I was talking with an older person who had never had kids and she said why don't you spank Benji and see if that helps. I told her I Have spanked and it actually made things worse. It increased the aggression in my son. She seemed in disbelief and said she was spanked and that everyone else in her family was spanked and turned out good. I finally just had to end the conversation. I told her it's easy to talk to people about how to discipline your children, but when you have your own children, it's a totally different story. What seems so easy is not so easy. Sometimes when you deal with difficult children, you have to take in fatigure, etc. You get tired, we all do our best, but even the best of us aren't perfect when we raise our children. But someone told me it's not one fatal error you made or something you did not do, etc that made your child have problems. I just think it's best not to discuss this with certain people, esp those who haven't raised children, b/c it's a lot different in the trenches!
I come from a non-spanking family and never spanked my kids. I just got mad and, that being rare, it made the right impression. I have four children. I probably slapped each of them once or twice - for rudeness. That was the extent of my corporal punishment.
Getting mad is good because it handles the situation immediately. If you wait and then lecture them, too much time has passed and it makes no impression. I had very few rules but they were firm. I did not punish - no time out or restriction of activities, or any of that stuff. A tongue-lashing was sufficient. My kids were really good and lots of fun and I never had serious problems with any of them.
P.S. My husband comes from a spanking family. He and his four siblings were really rough and seemed to do the most horrible things. Was it due to being knocked about? Maybe. My non-spanked brothers and sisters and I were not troublesome children..
Being one of the older members around here - I was spanked. It was the thing to do in that era. Somewhere around the age of 12, my dad wised up and when we screwed up, gave us a hoe and said there's 10 acres of Oranges out there - Weed it. Made a much bigger impression. (we had quickly learned to start crying at the first swat, and he always stopped)
I can remember PE teachers and vice-principals giving swats to kids in junior high. I can also remember the rampant fights and bullying that went on then. So much for memories.
There is nothing in literature that I have seen, that would suggest spanking as a way of discipline is valid. I think people who think its ok, go by the old, " I survived it." mentality. Which also works for not getting flue shots, but there are better ways with much better results.
So, ya, I agree with you completely.
I also believe a lot of it also depends on the child's temperament, kids come out a certain way and they are BORN like it. Some are more sensitive to criticism, some it does not bother, some like to challenge authority, some cower to authority.
I grew up in the South and I can remember paddlings in middle school, you could hear them down the hall. I doubt it is done anymore.
My son has issues with aggression when he is upset and I feel if he sees me spanking him when he has acted out he will think okay when I'm upset it's okay to hit and kick b/c Mommy did it.
I am not a spanker and never quite got the concept. I try to use discipline to teach and not punish. Kids learn from their parents--------- you hit them, it makes sense that they may hit. I lose control, they lose control. And studies show that a child spanked in the toddler years are more aggressive. Makes sense to me. A parent can discipline as they wish and to each his own. But----- science and psychology show that it doesn't always have the affect you'd like it to.
yes, I think some believe you can beat people into submission. Well maybe you can, but the people who are harmed have scars. I basically had to hang up on this person after having this conversation, I told them I had to go and hung up. I could not longer listen anymore.
Yes, children imitate the behavior of their parents. I never taught my children to be polite. My husband and I were always very polite them, so there was no need to teach them "please" and "thank you." And we never taught them to respect other races because we had friends of many races and national origins, and the children's likes and dislikes were on a personal, not racial, basis.
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