ADDICTION RECOVERY GROUP User Group
did I Cave In or Am I just Scared???? ADVICE
About This Group:

You have gone threw withdrawl and you are off ALL of drugs now.Here comes that hard part staying clean .Long term recovery is hard and takes continous work and support .Learning and dealing with PAWS. Learning what trigger set us off .This is all sort of thing we will dicuss in the group . Avis

Founded by avisg on November 5, 2009
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did I Cave In or Am I just Scared???? ADVICE

Hi everyone...Well I was on my Way or at least I  thought I was??to all that do not know me--  I have been in a methadone treatment facility now for 6 months 2 weeks 4 days for my severe addiction to pain meds on & off over half my life.. I began my Detox phase on October 11th...My dose of 30mg was at 7 a.m. and I did GREAT on that milligram....
Then when "I felt I was ready" I put in my request to dose down to 25mg ---And ...I FELT great on that milligram?

but when I hit 20mg on the 1st of November I felt fine all that day...even had  a decent night sleep.. not a DEEP One like I was used to while on 40mg for the duration of the 5 months out of the 6 months ....But as of November 2nd I wasn't falling asleep and when I would finally fall asleep I would wake every hour on the hour...my heart pounding outta my chest, Sweating and shaking so much I backed off my morning  CUPS of coffee  to just a half a cup and my afternoon coffee I completely stopped due to so much anxiety.....

So yesterday while at the Clinic.... I had the nurse and my counselor stop my detox and had them put me back on the 25mg which will begin Wednesday....I just have so much going on...my husband left this morning for  Germany on a  Business trip and will be away until the 19th ...and he & I have never been apart that Long in the 21 years we've been married...the longest was 6 days!! Even When I wasn't using and he had to travel I was a wreck - I have been clinically diagnosed as having severe panic and anxiety attacks that began at the age of 33...I am now 44...I now only take Xanax 2 to 3 X's a day ...but they are not helping me at all during this 20mg dose!!!!

So TO all that will hopefully read this DO not sugar coat me I can handle Brutal Honesty so please do not hold back! ...

Did I completely destroy everything I have worked so hard at? I was so confident that I could detox and phase down and HANDLE the  withdrawals I knew were inevitable even going the Methadone route. I prepared myself by beginning the vitamins that was recommended to begin 4 in the morn 4 at dinner started drinking my  Whey protein Shakes, Workin out .....so I was really ready...But Sunday Night I was on my Knees begging God, Surrendering all that I am to him ...begging  for his mercy on me and to give me STRENGTH to continue this road I must travel. so I can finally once and  for all BE  CLEAN!!! still an ADDICT just a CLEAN one!!!!
But  to all that understand what I am talkin about cuz they've been where I am... or Are there now, but omg is Sleep Deprivation THE WORST?? it causes the anxiety and panic to come on like a hurricane or to me Its no different than being drunk?? My driving is scary I cant concentrate.....
So ...please....give feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sad n mad but relieved all at the same time??

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2 Comments
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Avatar_f_tn
how are you doing now? Im going thru the same thing. 6 days clean and the ride of my life!!!!!!!!! Withdrawals suck and havent slept in weeks.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Sandra,
so sorry I haven't checked my "watch list" when I post something or post to someone...
Ok today is December 19th you posted 18 days ago....I am and have been feeling GREAT!!
I am still at 25mg plan on staying there till after Christmas. I am so tired of putting limitations on myself...and then if I fail the addict in me is SO HARD on herself...so i have set my detox time to be January 2nd...2012.

so If you were 6 days clean on 12/1 then you are now 24 days CLEAN?? I pray that you made it,......

That IS my WHOLE issue with detoxing off Methadone...WITHDRAWALS. I went thru W/d's SO many times of being sick living in & ON the bathroom floor...that when I started feeling that "lack of sleep, that onset of chills and anxiety" when I dosed down to 20mg's of Methadone PLUS my husband being out of town...I spoke to the nurse and basically all I did was dose down too soon when I went from 25mg to the 20mgs....I tapered down in 7 days when on ALL the other mg's I gave each dose 2 to 3 weeks each..

keep in touch and let me know how your doing......no matter what happened n those 18 days I'll be here for ya to talk NOT judge!!

take care,
Kim
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