Hi I like the concept for this group, thank you Avisg (I think you started it) for starting it. Unfortunately, it seems to get a lot of off-topic posts that belong in the A-SA group. This addict has only been clean for about 25 days, and still likes the info in that group, but would love to see more in this one. So here is a long-term recovery conundrum I have: I am a textbook opiate addict. I can not touch them, see them, or (obviously) take them without immediately beginning a cycle of abuse. I've only tried to quit once, and have so far been successful because I know this to a certitude. This is a life sentence that I happily accept because I like being free of that slavery so very much. On the other hand, I'm 40-something, and I have always enjoyed a beer here and there, or a cocktail at a party, and so on - with no sign of abuse. I KNOW the addictive pull (tobacco and opiates), and I simply don't have it with booze. I also have a huge stockpile of benzo's. I think about 6 100-pill bottles of Xanax and 9 100-pill bottles of Klonopin. I was prescribed them once for anxiety, didn't really like the feeling they gave me and kept filling them for barter (and as a useful sleep aid). Again, zero "pull" from these and an intake of less than 2-3-a-month unless I'm doing a lot of business travel (going West to East and having an 8AM in NYC on Monday means waking at 3:30 or 4:00AM Pacific time and going to bed on Sunday night at the equivalent of 7PM, which is 10PM Eastern, therefore the "useful sleep aid comment"). I basically feel dull and stupid on benzo's and don't like them for recreation. I absolutely hate being hung over and hate being sloppy drunk, so I've never liked to drink too much. [side-note for any other geeks out there: I suspect that the way I, as an individual, metabolize various substances, has a lot to do with this]
So, after my long wind-up, the question is: How should an avowed opiate and tobacco addict approach alchohol and benzo's if, after about a month clean from opiates, he or she has shown no sign of changing their non-abusive approach to those drugs? I know addiction blinds, so I know there's the obvious risk of beginning to abuse them while in denial. I may be a rare addict in that denial was never my MO. I was an admitted addict the last three years I was using. Let me say it again: I am a textbook opiate addict and I may not ever touch them again because I will abuse them. There is no "just one pill" option for me. I utterly submit to my powerlessness to responsibly use opiates. I'm belaboring this point, and very sorry to be obnoxious. I just want to make it clear that I'm not trying to justify drinking or taking tranks abusively while in denial about it. I really am not currently addicted to either, actually quite willing to cut both out if needed, but curious about the opinion of others here on whether (and more importantly, why) that might be necessary. This addict thanks you in advance for your thoughts!
This is a very hard topic to discuss. Most addicts will tell you that its all or nothing for them and the NA principle is to refrain for all substances including alcohol. We all desire the ability to control our drug use, but as we all find out the hard way THE DRUGS CONTROL US. If you do not NEED the benzos for anxiety, then why not take a sleep aid that doesn't have addictive potential (Melatonin for instance) There are even alternatives to benzos that help a great deal with anxiety so please don't think that they are your only option. As for drinking, alcohol has caused many an addict to relapse. When you drink, regardless if its one of twenty, you are still distorting reality. The sobering truth is just that... SOBER. In order to live a clean life, one must put down all substances.
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