I give all of the credit in the world that have stuck it threw with us.I did hurtful things to my family .To friends as well.I shut down if it did not happen in the house I didn't want to do it .I have always done things with my kids and I did still did when I used .I played games with them but I was not "there " I was wondering how much longer till I take some more pills or how much longer is this going to take .The longer I am in recovery the more I can be honest with myself and take responsabilty for what I have put people threw .Its not always easy but its one more step forward for me :)
i think that being the loved one of an addict is harder than being the addict. the addict dulls their emotions with their drug of choice...but we are left to deal with our feelings.
i've noticed that in the almost 3 years that i have been on this forum, that alot of recovering addicts are "baffled" as to why their loved ones are hesitant about accepting his/her sobriety and recovery. speaking for myself...it is hard to get excited when we have seen relapse after relapse. i have the constant reminder when i go to get something that i had put up...cant find it...and remember, "oh yeah...my son stole it". when i hear a story...that just seems unbelievable...i am reminded of all the lies and manipulations that took place. it's kind of like the saying...i can forgive but i cant forget.
please understand that we the loved ones of addicts are still sitting on edge "waiting" for something to go wrong. it is not something that we enjoy...not something that we want...but it is the beast of "your" addiction...a load that we didnt ask to carry.
i know that one of the hardest things for an addict to do is to forgive themselves for the pain that they have caused those around them...but please understand that as hard as it is for you to forgive...it is doubly hard for us to trust again.
i am 100% behind my son's sobriety and recovery and i make sure he knows this. i make a point to tell him at least once every two weeks that i am proud of him...and i am...but at the same time...even after four years, i am waiting for that phone to ring.
Always waiting for the other shoe to drop ,odd things is I think sometimes in recovery we are always waiting for the shoe to drop as well.We dont set out to hurt people but it happens many times. I have told my husband I would not blame him if he did not want to go on the roller coster with me because that is what it is . Thats not his job to do married or not married We are always one pill,hit ect from relapse and undoing all of the work we have done I have 804 clean days and I am proud of everyday .to make it threw another day but I stay on my toes hopeing on one ends up hurt again.
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