste of time. Kids tune it out.
I don't know if the child has a serious problem, but it is obvious that the mother is overwrought and not handling the situation well. As she is your friend, try to get her to ease up a bit, for her own sake as well as her son's. Find out if the boy is getting enough sleep and if he is on a healthy diet - no junk food or excess sugar, that is. If therapy is in the offing, this should include both mother and son.
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